Well, the GM meetings are over, Christmas has past, and as we look to 2018 and beyond, I would like to instead look at the next few weeks of Hot Stove movement.  I think we have a very unique situation here, because there are a few things going on: teams saving up for the 2019 free agent class, teams picking the bones of the Miami Marlins, teams that put everything into the Otani basket and ended up with shit, and on that note the Angels buying up all they can.  But this has left us with way more free agents than we thought we’d have heading into January.  So let me throw out a few options for White Sox Hot Stove action.

The Royal Flush

With a depressed market, the White Sox take advantage and dish out a bunch of contracts to members of the 2014 Royals and completely fill out the roster.  This is the 5 guys they pick up to do this: Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, Lorenzo Cain, Wade Davis, and Jason Vargas.  Yeah, there are some big contracts here, but the Sox are currently around 60 million for their 2018 payroll, so you could theoretically spend a shit load of money and still be around the 150 mark.  You could actually front load these contracts and give yourself some breathing room in the later years.  Now, I know that some guys you really want to see will have to stay in the minors or will be relegated to the bench, but that absolutely has to happen at some point.  And more importantly, you have to have depth at every position so when guys get hurt, there is someone to take their place.  This won’t completely solve our pitching issues, but I’d like to see a lineup something like this:

2B Moncada
CF Cain
1B Hosmer
DH Abreu
3B Moustakas
RF A. Garcia
C Castillo
LF Delmonico
SS Anderson

The Reclamation Plan

So yeah, the Sox probably aren’t gonna go out and grab a bunch of great free agents and contend in 2018.  But maybe they’ll grab a Major League-esque handful of has-beens and never-will-bes.   So let’s take a look at what’s out there.  First up, Tim Lincecum.  If there ever was a guy you’d like to see Coop turn around, it’d be this guy as his potential seemed limitless when he came up.  He’s had some injuries, is basically out of the league, but as you’ve probably seen, he’s working out like he’s gonna be GloboGym’s starting pitcher and he’ll have some showcases soon.  I’d like to see that.  On a similar potential level, Neftali Feliz was supposed to be an amazing closer, but it never happened. Is there anything there?  Let’s find out.  On the offensive side, I’m looking at Lucas Duda.  This is a power left handed bat, but he’s had trouble staying healthy and even just hitting the ball the past few years.  However, in a RHP heavy division, this could be a nice option at 1B/DH that will be super cheap and easy to flip if he stays healthy and hits (which may be a lot to ask).  Last is a guy that I would just love to see end his career as a Sox: Curtis Granderson.  I might actually try to catch a HR ball if he put one out into the 108.  I’m not sure he even wants to play this year, but I’d love to see it even though he’d steal some at bats from the young guys.

The Mexican Connection

In case you hadn’t noticed, there are a ton of Mexicans in Chicago.  Hell, there are a lot of Mexicans in the 108.  So these players are completely geared towards this group.  Let’s pick these guys up and sell some Modelos!  First up, Adrian Gonzalez.  He’s the best Mexican MLB player since Fernando Valenzuela.  Now I know his back is all jacked up and he might not be able to play much, but come on, he’s a Mexican legend.  To round out the pitching staff, pick 2 of these three guys: Jaime Garcia, Miguel Gonzalez, Matt Garza.  And last, sign Danny Espinosa‘s mustache.  Now we’re ready for the simulcast on Telemundo.

None of this will happen, but I want to point out a couple of things:

1. The Sox will eventually have to go out and get guys and they will put guys on the bench or in the minors that you may like, but depth is an incredibly good thing.  Players get hurt and the Sox shouldn’t be in the position they were a few years ago where Austin Jackson got hurt and they had no idea what to do.
2. The current market is moving slow and if the Sox can pick up a big free agent for less $ than their true value, they should do it.  The Sox are almost certainly not going to shell out the bucks to get Machado or Harper next year, so they should take advantage of the fact that other teams are saving for that.  Much like they used their position of being out on Otani to get some players for international bonus poll cash they couldn’t even use.

-Chorizy-E

 

I was thinking all of the players I’d like to see come through like Lucas Duda, Addison Reed, Melky, etc but I’m sure everyone is asking you for players.  You know what, I’ll put some trust in ya, but can you push on the food and beverage dept to add some of these items?

Breakfast

During baseball season, Sunday breakfast is happening at the park.  Yeah, I know the game starts at 1pm, but when you 108 on Saturday night, breakfast is at 1pm at the earliest.  So let’s try some of these waffles I keep hearing about.

