The 5 – Early Season Happenings That Have “the ‘Loaf” Giddy

Afternoon folks, it’s the ‘Loaf……here is a quick 5 for that azz……

5. Adam Eaton is excellent in RF – On the broadcast Tuesday night Jason Benetti mentioned that Adam Eaton has saved more defensive runs than any player in baseball (ie, an average defender would save 0 runs and be perfectly even)…..8……put in context, saving 8 defensive runs in the current run enviroment is mathematically worth 1 win.  That’s a lot for less than a month of play…..oh and he’s knocking the crap out of the ball as well, notching his first HR on Tuesday as well.
4. The White Sox organizations treatment of fans – The highlight is the home date on April 9th in which not only did they allow all upper tank fans to sit in the lower tank (icy ramps), but they gave all fans a ticket voucher on the way out of the park to show their appreciation.  Well Done!
3. Jason Benetti – What I have seen of the Benetti/Stone broadcasts are tremendous……..I was fearful of Benetti being a cookie cutter snoozeville, Syracuse type, but he has a personality and more importantly he allows Stoney to be fun and weird as well……….it’s a much more relaxed and silly broadcast than the Hawk Show.  I especially love their little case of prizes that includes Stoney’s signed Altoids.
2. Matt Albers – The 108’s favorite player, aka “El Nino” has dominated on the field and has shown his fiery personality just immediately off of it.  He’s a treat to watch!
1. Twitter – Our twitter friends and followers make road games (or home games we aren’t attending) so much fucking fun to enjoy together.  Keep up all the craziness and we’ll get this division title together. (If you don’t see your pic, blame MSS (@mysoxsummer)tweet at him to complain)

– BeefLoaf

The 5 – Reasons NOT To Buy The Hype

It’s Early.

It’s way f’ing early.  Shit, the way the media is talking in Chicago, Cubs have the World Series berth locked up and maybe the Sox will compete with them in October.  Y’all are f’ing nuts.

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Crack pipe.  Yep.

John Danks. 

Yeah.  2 games, 2 losses.  Not even close.  I met John at SoxFest ’16, hell of a great guy.  Always looks really excited, possibly high, maybe it’s time to pack it up, take care of that smoking hot wife of yours and call it day.  Hell, go hang out with Dunn.  Maybe join LaRoche on one of his “missions”.  He’s not cutting it, maybe he’ll get hot later, but let’s bring him in if a young guy starts getting pounded.  He shouldn’t be starting.

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So high.

The teams we have played.

“We would have lost to the Twins last year”  – Friend in passing.

He’s right by the way.  Were the Twins better last year?  I HAVE NO F’ING IDEA.  I am a White Sox fan, I can barely keep up with them, I rely on the head nod and squinty eyes when I am asked in depth baseball questions.  Chorizy , Polish or ‘Loaf can handle your technical questions better, I rely on the ol’ eye test.  The Twins f’ing failed the eye test.  Badly.   When I see Oakland starting Phegley and Semien, I think to myself, “I know how good those guys are so you guys must really suck.”  I am sure they will come on later in the year to prove me wrong (Phegley Fever!) and I hope they do. Tribe sucks too, cause, well Cleveland.  Look what that city did to that find upstanding COLLEGE GRADUATE from Texas A&M, Johnny “Football” Manziel.  Cue Beastie Boys – Johnny Ryall.

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Jimmy Rollins.

Dude is old.  Like way old.  I am 1 year older than him. I am f’old too.  I don’t need to be on the softball field anymore, much less a MLB field.  I hope JRoll keeps not hurting himself.  I hope he continues to help us in the field and smack a hit here and there. What I am guessing will happen is one day his leg will just fall off.  You better be practicing Tyler, you let a 37 yr old guy beat you for your spot.  I met Tyler at SoxFest too, I asked him what the plans were, his handler said he was the starting SS for us.  Tyler responded with a “We’ll see”.  Yeah, cause goddamn, we’re gonna need ya son.

