Simpossible has been a huge 108 supporter for awhile. He attended a Baderbrau tailgate and has crashed the 108 several times. Most recently he attended SoxFest18 with MSS, sorry about that man! His first blog is a keeper, read on-
The season is quickly approaching but there is always one big event between now and the April 5th home opener – media day. Every year, members of the Chicago journalism community secure their golden ticket to a tour of Brooks Boyer and the Baseball Factory. They showcase new upgrades to the stadium and discuss promotions but there’s one main attraction: the food. Last year the Sox debuted a 16” mac & cheese grilled cheese brisket, a chocolate gyro, the Wok Off, and oh yes, the Craft Kave. This year, we’ll try to get ahead of the curve and predict some new items that might debut.
Moncada’s Empanadas – The 108ers already wrote about the alleged existence of empanada’s at Sox park. Sounds like a good time to remarket with a brand new spokesperson. Empanadas have to be healthier than Twinkies, just imagine what would happen if Yoan Moncada ate a box of empanadas instead of a box of Twinkies every day. He’d probably look… the same because he’s already the most jacked monster to ever roam the earth. The point being, empanadas are versatile, tasty, and portable. They deserve to be at the G-Rate.
Nicky D’s Breaded Steak – Nicky Delmonico was a sensation last year with the stats to match. He’s deserving of repping one of Chicago’s famed Italian dishes – the breaded steak sandwich. To honor Nicky’s refined palette, for an extra charge it can be topped with his favorite food: chicken fingers.
Charlie Tilson Chicken Wings – Meat tears right off the bone, which may be fractured in several spots. They’re available for the 2018 season but don’t count on ever getting any.
The Jose Abreu Saladino – For our healthier fans that lost 15 pounds this off-season and actually want to keep it off, this option features arugula, toasted almonds, cranberries, and skinless chicken strips. These ingredients are then put into a meat grinder, rolled into a ball, deep fried in funnel cake oil, and topped with nacho cheese.
Shield’s Meals – For the bargain shoppers. Any leftover foods from the game before compiled into a bowl and thrown out there because it’s a rebuild year, even for the chefs.
All of the items above has gone through a very successful pilot program with one participant. Below is a before and after photo.
You may not know him by name, but you have probably seen him around Sox Park, stopped in your tracks, and thought: Holy shit, this guy really loves the Royals! And he does. So now you’re asking, why is Chorizy-E interviewing a Royals fan? Well, I love baseball and I love going to the games, so hearing from an outsider that sees a lot of games at Sox Park interests me quite a bit. Not only that, I think his charity work is awesome, so I wanted to spread the word. So let’s meet Jeremy Scheuch.
Chorizy-E: How does a KC Royals superfan end up living in Chicago?
Jeremy: The marketing company I used to work for transferred me here in 2005. (If I remember correctly, that was a good year for the White Sox)
Chorizy-E: Having lived in Chicago as long as you have, but having an outsider’s perspective, how would you compare the Wrigley Field vs Sox Park (Guaranteed Rate/US Cellular/Comiskey Park) experience?
Jeremy: Wrigley is a great historic intimate ballpark. That kind of things wear off somewhat quickly and the wide concourses, bigger seats, better bathrooms, parking lots, and food options at Comiskey make it better to me.
Chorizy-E: What are your go-to food and drink options at Sox Park?
Jeremy: I’m typically a beer and hot dog kind of guy.
Chorizy-E: You’ll have to come out to the 108 for a dollar dog day and add to the carnage.
Chorizy-E: What has been your favorite experience at Sox Park?
Jeremy: Sitting front row on September 26, 2014 when the Royals clinched their first playoffs in 29 years.
Chorizy-E: You became an internet sensation when you rocked a vintage Royals cap and jacket at one of their games. Tell us the story.
Jeremy: I’ve been going to Royals games in Chicago since I moved here in 2005. In 2014 when the Royals were getting closer to clinching that playoff spot, I happened to get those crazy seats behind home plate from a friend of a friend and the rest just happened from there.
Chorizy-E: What is your favorite piece of Royals memorabilia?
Jeremy: Probably a baseball from that 2014 playoff clinching game.
Chorizy-E: We’ve seen some of the Royals art you’ve created, what’s the piece that means the most to you? We also saw that you’ve done a Frank Thomas zombie piece, what other Sox players would you do?
