The 5 – Things That Piss Me Off More Than The Name Change & Why It Shouldn’t Bother You.


Holy shit. The internets went hog wild yesterday when we got the news that our beloved U.S. Cellular Field changed it’s name to Guaranteed Rate Field. Wow. Yep. Wow. May I be the first to say……I REALLY DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK.  Let me explain….

Not even accurate.

1- We already sold out. Once they stopped using Comiskey, we had already sold out, and us fans had lost. So this is technically cashing in when you do it the second time. Plus were any of you really attached to calling our park “The Cell”? Yeah, didn’t think so.


2- This team sucks balls. For all that is holy this team SUCKS. It’s brutal to watch this team day in and day out. Maybe they sucked this bad last year and previous years, but this one is more personal to me due to the offseason moves. I honestly thought they filled gaps and the quick start only sunk the hooks in deeper. It’s like getting dumped and having to watch your ex-girlfriend hanging with the new guy that’s fucking her. It’s awful, that awful.


3-Our front office is suspect. As much as I want a total rebuild, I have about ZERO faith in our front office to make this happen. No way we get what our big guys are worth. This is the same front office that has drama all de time. Same front office who traded for James Shields. Thought Tyler Flowers was the future catcher. Signed Gordon Beckham, twice. Signed Adam LaRoche. That enough?

Kenny Williams still runs this show and I ain’t buying what he’s selling. Actually Kenny doesn’t sell, he only buys.  He’ll buy any old hasbeen you offer a 10% discount on.  Give Rick the keys Kenny! Ricky can’t seal the deal with a 10pm curfew and no car brah.

This whole thing is stupid.

4- Unless it’s a Cubs fan, no one cares. Cubs fans are having the time of their lives right now, kinda deserved. They (Cubs) sucked it up and rebuilt. We just sucked it up, no rebuild. So yes, your Northy friends are gonna give you shit about the name.  What you shouldn’t do is engage them. Just nod when they open their mouth.  What you should do is remind them that back in the day Wrigley Field was the first sell out. They will argue that “no it was the name of the owner”, but remind them that there is this gum company called Wrigley. And they used to give free gum to people. It was first called Weeghman Park, then Cubs Park until it was bought by Wrigley. He named it after himself and his company. They had double mint twins on the scoreboard.  Just cause it’s his name doesn’t make it better. What a sellout.

Ads. Everywhere. LOL

5- If we win, it doesn’t even matter. We won at U.S. Cellular Field not Comiskey, did it ruin that feeling for anyone? Hell no. Call it Astroglide Field, as long as we are winning…..NOTHING ELSE MATTERS ( \m/ ). Attendance will go up when we win. The park will run better when we win and people wanna be there. Fans will quit bitching about bullshit. So let’s do all we can to win.


Corporate names don’t mean shit and have ZERO to do with the product on the field. So let’s focus on that till we win. Another thing that will go up when we start winning is ticket prices, so enjoy those $7 tickets now fans. Cause that will be the 1st thing to go when we string some winning years together

It’s coming White Sox fans, just gotta take out the trash. Go Sox.


The 5 – My week without the White Sox

This is pretty much a “What I did on my Summer Vacation” article.  I never go to write those as a kid, so I’ll do it now.  And to clarify, It wasn’t so much because our teachers didn’t care, but they wanted to stay blissfully ignorant of the child labor laws that were most likely being broken over those summers.  That said, this is about what I did instead of watching the Sox this week.

Monday – Olympics

It was an off day for the Sox, so I didn’t have much choice.  So I watched the Olympics.  I had heard so much about the horrible conditions of Rio, that I was really expecting to see a guy rowing a twin size mattress through the Amazon with chupacabras chasing him.  Instead I saw a bunch of sports that nobody watches anytime other than when the Olympics are on.  Overall, there were definitely some incredible athletes representing their respective countries quite admirably.  And I am sure I’ll get to see them again in either Cirque Du Soleil, Subway commercials, or CDC quarantines.

SAO PAULO, BRAZIL - DECEMBER 04: Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps and Pele (L) attend a Subway press conference to promote healthy living and lifestyle among children on December 04, 2013 in Sao Paulo, Brazil. (Photo by Rafael Neddermeyer/Getty Images)

Tuesday – DOFH

I went out for some $3 Surly Hell Lagers right after work.  It was nice to sit on a roof top deck, drinks some reasonably priced draughts, and watch an over-served girl get carted out by paramedics.  That’s what Tuesday is all about.  After doing that, I was a bit tipsy, so I just watched this on repeat instead of the Sox

Wednesday – Sumac

A friend told me Sumac was playing at Township and we should head up there.  I obliged and ended up doing something I hadn’t ever done: I bought ear plugs at a show.  Now let me explain, this is not me getting old (though I am), this is a band bringing in enough gear to play the United Center in a 150 capacity room.  That said, it was awesome.  Interesting side note, I saw multiple people wearing Sox gear.  So I guess the Sox have finally made in-roads with the much sought after noise metal community.