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Dude looks high too. I swear I bought weed from this guy several times in college.

 

Hitting.

Not long ago, Jose Abreu had to swing at anything close cause the dude wasn’t being protected by ANYONE. Now we have reigning home run champ Todd Frazier batting behind him and he still swings at junk.  Will he get more disciplined?  Maybe.  Hitting coach Todd Steverson is a hell of a nice guy too, I know he has worked hard with Jose, so I am hopeful.  But will Frazier start hitting?  Kinda a big component in the whole deal.  I hope as the weather warms up so will the bats.  Still not hitting good enough to get behind them yet.

MLB: Arizona Diamondbacks at Chicago White Sox
Hit that ball buddy.

 

So alot of things that need to be fixed before I can even list these guys an contenders.  I thought this past weekend would be a good test, lost 2 of 3.  Hoping that they can split with the Angels and take the series vs the Rangers.  I will be at a few games this week, hope to see you guys there!

-MSS

Conspiracy Theory: BBQ Chicken Pizza

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Not pizza. Not even close. Insulting to other pizza.

Let me start by saying, I love that the Sox booted Digiorno and brought in Beggars.  I went to about 35 games last year and had about 70 slices of Beggars.  However, one of the items added to the food at the Cell this year is BBQ Chicken Pizza.  And much like Public Enemy told us years ago, Don’t Believe the Hype.  Now, I’m sure plenty of you enjoy this food, but I’ve got a lot of problems with BBQ Chicken Pizza and now you’re gonna hear em.

Not Pizza

Main ingredients: Dough, BBQ sauce, Chicken, Mozzarella Cheese.  That sounds like quite a nice sandwich you made for yourself.  What’s that?  It’s pizza? No it’s not.  I don’t care how you organize the sandwich, it’s not pizza.  You have to believe bagel pizza is a thing and cheese-less pizza is a thing if you want to believe this is pizza.  If I were to take two Vespas and put em right next to each other, it didn’t make it a car.  It’s two damn Vespas.  Laying these ingredients out in a pizza formation is just a lie and I won’t stand for it.

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Not Healthier

At some point, some ad-wizard convinced people that chicken was health food (no matter how it was prepared)!  Don’t believe me?  Remember KFC trying to call themselves Kitchen Fresh Chicken?  It’s not as bad as what they try with fish: I drove past Lawrence’s one day and saw a sign up that said “Get Fit, Eat More Fish.”  Holy shit, are you serious?  My cholesterol went up just reading that sign.

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But I digress.  The point is, getting this bbq chicken monstrosity is no healthier than getting pepperoni or sausage pizza, you know real pizza.  You’re not doing yourself any favors by choosing chicken.  You’re a slob like me and you’re probably gonna stop at Arby’s on your way home anyway.  I’ll see you there.

It’s blocking other pizza prospects

This is similar to the arguments I hear about steroids and Michael Jordan’s baseball career.  People who use steroids block other prospects from getting into pro baseball, Jordan was taking a spot from a kid committed to playing baseball.  I am finally on the cry-baby side of this argument and I love it.  BBQ Chicken Pizza takes a spot away from other possible delicious pizza options.  We probably all have different opinions on the varieties we would choose, but I would bet they don’t have BBQ sauce or chicken involved.

Question to the 3 people that read this

If a friend invited you over for pizza and you showed up to find BBQ Chicken Pizza, your disappointment would most likely be at the level of:

  • First time you got dumped?
  • Found out there was no Santa Claus?
  • Watched Big Frank hit his 500th HR in a different jersey?

-Chorizy-E

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Thursday (was supposed to be Monday) Review – Opening Weekend.

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Great weekend for the 108’ers. – Beef’s Friday. 

Friday was kicked off with the annual 108 opening day party at the home of the one and only BeefLoaf.  Big contingent of 108’ers hit the game as well, a staggering 60+ of us (at the party at least), including BeefLoaf, MySoxSummer, Chorizy-E, Polish w/Extra Onions, Biguns, SlumpBuster and others………..despite the White Sox loss (expected since John Danks was throwing),……………..a great time was had and much tequila was drunk (oh we had some beer too).