Jeremy: My favorite Royals art is probably the Mike Moustakas Moose Dong one, just because it’s so stupid and fun. Some people take baseball a little too seriously and I like to make it weird. I grew up with Frank Thomas, one of my favorites as a kid, but I’m up for anyone. I did do a Harold Brains baseball card that was pretty funny I think.
Chorizy-E: We took a trip to KC last year for Royals/Sox. It was a great time as we’ve documented, but we did notice that there were hardly any vintage jerseys. Maybe a couple of George Brett jerseys, but no Bret Saberhagen, Frank White, Dan Quisenberry, even Bo Jackson. As someone with vintage Royals gear-a-plenty, what’s going on there?
Jeremy: The Royals don’t have as much history as some other teams, but I always see Whites and Wilsons, and Bo jerseys at games.
Chorizy-E: Also on said trip, we hit a place called the Hi-Dive with a Mystery Beer Machine. Have you been? If so, tell us about a Mystery Beer Machine experience.
Jeremy: Hi-Dive opened after I left KC. I was a Buzzard Beach kind of guy.
Chorizy-E: Looking at a pic of it that shows “Great High Life Specials”. Seems like our kind of place. We’ll hit it up next time through.
Chorizy-E: What’s your outlook for the 2018 Royals? What did you think about the way they handled their many free agents this offseason?
Jeremy: Just like every year, I go in with no expectations but hope for the best. I’m just glad it’s almost baseball season.
Chorizy-E: Tell us about the work you are doing in Puerto Rico and what inspired you to take on this work?
Jeremy: My girlfriend and I love going to Puerto Rico. We went about 3 times a year before Maria. After the hurricane, we decided we needed to do something so we worked with our friend Carlos, who is from PR and over the days and weeks and months, things just kept getting bigger and bigger. They still need a lot of help and we couldn’t turn our back on a place that has given us so much. You can found out more about we have done at www.happyhelpertons.org
Big thanks to Jeremy for taking the time to do this interview. We hope to see him in the 108 at least a few times this year.
-Chorizy-E
PS: Quick heads up that we’re running low on our new hoodies especially in bigger sizes, so get over to the From The 108 shop to get yours: https://fromthe108.bigcartel.com/
In 1990 there was this “little” band from Seattle that got a new singer from San Diego. The band was Pearl Jam, the singer was Eddie Vedder. Unless you live under a rock, I am sure you have heard of him. Eddie was in the clubhouse in 2016 when the Cubs won the NLCS / World Series. Eddie is a good friend of Theo Epstein. All signs point to Ed being a Cubs fan, but guess what? When he was making his mark on this world, he didn’t wear a Cubs hat. He wore a black White Sox hat.
In the early 90’s, the Cubs weren’t cool. All of the attention was to the south on a team making some noise with young players. Robin Ventura. Frank Thomas. “Black” Jack McDowell. That last guy was a wild card. His attitude matched his pitching style and behind the scenes he played in “alternative” bands. Eddie and Jack were friends, brought together by their girlfriends, and became drinking buddies. Rumor is that the hat was a gift from Jack. Lotta angst in Eddie and much the same in Jack. Peas in a pod. Then in 1993, this happened –
In November 1993, Pearl Jam arrived in New Orleans for three sold-out concerts at the UNO Lakefront Arena. While in town, Vedder and company also recorded two songs for their third album at producer Daniel Lanois’ now-defunct Kingsway Studio on Esplanade Avenue.
In the pre-dawn hours of Nov. 18, Vedder and his buddy Jack McDowell, a Cy Young Award-winning pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, decided to blow off a little steam on lower Decatur Street.
Around 4:30 a.m., they got into an altercation with James Gorman, a Terrytown waiter, and Anthony Martinez, a bouncer at the Crystal nightclub. Shoving and spitting escalated to punches. McDowell was knocked unconscious, and went to the hospital for stitches. Vedder went to jail, booked with public drunkenness and disturbing the peace.
Hours later, he posted a $600 cash bail and was released. The incident was splashed across the front of The Times-Picayune, under the headline “Slam Jam,” on Nov. 19. That night, Pearl Jam played its final show at the Lakefront Arena, then left town.
I remember the news going crazy. Jack was forbidden from hanging out with Eddie. That’s what my dad said anyways and he doesn’t lie. This was crazy Eddie. Fun Eddie. White Sox Hat Wearing Eddie Vedder. You kids remember that Eddie Vedder? I do.