Dessert

I know there are already plenty of desserts in the park, but I feel like one more delicious ice cream treat might be in order.  In fact, an ice cream sandwich would be incredible.  Can you make something like that happen?

Booze

Now obviously, we’d love some lower beer prices.  Maybe something in the $6-7 range for a Modelo.  I mean, I know they charge more than that in Wicker Park.  But come on, it’s the southside.  Well, if you’re not gonna do that, how about a cheap tasty shot we can do after a win?

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and keep the churros and prospects coming!

-Chorizy-E

Good day friends, it’s your pal BeefLoaf continuing our 12 posts in 12 days leading up to Christmas Day.  I was sitting around sipping some fine wine on a Sunday, watching NFL football and it got me thinking……drinking wine and watching football is fairly non-traditional (but awesome), so what other traditions can we change up and come up with a more excellent result.  Enter, Seinfeld, the episode, “The Strike”.  The main plot in the episode is that Kramer goes back to work at a Bagel store after a long…LONG strike.  The reason people remember this episode though is because the Frank Costanza created holiday of Festivus is introduced in this episode.  This is basically the epitome of what I was thinking about…..Frank had the metal pole to replace the tree, he had the “Airing of Grievances” at the holiday meal, in which you tell the other members of the meal what issues you might have with them.  Lastly, Frank had the “Feats of Strength” which pitted George against Frank in a wrestling match before everyone could eat.  Now, this isn’t exactly what I was thinking….I don’t want to create an entirely NEW holiday or anything like that, but I think there are a few Christmas traditions that could be chucked, or amended in the quest for improvement………

Misteltoe

The whole Misteltoe thing always seemed fucked up to me to begin with.  Don’t get me wrong, the younger single version of the BeefLoaf would be thrilled to get under the Misteltoe with a nice looking lady, but it all just seems incredibly creepy.  We are now living in an era, where we are trying to eradicate these sorts of traditions that make people uncomfortable, so how about this………..instead of KISSING under the misteltoe, if you get caught under the misteltoe with anyone, ANYONE, then you MUST do the Kid N’ Play dance.  Practice up mutherfuckers, we got a brand spanking new Christmas tradition.

Stockings

This is a tradition that I have long loved, because it is sort of second banana to the main gifts, but you always land some tasty treats in your stocking.  I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have either Oreo’s or Doritos, or both in my stocking (#FAT).  Here in lies one of the inherent problems.  There are tons of not so healthy treats in the stocking and since we are planning to crush lots of other unhealthy treats all holiday season, we don’t really need to add on here.  Plus, not sure about the stockings you have, but they only fit certain sizes of gifts.  You can’t really get certain things in the stocking that would be cool to have because of size / shape limitations.  Not to mention, the fucking stockings we have at the BeefLoaf home aren’t smooth inside, the gifts catch, so here I am digging deep into a stocking (that I don’t know that well) and forcing gifts to the bottom so I can get the rest of the gifts into the stocking.  WHAT. TO. DO?  I suggest the fine folks at Amazon create “virtual” stockings for us, that we get to open up on a screen of our choice on Xmas morning.  This would also allow us to exchange any of the gifts we don’t want for something of equal or less value.  With the drone technologies that exist now, we should be able to have the ACTUAL items on our door step by mid-afternoon on Xmas day, just after we have finished the meal.  Would be much, much better.

Caroling

Not sure what percentage of the dozens of you who read these postings have actually been caroling, but it kinda sucks.  First off, the person who organizes the caroling is often overzealous and the rotation of songs you are forced to sing are just way too big.  People don’t know the words, truthfully, most people don’t really know how to sing (your pal BeefLoaf included), so why do this….plus, most people hide in their homes when Carolers come along like it is Jehovah’s Witness tryna get in your house and give you the word.  My solution is simple, we add some 108ing to the Caroling and effectively make it Xmas tailgating.  We’ll stroll through your neighborhood with a cooler filled with terrific Baderbrau beer and we’ll have a phone or possibly an OG boom box where we play one, possibly two songs at your doorstep.  You come outside, enjoy a beer, possibly a shot of Jack Fire with Biguns…..dont’ worry, we’ll have candy for your kids, so its a family affair.  We’ll all stand around enjoying a tasty beverage and realize that letting Jose Feliciano sing Feliz Navidad is MUCH better than the 108ers tryna sing it.  After that, we’ll move on and your Xmas season will be all the better.

You see, these minor adaptations could vastly improve your holiday season, so why fight it.  Do you have any suggestions to improve the Christmas Season, reach out to us on the Twitter Machine and drop some knowledge on us.