MSS Friday – Damn it feels good to be a gangster. Every damn year, BeefLoaf and Ms. Loaf throw the best damn party in the hood.  Alcohol, friends & family, more alcohol and local food (Punky’s Rocks) made right here in the hood!  I (@mysoxsummer) was digging on the Chicken Parm, drinking local beer and not hearing the Payton Manning singing that silly jingle.  My cousin came into town and my wife and I were trying to explain what opening day was like. It is a like a Super Bowl party with everyone cheering for the same team.  Then you go to the game and NOT watch commercials.  It’s the same but different.  Party was an A+++++++.  We didn’t take any pictures of people, just the snow.

Chorizy-E’s Friday:

Weather – It snowed.  It was cold.  But that didn’t stop the crowds from coming out and didn’t stop anyone from cheering for the Sox.  The Sox, however, did keep that from happening.

The Game – It was quite horrible.  John Danks made everyone in the park hope that the Miguel Gonzalez signing was made for a specific reason.

Drinks – We had a whole lot of them.  I tried to keep track using the Swig app, but after lucky number 13, I think I stopped being able to operate my phone.  Judging by the time I got home there were a lot more consumed between 13 and my uber ride.

Lines – The lines for getting in, using the bathroom, and getting concessions were long, but they were a noticeable improvement over last year.

Chorizy-E’s Saturday:

Weather – It was colder than the day before, causing a delay for people to get in.  What was different than most years was that the Sox recognized this in a few ways.  First, the ice on the ramps caused them to close the upper deck.  This actually made the small crowd look much better with everyone on the lower level.  They should keep this in mind for low attendance games.  Second, as a token of appreciation for coming out in the cold, everyone got a voucher for a free upper deck ticket on their way out.  I thought that was really great.

The Game – Much better than the day before.  Sale was Sale, the bats showed up, and Matt “El Niño” Albers was incredible.

Drinks – So it happened.  Two rounds in a row, they didn’t have enough Lite and Coors Light, so I got stuck with MGD.  In the defense of the vendors, we were rolling 7 deep, so the rounds were pretty big.

MSS Saturday – But Saturday was wonderful.  So many things happened on Saturday.  My fave was watching Chorizy-E get served 2 MGD’s BACK-TO-BACK. I even offered to take one so he didn’t have to drink it.  He declined.  What a badass.  Game was great.  Cheers to the Sox for keeping everyone safe and closing the uppers.  Made the lower bowl look great, still was a little sparse, but free tickets for everyone was a hell of a jester.  ChiSox Bar and Grill made some great wings for us and kept the beer cold.  Kudos!

We came up with a nickname for Matt Albers –

albers_el_nino

Beef’s Friday – The Saturday Ice Bowl was fun in its own right, MySoxSummer had a sign to welcome Jason Benetti, but we did not get on TV, due to most of the WGN crew clearly being old friends of Hawk and not wanting to upset him that the fans are excited about the young buck.  The winter hat give away was one of the best in recent memory and served the group well as it was mighty cold.  Beer Vendor James remade our acquaintance and kept us in suds throughout the game.  Oh and a big White Sox win, including BeefLoaf triumphantly calling Avi Garcia’s 3 run shot (it was a Costanza call as he shouted it for all in 108 to hear and then trudged to the latrine).

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Chorizy-E’s Sunday:

Rained Out.  We were already down for the game, so we had a few pops at Beefloaf’s place and finished off the weekend

Beef’s Sunday:

The weekend tally, (which includes the 108 party on Friday), 2 handles of Tito’s, half gallon of Grey Goose, half gallon of Cazadores, fif’s of Bullitt  and Captain Morgan as well as 217 beers (2 MGD’s).

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MSS’s Sunday:

Sad that the jersey didn’t make it to it’s first game.  Sad.  Made me drink a few more pops than normal.

