The 5 – 5 Things to replace sweating Twitter for Machado rumors

Welcome friends, this is the 5, inspired by #WhiteSox twitter, which is simultaneously looking to move on from sweating Manny Machado rumors on twitter and can’t stop fucking refreshing twitter looking for said rumors.  Anywho, here are 5 alternatives to continually sweating twitter for those rumors, now, I know what you are thinking, I’m going to tell you to meditate or exercise or some shit like that….I’m not, that’s for overachievers.  We are straight C type students, not showing off, and not falling behind.  This is a list for us.

5 – Eat some pudding

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Pudding is delicious and ever since the whole Bill Cosby scandal, pudding, particularly Jello pudding has been getting a bad fucking wrap.  I suggest going to the grocery store, grabbing a couple of fist fulls of chocolate pudding packs and dig in.  You’ll love it so much, you’ll be dancing in the streets singing the praises of pudding and handing off pudding packs to random folks on the street.  You’ll stop thinking about Manny Machado immediately.

4 – Re-Learn the Macarena

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That’s right, I have no idea what the big homeys Los Del Rio have been up to since the mid 90’s, but you know and I know that we learned that fucking dance and now we have forgotten it.  A vital piece of our personal history has been trashed in favor of learning about “advanced metrics” or some other bullshit, awful!!  Let’s take back the part of our life when we learned the hip dance of the time period just so we wouldn’t miss out.  Fuck, we can probably get it going in Section 108 during the season if we all just take the time to work it out.  I see a big coordinated scoreboard appearance for us friends.  That’s much more important than Manny Machado.

3 – Play with some puppies

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I love dogs and cats.  They are essential to a happy life imo.  If you don’t love house pets you are a horrible menacing curmudgeon of non-humanness.  I recently spent a few hours on MLK Day with Mrs. BeefLoaf and Bonita Steakie at a PetSmart that had an Anti-Cruelty wing to it.  We went in and played with puppies, it was fucking amazing.  It costs $0, it brings joy to the animals and to you.  Why even bother looking at twitter when you can play with puppies.  Manny Machado would want you to do this, in fact, he’s not signing with the White Sox unless you do this shit…RIGHT. DAMN. NOW!!

2 – Read a book

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Look, I know the 108 family and friends ain’t necessarily Umberto Eco or some shit like that, but I think we could spend a little more time reading books.  If I had to guess, your subscription to Juggs magazine has just run out, so it might be time to go out and BUY an actual book.  Fuck it!! You can go to the library and just take out a book.  If you have children, read to them, or read with them.  If you don’t find yourself a book that interests you.  I’m not looking for a goddamn book report here, I want you fulfilled in a way that bullshit report tweets by Bob Nightengale won’t do.  I like Nassim Taleb, he’s probably my favorite author…..so maybe check out something in his catalog and tell me if you enjoy it.  Manny Machado probably doesn’t read Nassim Taleb, so you’ll instantly be smarter than him.

1 – Exercise

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Alright, I admit, the 108ers don’t look like the fittest crew out there, but you know damn well that a good workout will make you forget about this Manny shit and really enjoy life.  I’m not suggesting you train for a marathon or something, that would be lunacy, how about a 2 mile walk while you listen to some music, or how about you ride a bike.  Look I know the weather sucks but even 90 seconds of doing the old “IN-OUT” with your significant other constitutes “exercise”, I mean, it’ll get your heart rate up and I know for sure you’ll feel better after.  Manny Machado is probably doing the old “IN-OUT” right now, he’s not thinking about you, so why think about him?

-BeefLoaf

 

SoxFest After-Party Bold Predictions

If you couldn’t make it to the after-party or if you were there and just couldn’t hear these as we made ’em, here’s our bold predictions for 2019:

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After starting a partnership with the Milk Council, Nick Madrigal will grow a few inches this season.

Just to shut Javi Baez the fuck up, Tim Anderson will have a career year at SS and for good measure Yoan Moncada will slay at 2nd Base.