There are a few songs on here that are just too great to keep off the list, but for the most part, I’m gonna try to give you some tunes that you may have never heard.  In other words, it’s similar to my list of favorite baseball players as a kid.  Of course, Jose Canseco was in there, but it was rounded out by the Ramon Martinezes and Marquis Grissoms of the world.

12. Christmas with the Devil – Spinal Tap

I’ll admit, this is not the strongest offering from the Tap, but it’s still awesome.  St. Hubbins and Tufnel bring the hot Christmas licks you need to properly celebrate the holiday.  And of course, Derek Smalls is there do lock down the groove.

11. White Christmas – Zakk Wylde

This is exactly what you expect from Zakk Wylde, an acoustic Christmas song.  I mean, that’s basically what he’s famous for right?  But regardless, this is a really great version of a song you’ve heard 800 billion times.  Also, since he’s so closely associated with Ozzy, I feel like there has to be some underlying cocaine joke.

10. The Night Santa Went Crazy – Weird Al Yankovic

I think a lot of people really love Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, but let me be the first to say “Fuck that song!”  Look, there is some novelty to that tune, but if you want a funny Christmas song, you got to go to the masters.  Weird Al is the shutdown closer of the group and he doesn’t disappoint here.

9. Blue Christmas – Elvis

I know you’ve all heard this a million times, but hey, it’s Elvis, he has to be on the list.  The only knock on this song is that I’m pretty sure this was young handsome Elvis and not older 108 version of Elvis.  That is the Elvis I love.  But I digress, this is a classic song and Elvis was the man, so it’s an obvious choice.  It’s one of a very select few songs that I have listened to in every year of Bobby Bonilla’s contract with the Mets.

8. Town Meeting Song – The Polyphonic Spree

You probably have to have seen the Nightmare Before Christmas to really enjoy this, but I love both the movie and this track.  I’ve been a big fan of Tim Delaughter since his Tripping Daisy days and he’s the perfect choice to sing this one.  It clocks in at like 10 minutes, but stick around for the solo at the end, it pays off like a Carlos Quentin 9th inning at bat.

7. Santa Claus and His Old Lady – Cheech & Chong

This is a ridiculous track.  Just go listen to it.  You’ll thank me.  This track reminds me of listen to Cheech & Chong records in my college dorm room.  Not necessarily a Christmas memory, but there was plenty of green decoration.

 

6. Ave Maria – Chris Cornell and Eleven

This one has always had a bit of sadness to it, but especially so this year.  For those of you who know Chorizy well, you know that I am a huge Soundgarden and Chris Cornell fan.  I will at least a few times during the Christmas season, grab a glass of brown liquor and just sit and listen to this one.  The music sounds like something out of Clockwork Orange, which for me, only makes it better.

5. Feliz Navidad – Los Straitjackets

This appeals to all my sensibilities.  It’s surf music, it’s instrumental, it bounces between La Bamba and Feliz Navidad, and even without watching a video, I know they’re rocking luchador masks.  This track pairs perfectly with the churros we expect to get from @NotRickHahn this Christmas.

4. Run Rudolph Run – Lemmy

In case you hadn’t heard, Lemmy IS God.

3. Christmas In Hollis – Run DMC

There is not a whole lot of Christmas rap tracks, but this is far and away the best.  This could have been my top Christmas song, since in addition to being a great and original song, it’s also featured in Die Hard.  But the video has this elf that just really creeps me out, so it slips to #3 on my list.

2. Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

With World War 3 fast approaching, this seems like an appropriate choice this Christmas.  This is one of those Christmas songs that would be a good song on its own.  And I have to tip my hat to John for making the correct choice for the chorus, using a children’s choir instead of letting Yoko sing it

1. Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth – Bing Crosby and David Bowie

You’ve got two great singers, doing two great songs at the same time.  This comes together magically like the 2005 playoff run.  Not sure exactly why it works so well, but it sure as hell does.  And as if that weren’t enough, there is a video for this and you get to see them rocking their 80s Christmas gear.

Of course there are tons of Christmas songs and this list could be very long, so I also created a Spotify playlist with some other tracks.  I’ll probably keep adding to it, so go take a listen: A Chorizy-E Christmas

 

As we continue through the Section 108 12 days of Xmas, I’d like to touch on an album you may not know existed.  With a new Star Wars movie out now and Christmas right around the corner, I figured we should discuss the Star Wars Christmas album.  What’s that?  You’ve never heard of this?  Well sit back, relax, and…

The album Christmas in the Stars came out in 1980.  The main writer/composer of the songs was a guy named Maury Yeston.  I’m sure you’ve never heard of him, but he has won multiple Tony awards for his music.  So that’s a good start.  Then, there is a song called R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas.  Why is this song important?  Well, the singer is a 17 yr old kid named Jon Bongiovi that you have probably heard of.  I’m guessing that at this point, you’re thinking you should listen to this.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but this album is one of the worst pieces of shit ever recorded.  I mean, it’s Cleveland Browns bad, it’s 2003 Detroit Tigers bad.  It’s almost unbelievable that anyone put their name on this.  So of course it had hits.  Timeless classics like What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb) climbed to 69 (nice) on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1980.