Was a great weekend had by all, best part was getting back together with all my 108’ers.

Opening Day GRIPE Predictions. By My Sox Summer

Sox fans like to complain.  Every year on a certain message board you’d see a thread the day after opening day about all the complaints. “They changed the music!”  “Beer price is higher than last year!” “Why did the guy from Journey throw the opening pitch?” “LINES” “WORKERS” “BATHROOMS” “BUN WAS STALE”. You get where I am going.  So I am gonna predict things that we all will be bitching about the Monday after opening weekend.

Locks-

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1- WEATHER – Sox can’t control that, not yet anyways. We’re all in this together. Drink more and deal with it.  (That said weather might keep people away so maybe we won’t bitch about the next thing)

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2- LINES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE – We all will bitch about the lines because we expect 40k people to stick to lines and to be ready when they get to the metal detectors.  So take you goddamn keys outta your pockets you drunk asses so we can watch the whole intro this year.  Guess what?  People are gonna want food and drinks too.  Guess what? They will all want them when the Sox are in the field.  Waiting till the 3rd, yeah, we all do that.  Drinking the amounts that we drink, we also piss.  A lot.  So expect lines.  Don’t go to the bathroom at the last minute, give yourself time.  And Sox, every year it seems like you forget that the game usually sells out for Opening Day.  Act like it.  SoxFest this year (opening ceremony on Friday) was a mess.  You can’t blame people for not following rules that you don’t enforce. You can’t blame the fans for lines (other than the jackwagons I mentioned above who ALWAYS forget their goddamn keys!).  I am hoping things go smooth, but expecting the worst.

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3- PRICES – Yep, it’s expensive to go to a game.  Nope, we don’t wanna hear about it.  I went to a movie, got some snacks, got a drink, I dropped $75 for the two of us.  Plus we paid $14 to park.  Tell me more about how it is unfair they charge $20 to park when you can get a ticket for under $10.  Especially if you come with a group.  $5 a person to park, $7 a ticket, $12 just to get in.  Seems like a swell deal to me. Plus the game might be better than the Steve Jobs Biopic that I am still pissed I spent actual money on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jttj2N55UGU

4- THE INTRO SUCKS – More than likely it will.  Guess what?  If you are reading this you are more than likely a fan, which is short for fanatic.  We are the die hards.  We will go to the game even when they suck.  WE ARE NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE. Once we cross from “casual” fan to “reading (or writing) blogs about the team on a daily basis” fan they won.  They got us.  They switch shit up to attract a new fan base.  One that has other clothing besides Sox related items.  Hell, BeefLoaf has a shirt that no one outside of 35th and Shields would even understand.  I am a fan and I didn’t get it.  Dude is hardcore about his shirts.  We both live in the hood too, so like it or not we’ll be there till we die or move to the ‘burbs. So if a dumbass intro attracts a new base that will bring in more revenue and excitement, by all means play Fall Out Boy.

I see the Sox hired Chance The Rapper as a “consultant”, ABOUT F’N TIME. Dude is from here and rocks the Sox hat ALL THE F’N TIME. Plus he makes music that MILLIONS like.  Dude was on SNL, what TV show were you on?

Think of Opening Day like a first date for the Sox.  They pull out all the bells and whistles for that new girl. It’s only 3 months later that you realize that you got involved with a crazy person!  That is when you see the Sox true colors.  Hell, one Monday last year I was WAITING in a line with less than 10k at the game.  That is just pathetic.  But ya know what?  I like cheap tickets and I like cost effective food and drinks.  I will put up with a little hassle to keep that game going.  ONE TIP – If I see you yelling at staff for an issue that is beyond their control I will say something.  These people do a shit job, for shit pay and don’t need to take your shit too.  Take a boxing class to get out your aggression, don’t yell at a person making minimum wage, working far too hard for it,  especially when they aren’t given the tools to achieve perfection.  You do this to my favorite italian beef ladies (Evelyn and crew) I will smack ya.  Those ladies are lovely.