Thursday – Bears


SAN FRANCISCO - NOVEMBER 12: Jay Cutler #6 of the Chicago Bears lies on the grass against the San Francisco 49ers at Candlestick Park on November 12, 2009 in San Francisco, California. The 49ers won 10-6. (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

Friday – Beefloaf’s Place

So I didn’t make it through without watching any Sox.  I caught some at Beefloaf’s place, since he would not let me watch A-Rod’s final game as a Yankee.  But that’s ok, because A-Rod will be on the Sox in no time and I’ll get to see him in person.  Plus, we ended up spending most of our time talking about North Korea’s dominance in the Olympics.


So what did I learn?  Nothing.  I rarely learn anything. because I’m an old stubborn jerk.  But overall it was nice to take a break, but nothing really compares to baseball, so I’ll see you on Friday in the 108.


Ladies Night

I was pretty excited for Ladies Night with the White Sox, thinking there would be some fun lady-type activities. Or at least a few over-the-top activities for me to make fun. Well there wasn’t much to even comment about.

I was hoping to see a manicure booth where I could poke fun at its girlyness and also participate at the same time. I was hoping to see ladies walking around with vegas-style giant souvenir cups filled with frozen peach margaritas.

Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman - Better Call Saul _ Season 1, Episode 4 - Photo Credit: Lewis Jacobs/AMC

It’s possible that the White Sox Event Department didn’t want to offend by choosing any stereotypical girly things and risk backlash from the feminist sports fans (like me).  But how about they take a chance with some social commentary in the ladies night drink specials.  Since women, on average, make only 78% of the average man’s salary, give us a 22% discount for our drinks!


Here are ideas for a White Sox “Empowered Ladies Night”!

  • Strong examples of iconic women: How about women dressed as the Rockford Peaches? How fun would that be? And they were from Illinois! Hashtag: There’s no crying in baseball!
  • The Sox Social Lounge could add cardboard cutouts of famous suffragettes for Instagram photo opportunities. Hashtag: revolution!
  • Nothing pink. Just stop with the pink. We already have to put up with pink in October during Football. (disclaimer: I’m not against curing breast cancer, I’m just not a fan of a certain pink campaign.)
  • A table for women to sign up to volunteer for the HRC presidential campaign. Women can be president now! Maybe soon they will play major league baseball.
Would beat the Sox by 12 runs
Would beat the Sox by 12 runs

That’s a good start to an all-around fun event at US Cellular. I might even bring my husband. 🙂

p.s. I tried to pay for my frozen margarita with my Woman Card. It didn’t work out so well.

2016-08-05 19.53.34


Twitter: @quernzy

I’m The Jerk That Wants The Sox To Sign A-Rod

Wait, What?

So in case you haven’t been paying attention, two things are going on:

  1. The Yankees are paying Alex Rodriguez about $27MM to GTFO.
  2. The Sox are a raging dumpster fire that should be shooting for a top 10 pick in 2017.

All this said, let’s add A-Rod to the dumpster fire.  I can see you there, you don’t like it, but I don’t care.  I want to see this happen.


Why would you want this?

It’s kind of the White Sox way to pick up a player that was once great, that is barely usable now.  Think Manny, Griffey, Rollins, Canseco, Andruw Jones, and on and on and on.  So this wouldn’t even be out of character for the Sox.  In addition to this, A-Rod is 4 HR short of 700.  I don’t care how many asterisks you throw at it, I’d love to be in the park for someone, anyone’s 700th HR.  And the Sox can use the bump in attendance that would bring, so they can have extra cash to NOT spend in free agency.  It would also require a DH platoon.  This is something so ridiculous, that once again, I want to see it.  I mean, the season is over, let’s have some fun with this.


Lastly, I believe we’ll have time travel in my lifetime.  Not Darren Daulton, crazy person time travel, but real time travel.  And I’m such a dick, I’d really just like to go see 2007 Chorizy-E and tell him that the Sox will have A-Rod, Morneau, and Rollins in the same season.  I won’t let him know, they’ll be absolutely terrible.


How would you even roster this?

I will admit, it is not easy to have 2 DH on the same team.  But by sending down Shuck and Sanchez (sorry Write Sox) and bringing up Leury Garcia, you’re there.  Also, having to play A-Rod at 3B in a pinch would be something worth going to the park to see.  It’d be like putting Minnie Minoso in CF in the 1990s.


But he used PEDs!

I own a Jose Canseco Sox jersey, so obviously this is not an issue for me.  And if PEDs are still somehow an issue for you, you really need to take off the blinders and realize the game you love is completely built on it.  Or did you think that MLB players having ADHD at about 100x the rest of the population is a normal thing?  Do you not know what Greenies are?  Do you think that Jim Thome is the cleanest player ever but played on one of the the dirtiest teams ever?  Yeah, I dragged Thome into it, and deep down you know you should at least question it.  Let’s face it, PEDs aren’t what ruined baseball, it’s why you turned it back on in the late 90s.

Did you forget about David Segui?

I assume you’ve closed the browser by now.  If you haven’t, stop by the 108 when there’s a lefty on the mound, and you want to catch the opposite field 700th HR off A-Rod’s bat.   I’ll be there drinking a few of my performance enhancers.