Jace Fry will NOT be attacked on IG by his new girlfriend that he might or might not have given an STD to. Can confirm he was with a girl last night at Sox Prom. Everyone looked to what player it was, saw it was Fry, we all himmed and hawed.

Although we will tweet about it 1900 times, BeefLoaf and I will still NOT learn the kid and play dance in 2019.


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Lucas Giolito will overcome having Jordan Lazowski as his biggest fan and become the first White Sox pitcher since 2016 to pitch a complete game shutout.

Eloy Jimenez WILL NOT receive the most AL ROY votes on the White Sox in 2019, that honor will go to Luis Basabe as he rakes in the minors through mid-June and is called up to take over CF duties from Adam Engel, Basabe finishes with double digit HR’s and SB’s and surprises the entire American League.

Tim Anderson, after being called out by White Sox twitter and consulted by ex-teammate Tyler Saladino, channels his inner Billy Dee Williams and sprouts the most beautiful push broom mustachio you have ever seen to win the 2019 White Sox mustache title.

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Daniel Palka will leave spring training to join the Chicago mayoral race and WIN on his campaign promise to always be #108ing.

Yoan Moncada will not play 3b, he will not play CF, he will not pass go and collect $200, but he will however make good on his prospect status and post a 25 HR / 25 SB season.

Chorizy-E
Eloy Jimenez and Daniel Palka will combine for 69 home runs. Nice.

Jason Benetti will come to my home to record a FromThe108 Podcast with us. Possibly against his will.

My PED brother, Welington Castillo, will find a new connection and rack up 25 HR, 100 RBI, and 0 suspensions.

Ricky Renteria and Don Cooper will be suspended indefinitely after beating the shit out of Joe West.

1 Thing I Would Have Talked About If We Did A Podcast This Week – True Detective.

Alexandra Daddario. You know. If you don’t know, Google.

If you’ve listened to our most recent podcast, you might have missed something early in the show. Ot happened during the intros where we pass it around and talk about how we are doing. It was during this time Mr. BeefLoaf said he wasn’t sleeping too well cause he had just watched the first 2 episodes of True Detective and was trying to figure out what happened. Wait, wut?

This fucker was trying to figure out what happened! IT’S TWO FUCKING SHOWS IN! It looks to be slated for 8 episodes at least, so how is a guy who has the physique of Columbo (but not necessarily the brilliant mind) losing sleep this early in the game?

Now, I ain’t saying ‘Loaf is dumb, he is actually crazy fucking smart. I run stuff by him all the time. But the smartest guy easily is Chorizy. I am the dumbest guy outta the 3, no question, but hardly the dumbest guy you’ll ever meet. There is no way that there has been enough information given to the viewer to form an opinion much less a theory in the first 2 episodes.

In the first two episodes they are just laying the foundation for the whole story. You don’t move into your house right after they pour the concrete do ya? Nope, you let them frame it. Lay the pipe. Run electric. Hang drywall. You know what I am saying. You gotta give it time to get built.

Is that BeefLoaf squatting up in the attic?

If you haven’t watched True Detective (it’s on it’s 3rd season, but they are all different stories, not connected) you should start on Season 1. Trust me. It’s creepy, mostly cause it seems like could happen. You can skip Season 2, it was fucking odd. Like not all that entertaining odd. Now, it’s early in the game, but Season 3 seems like a return to the roots. I know you have been fucked by the term before, I know I have (Zwan record sounding like classic Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam records, ect), but it really seems like the 1st season so far.

One thing that came very clear in the 3rd episode is that Stephen Dorff is slowly morphing into Fred Durst. Seriously, check this out –

You put a red Yankees cap on Stephen here he looks like a young Fred Durst. Fred hasn’t aged as well as Stephen, and Stephen smokes like a fucking chimney. And it ain’t a Blu E Cigarette in the show, he makes sweet mouth love to an old school cig about every 32 seconds.