Here are the odd balls.

5- JOHN DANKS PITCHING – If he would have pitched in Oakland, and we got Sale on Friday, some would be happy.  Others would say that we should have used the actual rotation that we are gonna use for the whole year and F those guys who only show up on Opening Day expecting to see the best pitcher we have.  Look at it like this, John Danks will be gone someday.  Let the guy have his moment this year.  It’s just 1 of 162 games.  Come back Saturday to see Sale and get that sweet hat they are giving away.

6 – SCOREBOARD IS TOO BIG / TOO LOUD – For years we have bitched and bitched about the scoreboard screen being small.  Guess what?  THE WHOLE EFF’N THING IS A SCREEN NOW.  Guess what?  People are gonna miss the old school look.  It’s gonna happen.  We’ll complain because deep down we know we don’t deserve this marvel of electronics.  But we do friends, we do.  I am hoping for lasers.

7 – INTRO SONGS IN SPANISH – Guess what?  Most of the guys on the field DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH. Take it easy Trump, they PAY THEIR TAXES, but they don’t know the language. I for one don’t give a shizz if they do or don’t, as long as they can hit the ball a country mile. The world extends beyond the suburbs, trust me.  Many people in the world don’t speak English, but they are really good blokes.  So enjoy the popular music of Cuba or the DR, and sip a Corona from a can.  It might warm ya up.  Who knows?

8 – SO AND SO DIDN’T SIGN MY BLAH, BLAH, BLAH – When the crowd is smaller on Sunday, you will have the autograph hounds out there.  You know, when I am trying to get focused at work, I love to sign multiple items for grown ass men and women who maybe in turn will sell it on Ebay.  That is how I get focused.  So give these guys a break, buy an autograph if you want one.

9- PEOPLE WILL JUST BITCH ABOUT HOW IT USED TO BE AND HOW IT WAS BETTER  – That’s it. Can’t argue with this people.

Nine is my favorite number so I am gonna end here. I could go for days, but I won’t bore you with my rants today, I will save them for a video some day.  See you Friday, Saturday AND Sunday.  Unless my wife goes into labor, then you will only see me Friday and Saturday. Can’t miss Sale’s first start.

– MSS #99

The 5 – Why can’t I get this in the park?

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MySoxSummer “enjoying” a BHB, with BH. Yes, MSS really is that fat.

1. Big Hurt Beer – I am not going to sit here and lie to you, it is not the best beer you’ll ever have.  However, one of the greatest players in the team’s history has their own beer, so I need to drink it while I watch the Sox.  If you disagree, feel free to buy a delicious MGD, there will be a vendor by in 5 seconds to sell you one.

Side note: I have no idea if this beer is still even sold, but if the world can bring back Crystal Pepsi, I see no reason why we can’t get this.

2. $1 Hot Dogs – These are around sometimes.  Last year they had them for the 4th of July weekend and they sold like crazy.  I’m not saying to replace the bigger, more expensive hot dogs, but let’s have some fun with this.  Have only one vendor sell these, so you have to track them down and hope they have some left.  Nightcrawler would be my pick for who that vendor should be.

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3. Rainbow Cone – I had to check the Sox concessions list a few times because I can’t believe this is not available at the park.  I don’t eat a ton of ice cream at the park, so hopefully I am wrong.  But if it is not available, it’s a damn travesty.  If it is available, we can add Lawrence’s shrimp into this spot.

4. The Tamale Guy – I am not asking for the Sox to sell tamales.  I want the Tamale Guy that shows up at bars at precisely the hungriest moment of your night.  Let that guy roam around the park in the 8th and 9th inning selling tamales.  At the very least, let him in Chi-Sox Bar.  And before you say it MySoxSummer, no he’s not related to me.

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5. Crafthouse Cocktails – These are made by a Sox fan, are single serve, and excellent.  There’s one called ‘Southside’, so I assume that would do ok at the park.  This is a “to be continued”, because we’ll discuss the non-beer options in the park later.