Possibly the strangest thing about this record is that the record label went out of business because of a separate lawsuit, so there are only like 150k copies of the vinyl out there.  You can get a cd for like $20-30, but the vinyl goes for more.  If you hate money and love bad music, you should probably pick it up.

-Chorizy-E

 

As we continue the Section 108 12 Days of Xmas, I thought I would take some time out to talk about my favorite gift.  There were plenty of disappointments along the way, including the one time I asked for a guitar but got a hunter green winter coat! That was a fun one.  I mean, a goddamn green coat?  Best part yet was that I never wore it in college cause it was TOO DAMN WARM.  Years later when I visited from out west during Christmas I wore the shit outta that coat.  Still was a pretty lame gift.

I also remember waking up with Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain.  Side note- I wish I had kept the boxes, which I am pretty sure we did for awhile, but at some point they got tossed.  All of my dad’s old magazines (Esquire, SI, and Playboy) seemed to make the cut, but a box that would double the value of both of those playsets, ah fuck it, toss it. Funny thing is, I never remember asking for any He Man stuff, just showed up from what I remember.  But maybe I was a crazy person asking for it all the time, who knows! I have selective memory.  Side note – One summer at camp, I got a piece of Bubble Yum from a counselor and I was a winner of the Master Of The Universe Contest!  Here is the commercial. Kids on the bus went nuts and I guarded that wrapper with my life.  I thought I was gonna win all this stuff, but what I was sent was 1 figure, Sy-Klone and a letter.  It was pretty lame.  I was bummed, but it was still cool as fuck to win it. 

I was really into G.I. Joe.  I never got any sweet vehicles or anything that I can remember though.  My buddy John Bowman did though.  The mofo had the GODDAMN AIRCRAFT CARRIER! The rub was though, “It was too big to play with”.  DA FAQ? ASSHOLE.  Nah, John was cool as fuck, had all the new shit when it came out.  Remember Laser Tag?  He had it. M.A.S.K.?  He had it, EVERY FUCKING CAR INCLUDING BOULDER HILL.  Even had the boxes. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don’t wonder the fate of those (and other childhood friends toy collections) toys. A buddy that lived by John had 2 older brothers that also collected G.I. Joe so they had a bunch of stuff.  No aircraft carrier though.

Before you are all “Man, MSS thinks about toys from his childhood alot, what a weirdo” let me tell you a secret.  As a stay at home dad that works freelance for himself, I sell the shit outta classic toys.  Yes, you can pay for an entire season of White Sox games and beer drinking by selling old shit that most people think is garbage. I recently sold the CD long boxes of a bunch of 90’s bands.  Remember those boxes?  Why did I save them?  No clue, but they sold fast.

So, you are asking yourself, “MSS what was your favorite gift?”.  Well, let me tell you a story.  STORY TIME!

Back in my junior or senior year in high school, Urban Outfitters had just opened, which was just like a big thrift store with insane prices.  I was a big grunge guy, much skinnier than I am now, but same taste in music.  So my uniform was a lot of band shirts, flannel, Guess? jeans and awesome work shirts.  My folks used to come into the city right before Christmas and buy presents that me and my sister wanted.  These were usually primo gifts.  Remember when turtlenecks under sweatshirts were cool?  Well, one year I got this sweet Jordan caricature sweatshirt, wore it out a lot.  It was a sweet gift that I still remember to this day.  They always came home with the good stuff.

My dad is a blue collar guy who couldn’t bring himself to spend $50 on a Sunoco work shirt with a “Fred” name tag.  I remember him being floored seeing the prices of these items and my desire to own them.  Which was shocking cause he knew I was stealing all his good flannel cause it was nice and worn in.  And this is how the best gift I ever got come into play.

My dad knew lots of business owners as a guy who also ran his own business and years in Rotary Club. He was talking to a local gas station owner and asked him if he had any old work shirts or hats that he could take off his hands.  Well, it just so happened he did and he gave him a sweet hat.  So on Christmas day, I opened an employee hat from Shell that had been wrapped by my father.  I was fucking floored.  It was sweet, New Era fitted cap, just said Shell on the front and had the local union on the back.  Sadly my father had no idea of the sizing so he ended up with a 7 3/4 hat when I wore a 7 3/8.  But the thought was all that mattered.