– Chorizy-E

The 5 – When the Sox move on from RV at Manager, what then???

Good day folks, it’s your buddy BeefLoaf here with a quick hit on what the next White Sox manager shan and shan’t look like…..

5. NO MORE FORMER WHITE SOX WITH LITTLE TO NO EXPERIENCE – RV never coached or managed even one hot minute at any level of professional ball, and there is an unsettling trend in major league baseball to hire former players sight unseen to take the helm.  I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer someone (in basically any field) to have done a reasonable to very long apprenticeship before taking the helm at anything. Do you want someone who frequents your favorite restaurant to suddenly become the head chef?  Me neither….so why would we want that with our baseball team, I know, I know, the example isn’t apples to apples, but its not that far off….I don’t want AJ, I don’t want Paulie, I don’t want Thome, I don’t want Aaron Rowand…………even though Ozzie Guillen served a reasonable apprenticeship as a major league coach (even though he had no managing experience), I still don’t want to go down this path.
4. GETS THE TACTICAL STUFF RIGHT – We don’t need a stat head manager (although I wouldn’t necessarily mind it), but we do need someone that can get the tactical stuff right.  You can go the route of the Pirates and meld the analytics group with the manager and coaches to get it right (Clint Hurdle is not a stat head, but he’s smart enough to use the available info).  I don’t know if there is a Joe Maddon or Jeff Bannister toiling away in AAA, but if there is, that person needs to get a look.  The White Sox have left a lot of runs out there the past 4 years due to these sorts of poor decisions and that needs to be fixed.
3. CAN ACTUALLY MANAGE PEOPLE – RV has been a terrible disaster in this capacity, with what we actually know about…………who knows what else……..I’m not a fan of Ned Yost from a tactical standpoint, but he seemingly gets this stuff right and is able to maximize performance from his players and teams.  Ideally, you’d want someone who is a stat head AND can manage people, but if we have to take one, I’ll take the manager of people who will listen to tactical stuff from the front office.
2. SOMEONE WHO ISN’T AFRAID TO VOICE HIS OPINION TO MANAGEMENT – I view RV as a pet of management, I doubt many of you reading this would disagree.  What you really need is someone that buys into managements philosophy, but can challenge them when need be……look at this roster, at points in the year, there were unusable redundancies on the roster (Sanchez/Saladino & Sands/Garcia) forcing the manager into rough spots when needing or choosing to use the bench……something as small as that can be fixed by a manager willing to speak up and let the Front Office know what he needs.  This sort of thing is worth wins, having a flexible bench, or letting management know when you desperately need a reliable bullpen arm (like right now)……..none of that has seemed to happen during this regime.
1. SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE HERE – Nothing, nothing has pissed me off more during the RV regime than him saying things like “He didn’t realize how much work managing is…” or when asked if he wants to manage next year “Well, I just want to finish up this year before I decide”………ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????……I want a guy in this spot that WANTS TO BE HERE!!!!!  This brings me back to Joe Maddon who was toiling away in the early 80’s in terrible minor league parks managing, working hard to get to his eventual goal and then ~25 years later he finally gets a shot at his dream job and guess what, he attacks it with vigor and joy.  He’s wanted to be here half of his life.  The next manager needs to be someone of that ilk, I won’t tolerate anything else.  Nobody who is treating this like a fucking summer job…..A REAL FUCKING MANAGER!!!
– BeefLoaf

Stuck in the Middle with Jerry

Another trade deadline has come and gone, and the Sox made almost no moves.

What they did:

Zach Duke was traded to the Cardinals for Charlie Tilson.  You’ve probably already read about this and know he’s a plus defender in CF and has a low ceiling.  So what is this move?  It’s all about not paying Zach Duke and trotting out something better than JB Shuck to give the illusion of actually trying to win.  But let’s be clear, this was a salary dump.


What they didn’t do:

They moved no starting pitchers.  If you look around the league, many were moved and almost all returned way more than they’re worth.  To think the Sox could not find a good deal for any of their pitchers is just a flat out fiction.  The Sox also did not land Yasiel Puig.  Now, this isn’t a game changing move, but many reports said they were interested and post-deadline stories tell us that LA had no intention of ending the day with Puig on the roster.

June 20, 2013; San Diego, CA, USA; Los Angeles Dodgers right fielder Yasiel Puig (66) with a giant glove in the dugout prior to the game against the San Diego Padres at Petco Park. Mandatory Credit: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Why? Why? Why?

They’ll give you the bull shit line that they’re trying to go for it every year.  That’s just not true.  What is happening is that they know where to keep their budget to make money off running a small market team (despite being in Chicago).  And they know just how much they need to win to do it and how much hope to give the fan base.  This is why the team never has depth.  You make a few minor moves each year to give some hope, you pick up stars well past their prime, you have a lot of promotions, but you certainly don’t go for it.  You hope you strike lightning and make the playoffs.  And if you don’t, you should still be able to make money, and even more if you can dump 5.5MM at the deadline.


See you soon, if I don’t drown myself in High Life tonight.