The Ugly Xmas Sweater Rules

3407528878555731319
Good day friends, it’s your pal BeefLoaf and as we continue the 108’s 12 days of Xmas, I wanted to tackle a topic that I think is very important, but I might be coming at you with a little too late in the season.  Most of you are going to be attending holiday parties of some sort so we need to throw down on the RULES for wearing Ugly Xmas Sweaters.  As someone who enjoys dressing up for holidays (depending on the decor) I figured I would share with you, the plays that I have built up over time on my own beats……
Sluttiness
YAY YAY!  Look Imma be honest here, like I always am with you fine folks, despite being happily married for 15 years and still very in lust with my lovely wife Mrs. BeefLoaf, I still appreciate the slutty Xmas Sweater.  Remember ladies, Xmas can follow Halloween rules, but with a twist.  The sweater needs to be clever as well….you should do this,
ugly-christmas-sweater-nip-opening-640x533
but not this…..
c0b8c8df3c9b
Do you recognize the difference?  One is funny, one is dumb af.
Outrageous Colors
I’m all for outrageous colors in an Ugly Xmas Sweater, but we need to keep them in line with the holiday.  I don’t want to see the dreamsicle Tampa Bucs jersey from yesteryear or the Fat Lever era Denver Nuggets jersey colors, those are both fucked up, but they aren’t Ugly Xmas Sweater style.
I’d go this,

escaped-wet-bandits-ugly-christmas-sweater.jpg

over this
il_570xN.1065982244_d8h6
Clever (Trendy / Retro)
mens-christmas-vacation-i-dont-know-margo-ugly-sweater-2__57743.1475342187.500.900
Ugly Xmas Sweaters can be clever and when I fall into the “Clever” category, I’m a big fan of either “Trendy” (like my Crying Jordan Xmas Sweater, which might be done with its 15 mins of l0lz) or “Retro”, like this fine sweater here.  If you can keep it holiday and retro and pop culture, you’ve really nailed it.
Special Rules for Work Parties
mens-ask-your-mom-christmas-sweater-1
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear Ugly Xmas Sweaters to a work party, unless the party is specifically requesting this attire.  You are either going to get WAY TOO MUCH attention or you’ll have the owners / bosses snickering about your “wardrobe choice” behind your back and you can’t undo that damage.  Believe you me, I like to mix it up at company holiday parties, but I have the personality for people to know its a goof….if that ain’t you…AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.
Other Rules
Last thing….if you are going to wear an Ugly Xmas Sweater, DON’T….DO NOT be the person that wears the sweater for 15 mins and then immediately takes it off.  That’s bullflop.  You either own that wardrobe or you don’t do it at all…..now I can make a caveat for some food or drink spillage or if you are running HOT at the end of the night from imbibing too much, all of those are acceptable reasons for removing said garb, but otherwise, you wear your Ugly Xmas Sweater to the conclusion of the event.
– BeefLoaf
One Comment

Leave a Reply