So that is one thing I would have talked about if we had done a podcast this week. I also would have lost my shit about a claim that the Sox could have signed Avi Garcia for what he signed for in Tampa. Yes, someone said that. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Listen, if you were a contract worker and you went into the bosses office to sign a new contract and YOU KNEW it was supposed to pay $8 million dollars. Now when you get in that meeting they say, no, we aren’t gonna pay you that, we’d like to offer you less than half of that. How well would that go in your life? You gonna take that offer? FUCK NO YOU WOULDN’T. You are gonna tell that boss to get fucked and leave ASAP. As well you should. I am happy that Avi got a job somewhere, but he no way would have signed with the Sox for less than they would have paid him had they wanted to resign him. It was a horrible take. Straight up HOT GARBAGE.

Come see us tonight and look for me running around at SoxFest. Wear your 108 gear to get a free koozie!

-MSS

Ranking The 1st Wave of 2019 White Sox Giveaways

The White Sox announced the 1st wave of promo dates and along with that made the announcement of several promo items. This is where I , MSS, am a viking. Everyone wrote a quick blog about the items, but it’s my job to critique these items like it matters. I am NOT gonna critique the free T-Shirt Thursday offerings, well, who cares as I can’t fit into those anyways.

Worst to first, here we go!

Star Wars™ Night, presented by TransUnion, on Saturday, May 4 vs. Boston

Listen, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Here we have a plain ol’ R2D2, nothing Sox related on it, not even in Sox colors, but it looks like background might be Sox related. Ask Uncle Rico how much he likes these cardboard backgrounds. Spoiler, he fucking hates them. The Hawk Solo last year was really fucking unique compared to this. Even the 2016 offering of a generic ass Stormtrooper. If anything, this just proves that we need some goddamn stars on this team so this bullshit can stop. Although Wellington Castillo would be a great R2D2.

Marvel Super Hero™ Night and White Sox Spiderman Bobblehead on July 27 vs. Minnesota

Ok, this isn’t the worst only because I like Spiderman a wee bit more than R2D2. Now, obviously the pic isn’t the final, but hopefully like the IronMan last year it will be Sox colors. If not, this sucks balls too. I don’t mind the tie-in’s but why can’t it be a player? I mean I mocked this up already –

I did the job and it went unnoticed. Not the first time and not the last, but we all know that a Daniel Palka as the Hulk is way more fucking choice* than a Spiderman bobblehead. Right? I know I am right, so no worries.

José Abreu Silver Slugger™ Bobblehead, presented by Constellation Energy, on April 27 vs. Detroit

Here’s the thing, Jose Abreu now joins Frank Thomas, Paul Konerko and Chris Sale as a player that has far too many White Sox bobbleheads. I know, not a bad club, but Jesus, shake it up a little would ya? Props for using the ugly players weekend jersey. That is (kinda) cool. Negative props for doing the 4th bobble for a guy who has been here for 6 seasons.

Los White Sox Soccer Jersey, presented by Coca-Cola, on May 5 vs. Boston 

Now, I like this. I really do. However, I think the patch should be ’83 related. Not sure why they are using the old english, but the batter guy would be 1000% better. I like the colors. Now only if they made a XXL for us Fatty McFattersons.

Carlos Rodón Bobblehead, presented by Wintrust Community Banks, on May 18 vs. Toronto

Kudos to the Sox for going out on a limb and making a bobblehead of Carlos. It hasn’t been the smoothest career for Mr. Rodon, but I think he is gonna have the best year of his career this season. I like the black jersey. I like, as said on the Twitters, no undershirt, not buttoned up, that is Carlos. Now, his face could be really fucked up, but I am gonna say it isn’t. Only drawback is this looks alot like the Mark Buehrle they did in 2017.

White Sox Hawaiian Shirt, presented by Beggars Pizza, on June 15 vs. the Yankees

Normally I would rip this to shreds. It’s a recycled idea, as it’s the 3rd hawaiian shirt they have done in 4 years. That sucks, but this shirt is DOPE AF. It’s so choice*. Love the white. Love the logos. Love the pizza slices. I do hate the fact they are giving it away on a Yankees weekend, which is not so choice*, but what you gonna do? It’s gonna be a hot item, get there early. Easily the best hawaiian shirt they have done. They have gotten better year after year, so that is a plus.

And now, the best of the first wave, drumroll please…..

