INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Which one of the Mickey Mouse ClubHouse’s Hot Dog Dances are best for the BeefLoaf?

You know, during the regular season we often don’t have the time to explore all of the questions or theories that we have floating around in our booze addled brains. The focus between the end of March and into October is primarily White Sox baseball and we try to keep this blog to that topic or tangentially related thoughts.

But, since we have staggered into the off-season, with merely a #108WeightLoss challenge and an uncertain hot stove season, I figured it was time to bring some of these thoughts through. Some serious stuff we just didn’t afford ourselves the time to tackle. And in the spirit of self improvement, I bring you……

Which Hot Dog Dance is Best for ME??

There are 6 individual characters in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse hot dog dance at the end of each episode, it’s Mickey, Pluto, Minnie, Daisy, Goofy and Donald. Below I’ll examine all 6 and try to make sense of which one I think is the best dance for the BeefLoaf to perform.

Mickey Mouse

Mickey’s dance is a dual clenched fist with 45 degree angled arm bends swing combined with an oppo taco leg kick. It looks simple enough, but does take some coordination. It’s a pretty benign dance for a guy who is out front cheesing it up for the cameras as usual. Mickey’s smugness and flailing tail make this dance work. I’m not sure I can pull this off for two reasons.

ONE – I’m not a smug, indignant ASSHOLE that thinks he’s better than the rest of the group and ALWAYS RIGHT about EVERYTHING

TWO – I don’t have a tail.

NEXT……

PLUTO

Pluto’s dance is actually pretty dope and could be a real show stopper out at a club. He does alternating directional power dives while rotating his head in the opposite position. I could see this being a fine groove to a funky dance music mix. He uses his whole body, but it’s minimalist in the most beautiful way.

This kid is a lunch pail type, gym rat, coaches kid. Unfortunately, at my age, getting down on all fours for dancing purposes seems like a subpar angle. I love it, but I don’t think I can get this one done. At 23 maybe, but at 43, I’m fucked.

Minnie Mouse

I’m pretty sure this was the dance that Elaine Benes was trying to execute in Seinfeld. However, Elaine has the motor skills of a pet rock. Minnie’s dance is for flexing her gigantic bow and bitchin’ shoes. I’m not sure if I could line up heels like that in a size 15, but if I can, this might be in the running. A great combo of using a dance to peacock with your best attributes.

Sweet Fancy Moses!!

Daisy Duck

It’s kinda funny that this was the first picture I found. Because laughing at this horrid dance is the first thing I do every time I see it. I’m not one to make fun of others dancing, as my happy feet could be cut to pieces by anyone with eyes, but Daisy really mails it in on the hot dog dance. It’s just moving her hands with no other movement at all.

This is what the hot girls who couldn’t dance in high school would do (Daisy is the babe of the group, not sayin’ just sayin’). Just half ass the shit because the real guapo mufuckas is fighting for position anyways. All that being said, this is the easiest dance ever, so I’ll keep it in the running. I can definitely do this bullshit, but I wouldn’t like it.

Goofy

Goofy’s dance is absolutely breath-taking. Full emotion and effort. An all out athletic endeavor that tests his personal limits. He uses his long limbs and levers to accentuate the trick of making his hat pop off his head. This is a true artist at the peak of his fucking powers. He lacks inhibition and just lets the music flow through him.

I’d love to choose this one, but copying an elite creator in his element seems disingenuous. Plus, I’m not sure I could achieve the trick that makes the move. I LOVE IT. BUT I’M OUT!

Donald Duck

Donald has that cool robot type thing going on, but he brings a liveliness and energy to it that I really enjoy. Plus he keeps the flow with his jumping leg kicks. This one would probably be hard for me to execute, but with a little practice, I think I could get it down. It’s 100% in the running!!!

Concluding, I’m torn. I 100% won’t be adopting Mickey Mouse’s dance or Goofy’s dance for diametrically opposed reasons. I’m leaning towards Minnie’s or Donald’s hot dog dance to become the official BeefLoaf hot dog dance, but please, hit me up on the twitters and let me know what you think.

-BeefLoaf