-Chorizy-E

OPENING WEEK! 2016 Predictions

These 2016 MLB projections by some of the folks at the 108 are for entertainment purposes only.  A few of the members of the group may have bet their mortgage payment on these picks but that doesn’t mean you need to.

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MySoxSummer

World Series Winner: Astros
AL Pennant: Astros
NL Pennant: Diamondbacks
AL Division Winners: Orioles, Tigers, Mariners
NL Division Winners: Cardinals, Diamondbacks, Mets
AL Wild Cards: White Sox, Royals
NL Wild Cards: Dodgers, Cubs

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Beefloaf

World Series Winner: Mariners
AL Pennant: Mariners
NL Pennant: Mets
AL Division Winners: Blue Jays, Mariners, White Sox
NL Division Winners: Mets, Pirates, Dodgers
AL Wild Cards: Rays, Indians
NL Wild Cards: Cubs, Giants

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Chorizy-E

World Series Winner: Rangers
AL Pennant: Rangers
NL Pennant: Dodgers
AL Division Winners: Rays, Rangers, Tigers
NL Division Winners: Dodgers, Cubs, Nationals
AL Wild Cards: White Sox, Blue Jays
NL Wild Cards: Mets, Giants

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Polish with Onions

World Series Winner: Cubs
AL Pennant: Rangers
NL Pennant: Cubs
AL Division Winners: Blue Jays, Royals, Rangers
NL Division Winners: Nationals, Cubs, Giants
AL Wild Cards: Astros, White Sox
NL Wild Cards: Mets, Dodgers

The 5. Haterade. By Polish with Extra Onions

 

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This isn’t about you.

OK, I could sit here and talk about the 5 worst seasons ever by a White Sox player. I could reference Adam Dunn, I could go in on Scottie Fletcher’s 1990 season which was an absolute shit sandwich, but none of those actually draw out my hatred. The list you are about to read is a list of 5 players who I hate. You may not hate these 5 players, but there is absolutely no way that you actually liked these 5 players. Without further ado, here is the list of 5:

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Too easy.

5) Billy Koch: If by his 3rd week as our closer you did not pronounce the “ch” as a “ck”, I’m not sure you were watching White Sox baseball. He was a lockdown closer in Oakland, and had a triple digit fastball. What could possibly go wrong? Coming over to the Sox in a trade where we dumped Keith Foulke, I had this joyous feeling. Basically, it was a “My closer is a badass who throws 100 f’ing miles per hour” feeling, but a feeling nonetheless. What did that feeling get us? A 5.66 ERA, a 5.34 FIP, and a -.9 WAR. Oh, let us not forget the $10,000,000 salary that he was earning. The salary part doesn’t bother me that much. Teams pay what they think a player is worth, but this was just a cherry on the top for me. I was young, in college, and could not comprehend how this shit storm was out here every save opportunity. Did I mention that Keith Foulke went on to be much better, with a 2.06 ERA, and a 4.09 FIP. Did I mention that he didn’t suck?

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“Oh man. Why Polish with Extra Onions? Why you gotta be so cruel? “

Polish with Extra Onions

4) This one for me is actually a little bit painful. I was born in 1978, and had access to golden box seats growing up. My favorite player was Harold Baines. I was a righty hitter, but went to extreme lengths to try and mimic Harold’s batting stance and swing. As a tee baller, I thought that if I could just hit lefty like Harold, I could dominate the Donovan Park circuit. This is why it pains me to put him here. Now, this is not 1980-1989, nor 96,97 Harold Baines that I am talking about. I am talking about 2000-2001 Harold. I can vividly remember a game where he got a double, and thinking he should retire and ask for the ball, because it isn’t going to get any better that that. Harold had a -.3 and a -1.2 WAR during this span. What is most astounding is that he had a negative defensive WAR. I don’t even think he had a glove anymore when he came back to the Southside, but that may have been the problem. This was the hardest thing for me to write, but I feel that this has cleansed my soul. I will preach on!!!!!