White Sox Hoodie, presented by Guaranteed Rate, on April 6 vs. Seattle 

Ok, the White Sox bringing back this logo, in black and white is fucking awesome. I love the colors, I love the logo. I just wish for all that is holy that one day a 2XL will be made available. It won’t, but that won’t stop me Opening Weekend getting there early to get one of these bad boys. Also, this just adds to the other great giveaways that Guaranteed Rate has done since they came aboard. The zip up sweatshirt. The quarter zip long sleeve t-shirt. Now this black hoodie with one of the greatest logos the Sox have ever done. Cheers to the Sox and Guaranteed Rate for keeping on top of the giveaway game and making this pile of awesomeness. Gonna be in high demand, get there early for this one too. Bring your friends and swing by the 108 to have a couple, two, tree.

-MSS

* “So Choice” for you youngins is a positive thing. If you haven’t seen Ferris Buller’s Day Off, please do. Last year I brought back “booya” and “dope”. So far, all my attention has been devoted to bringing back “so choice”. I might bring back “bull honkey”, but not sure it deserves to be brought back. Only time will tell.

Drunk Talk: Cans are better than bottles

As an avid drinker (drunkard), I buy my fair share of beer.  And this increases during baseball season.  Over time, I have found that I will always opt for cans over bottles when purchasing delicious beer.  It seems like a trivial difference, but let me explain my case.

Stackability

Unless you’re Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg, you cannot devote an entire fridge to 40s.  So you have to do what you can with the space you have.  When your enjoy Beldar Conehead style mass consumption of beer, this becomes a problem.  And this is the first area where cans really shine.  I can stack about twice as many cans in my fridge as I can bottles.  This goes for coolers as well.

Chillability

Much like it is anchorman and not anchorlady, it is also a scientific fact that beer gets cold quicker and holds its temp longer in aluminum than in a glass bottle.  Honestly, that might be bullshit, but I am pretty sure I saw that in a commercial once and I wholeheartedly believe it to this day.  Pro tip: add some cold water into your cooler full of ice and beer to chill those bad boys quicker.

Koozability

Along the same lines, keeping your drink at the temp you want can be aided by koozies.  Also, koozies are just awesome.  I love them and me and Quernzy have a whole drawer full of em.  And you know what, the ones for bottles just kind of suck.  I like the idea, but how many different drinking accessories do i need to carry?

Portability

Look, if you’re anything like me, you like to go to a tailgate every now and then.  Or maybe just a party at a friends house.  One thing I know is that carrying a shitload of bottles is awful.  Carrying cans is far preferable.

Smashability

Once you’ve had 60-80 beers at a tailgate, there is not so much room in the single garbage can provided to your area by the White Sox, so bottles are just a nuisance.  Instead, you can crush down your cans to nothing.  Also, if you drop em, you don’t have shards of glass everywhere.   Still a party foul, but safer for everyone.

Charitability

You can also give em to a homeless dude to recycle.  Here we are helping the homeless and saving Mother Earth, damn we’re good people.

Shotgunability

It’s not really my thing, but I know the kids these days like to shotgun a beer every now and again.  You can’t do that with a bottle.  You need to use a can.

And last, you can do this shit:

-Chorizy-E

BeefLoaf’s 4 most hated Sports teams

Inspired by this tweet question from the big homey Soxsupporter, I bring you my 4 most hated Sports teams (by sport).

Hated Franchises

 

Football

The 1980’s Green Bay Packers

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I know the Bears fucking dominated the Packers in the 1980’s, but the Forrest Gregg / Charles Martin Packers, the ones that effectively ended the Bears reign in 1986 by body slamming Jim McMahon, yea, those fucking Packers.  Fuck them!  I don’t think I have watched a more reprehensible group of goons try to organize themselves as a professional sports team.  Reading Martin’s wiki page, it appears he was out of football shortly after these shenanigans