Easily the best gift that I was ever given that I couldn’t wear, never used, and was free to the giver.  Isn’t that what Cmas is all about?  I think so.  So thanks Dad, I forgive you for the blue hard plastic Nash skateboard you bought me years previous.  Side Note – I gave away that hat to the Goodwill in 2010.  Funny thing is, I now wear a 7 3/4 with all my hair.  I could have rocked that shit, but I got rid of it too soon.  I think anyways, I am gonna tear apart the basement for it next Monday!

Happy Holidays! Merry New Year!  

-MSS

As we’re doing our 12 Days of Xmas, I thought it would be worth listening to the song, the 12 Days of Christmas.  And low and behold, I came across the worst gift giver in the history of gifts.  Now I know this song is like 200 years old, but I am still very skeptical of this list:

1 Partridge in a Pear Tree
2 Turtle Doves
3 French Hens
4 Calling Birds
5 Gold Rings
6 Geese a-Laying
7 Swans a-Swimming
8 Maids a-Milking
9 Ladies Dancing
10 Lords a-Leaping
11 Pipers Piping
12 Drummers Drumming

So let’s break this down.

5 Gold Rings

This almost sounds like a good gift, but your true love just gave you FIVE gold rings.  Unless you’re Mr T, there is no damn way you would want/need 5 gold rings.  Your reaction to getting this many gold rings would be similar to getting a game worn Derrick Rose Knicks jersey.  You’d think, wow this is nice but I won’t wear this, I don’t want this, and this was probably more money than you should have spent for something that is total bullshit.

So Many Birds

Look, I am sure there are people that give each other pets for Christmas and I have no problem with that.  I imagine as a child, getting a puppy for Christmas would be amazing.  But this is 23 birds!  Even if I slaughter and eat the delicious ones, I still have like 14 birds I have to care for.  This isn’t a gift, this is the aviary from the zoo and now I am in charge of it.  What I did notice was that Christmas marketing is nothing new.  Calling pigeons “turtle doves” is the pet rock of the 1700s.

Human Gifts

Unless your “true love” is a Libyan slaver or the boyfriend in a gangbang vid, they should not be gifting you 50 people.  Although if it’s the latter, the 11 Pipers Piping finally makes sense.  But seriously, what kind of gifts are these?  12 Drummers Drumming is not a gift, it’s an eviction notice.  10 Lords A-Leaping?  Even if that is not Vice-Lords, it’s still terrifying.  And for 8 Maids A-Milking I have to paraphrase Wayne Campbell and say, I don’t even have A COW let alone many cows that would necessitate in 8 maids a-milking.

To sum this up, your “true love” is a psychopath.  This list is milk steak and denim chicken short of being a Charlie Kelly scribbling.  If your true love or actually anyone you know thinks these are solid Christmas gifts, you should probably get them to a psychiatric clinic as soon as possible.

-Chorizy-E

Good day friends, it’s your buddy BeefLoaf.  As the holiday season rolls on, I have been listening to lots of Christmas music, but during all that listening I got to thinking about iconic songs in Chicago Sports History and for my money there is none more iconic than The Super Bowl Shuffle.

For context, the Beloved recorded this song in the final third of the regular season of the 1985 year.  A pretty bold thing to record when the playoffs haven’t even started (who knows maybe they realized that it was lining up for them to face the Dieter Brock lead LA Rams in the NFC Championship).  The Bears did put the song together for charity, but still, it was a cocky thing to do by one of the cockiest teams to ever grace the playing field over on Lake Shore Drive.

How does one celebrate a 32 year old Iconic Chicago Sports Song?  That’s right!  TOURNAMENT!!!!

 

Starting TODAY, and going through each game that remains in the 2017 Chicago Bears regular season, we will be posting twitter polls to help us narrow down the single BEST performance in the Super Bowl Shuffle Video.

Yours truly, BeefLoaf, watched and re-watched this video a half dozen times to pluck the best performances to put into a 16 team twitter poll tournament.  Some excellent efforts didn’t make it, like Mike Tomczak’s funky guitar play, Reggie Phillips killer bongo effort and last but not least, Thomas Sanders spirited claps and points dance.  Look, not everyone could be in, but I think we have the top 16 performances, appropriately seeded and we’d like YOU to vote them into a #1 performance.

So hit us up on Twitter dot com during the Bears game TODAY to start voting!!!!