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That ball isn’t going where you’s expect.

3) Mike Caruso: These kids can play!!!!! No they f’ing can’t. Mike gave us a glimmer of hope during his first season with the Pale Hose. He gave us a +2.7 WAR, a .721 OPS and received ROY votes. Overall, it was an impressive one year resume. On the other hand, we should have seen the signs coming. He tailed off defensively at the end of year one, and his September BABIP was only .248. But we had hope. Mike was going to solidify our SS position for years to come. Then year two came along. Mr. Caruso had a -1.6 WAR and a 47 OPS +. I am pretty sure that the Babe could do that right now. Yes, I know that he is dead, but prove me wrong. His second year was like a terrible car crash. You didn’t want to watch it anymore, but you also couldn’t turn of the television. There were errors, there were terrible at bats, but there was also hope that he could regain form. That was a whole bunch of hate piled into 2 years. In my defense though, those 2 years really seemed like 7.

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Douche? Yup.

2) Dye with the catch, Swish with the worm!!!! Mercy!!!!! Hawk, you get a pass for this, but let’s be honest, Nick Swisher’s tenure with the Sox was so awful. Before I break into my hatred, let me give him a little credit. Swish was playing out of position from day one. When you trade for a corner OF from Oakland, and think you can put him in CF at the Cell, you are not exactly setting someone up for success, but I digress. At first, his Captain Morgan celebration was cute, and catchy, but when you hit an abysmal .219 with an OBP of .332 you are not really allowed to celebrate or complain. I think the fact that it was always someone else’s fault when he struggled is what really amped up my hatred. A -.2 WAR is no one’s fault but your own. But there was Bromontana Swisher blaming Ozzie, blaming the media, blaming the clubhouse. Then of course, he leaves the South Side, and gives the Yankees an 11.5 WAR. He still had the douchey attitude, but it is easier to swallow when he is performing. And just to throw a little icing on the cake, we sent Gio Gonzalez to Oakland to get Nick Swisher. Yeah, that is bad.

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“I fucking won!”

This man is the crème de la crème. He was a utility player that was supposed to be a reserve, but was thrust into the starting lineup because Brian Anderson was supposed to be the next big thing. Brian was one of the best defenders that I can recall, but he could not hit a fastball. You know, the ball that goes straight. That isn’t good for a Major League player. Number 1 with a bullet is Rob Mackowiak. Now, before I get into the thick of it, I want to point out that I have played against Rob in several men’s softball leagues, and he is a fucking stud. He is the fastest player out there, he hits a bomb every time he comes up, and holy shit he is a lefty shortstop that dominates. If only the AL Central was a slow pitch 12” league. Rob basically held his own at the plate with a .360 OBP, and a 98 OPS+, but when you take in the defense, it was so so bad, a -.9 WAR isn’t doing it for me. What if he could cover more than a 6 foot radius? What if he could make the right read on a fly ball? Would we be celebrating back to back WS titles? Damn you Rob Mackowiak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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“Out there dad, that is where the ball is supposed to go”

Honorable Mention: Drake LaRoche. Have you ever had a take your child to work day? It was cute, your child got to see where mommy/daddy worked. You had lunch together, and everyone went home happy. You know what you did the next day? No? Well, let me tell you. You woke up, went to work, did the shit you did every day with the exception of yesterday, and guess what, there was no fucking kid there. Everyone wants to tip toe around this, but Adam LaRoche is a weirdo. Who wants to spend every moment with their child? I have 2 of them, and I gotta be honest, if they were with me every moment, it would not only make my production go down, it would make me underappreciate the time that I do get to spend with them. Now, you could say “Polish, your hatred is really towards Adam.” But what sane 14 yr old wants to spend every moment with his dad? When I was 14, I was trying to get past 2nd base, and not on a baseball diamond. Instead, this weirdo is indirectly the reason that the Sox are in the mainstream media.

I would like to thank Baseball Reference for having the stats to confirm just how bad these 5 were.

– Polish with Extra Onions

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