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Basketball

The 1980’s Detroit Pistons

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Back before everyone widely recognized Jordan as the GOAT, he would annually run into these fucking Pistons teams and they’d beat the shit out of him and the Jordanaires.  As a man of 40 years of age, I routinely lolololol when people say “but Jordan never lost in the FINALS”, yes, this is true, he also got cock blocked from advancing in the playoffs for many, many years by teams like the Celtics and Pistons so it’s kind of a fake argument.  The Pistons were not only a historically great team that got derailed by Isiah Thomas’ achilles, but they were also a historically hateable team.  Most of you probably remember Rodman in a Bulls uni, but he was a sonuvabitch with the Pistons, Rick Mahorn, Spider Salley, fuck, even Dumars and Isiah were pinche cabrons.  All of these fuckers were nothing compared to Bill Laimbeer.  I recently saw a gif / montage of 80’s basketball, showing all of these fights and rough plays and 75% of them were Bill Laimbeer.  Fuck, if I saw Laimbeer in the street right now, I wouldn’t hesitate to run him over with my car.  Hate the fucking Pistons!!!

Hockey

The 1990’s Pittsburgh Penguins

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I know Jaromir Jagr is a legend for being like 58 years old and still playing and banging 19 year old chicks and not giving a fuck, but these Penguins blocked the Roenick / Chelios / Belfour Blackhawks from a Cup.  I’m not a hockey guy, and around this time the Bulls were starting their dominance, so the Blackhawks were playing second fiddle, but this was still must watch TV at the time.  Anywho, Super Mario and Jagr face fucked the Blackhawks in those finals.  I still hate thinking about their long greasy sweaty mullets.

Baseball

The Minnesota Twinks

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There is no sports franchise that I can more easily extend my fucking middle finger at than the Minnesota Twinks. Fuck Tom Kelly and Ron Gardenhire, fuck Justin Morneau and Kirby Puckett, fuck Brian Dozier and Nick Punto, fuck Torii Hunter and Michael Cuddyer, fuck Johan Santana and Joe Nathan, fuck Carlos Gomez and Jason Kubel.  I fucking hate the Twinks.

-BeefLoaf

The 5 – Blizzard Drinking

As the snow is falling and your will to leave the house is dwindling, you may need a drink or two to keep your spirits up. And there’s nothing like a warm drink on a cold day. If you’re like me, you’re not looking for an incredible amount of ingredients to make something fancy. You’re looking for just a few things thrown together to get your winter 108ing on.

Mexican Coffee

I know I typically talk up coffee and Bailey’s, but we’ll get to Bailey’s later. For this morning, we’re doing Mexican coffee. Now, you can look up recipes and there is like ice cream and sugar rims and all kinds of other shit. Look, you need 3 things to make this happen: coffee, tequila, and coffee liqueur (Kahlua or Patron XO Cafe will do). That’s it. You might be skeptical of tequila in coffee, but don’t knock it til you try it.

Hot Chocolate and Bailey’s

This is a bit sweet, so be prepared for that. But this is such a simple drink to put together and it never disappoints. If you want to do some weird shit like throwing an entire package of Peeps in there, go for it. It’s not my bag, but if you dig it, do it.

Cappuchata

I was super skeptical of this one. But someone left a bottle of Rumchata at my house after a party and what am I supposed to do, throw it away? Fuck that. I’ve seen some really involved ways of doing this drink, but we win’t doing that. Get yourself an espresso and throw some Rumchata in it. Ain’t too complicated and it is surprisingly good.

Hot Toddy

This drink is made a shitload of different ways, so really, do what you like. I’ve even made these with Malort, which was NOT good if you can believe it. However, my go to recipe is simple: black tea + honey + rye or bourbon. Some people replace the tea with hot water and lemon juice, some replace the bourbon with rum, and some people add a lemon wedge. Feel free to try any or all of that, but I’m gonna keep it basic.

Hot Cider

I am not a fan of hard cider, but I can get down with some hot cider with some booze in it. In fact, I only get down with it with booze. If you have a Keurig you can get some apple cider cups and then from there, it’s just add booze. I typically go with a spiced rum like Sailor Jerry or Captain Morgan.

So during this wonderful winter wonderland, grab a mug, and do some 108ing

-Chorizy-E

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