Is that not enough for you?
All this crazy Eddie stuff happened during the days when he rocked that Sox hat. Coincidence? Nah. Hell nah. Cause that hat gives ya balls! He was climbing up speaker towers. Trusses. Stage diving into the crowd. He was as the young kids say, LIT. But then, after 3 hit albums, numerous tours, millions of fans, Eddie starts talking about being a Cubs fan. And that’s when the change happened.
Yep, that’s Cub Fan Eddie. I don’t think I really need to post any more pictures but hey, I like to make a point and slam it home like Shaq (with a sweet assist from Penny!) in NBA Jam.
CHICAGO, IL – OCTOBER 22: John Lackey #41 of the Chicago Cubs celebrates with musician Eddie Vedder after defeating the Los Angeles Dodgers 5-0 in game six of the National League Championship Series to advance to the World Series against the Cleveland Indians at Wrigley Field on October 22, 2016 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
Remember the album after Vitalogy? Nope. NO ONE DOES. It was No Code, but you don’t know shit about it cause PJ went underground and Eddied started loving on the Cubs. Yep. The underground PJ years are directly related to the Cubs suck that gets stuck to anything they are associated with. Tribune went bankrupt, coincidence? Hell naw.
Now listen, I have no problem with Ed or Pearl Jam. I have been to several concerts, danced to a PJ song at my wedding, belong to the fan club, but I wouldn’t consider myself a die hard. Which sounds odd to most people but seriously they have some really serious die hards. But my PJ fandom is not the fandom at hand. It’s Eddie’s with the Cubs.
I don’t know about you, but as a Sox fan, I have never worn a Cubs hat. Not a single time from what I can recall. Side note – I remember as a young guy, as an aspiring white rapper, wanting to be the first one to wear Illinois gear. When Kris Kross did it in their video, I was crushed. Fuck you Kriss Kross. Ruined my dream.
Anyways, if I ever became a star in the public realm, no way in hell I am reppin’ another teams hat, jersey, shirt, whatevs. Eddie is what BeefLoaf would call a “false flagger”. I see him using that hat as a tool to garner that street cred that a young band needs. As they got famous, Eddie picked up the blue and red and started flying that W flag. What a douchey move.
Listen I expect a guy like John Cusack to flip flop like a limp noodle. He’s an actor, a good actor mind you (fucking loved Say Anything, don’t @ me), but still a flip flopping actor. But I don’t expect the guy who took on Ticketmaster to be so spineless when it comes to team fandom. Hell, this guy wears PACKERS jerseys but he’s a BEARS fan. Don’t believe me? Feast up doubters –
Kinda makes you sick huh? It’s ok, he’s still the same guy, just false flags when it will get him some props. Which as a die-hard just makes me lose respect. Do you know how many times when I lived out west when I told them I was from Chicago they responded with “So you’re a Cubs fan right?” The words “Fuck No” couldn’t get out of my mouth fast enough. It’s hard out there/here for a Sox fan. We had 2005 and (at least) a solid 3 years after that that we were given some props, but nowadays it just business as usual. Cubs finally won one, so ya know, they are the best. Blah, blah, fucking blah.
In conclusion, White Sox Hat Wearing Eddie Vedder is some much cooler than Cubs Fan Ed. So, enjoy your lame Eddie Vedder north siders! Much like Harry Caray, we had him first, when he was young and hungry. And shirtless.
There might be a part 3 of this on the “future” there might not be. It might come soon, it might come later, or it might never come. But do me a favor and wear that Sox hat loud and proud. Be like our man Chris M. and own a billion Sox hats, because you are gonna need some variety to wear when we are demolishing teams left and right in 2020. The future is bright, but we’ll still be rocking black.
-MSS
PS- Go vote in our White Sox Twitter Tournament on the Twitter. Find out all the info here! Thanks to all who voted for me to beat Mrs. Chorizy in my 1st round matchup. She is a famous actor (Chicago PD anyone?) so I knew it would be tough.
ALSO – Congrats to Loyola, can’t wait to see them in the Final Four and then trowing out the first pitch on a shitty weather Opening Day. Maybe we’ll get Sister Jean too. But maybe she should stay home, don’t need her getting a cold in what promises to be a shitty weather day per usual. Colds are really bad to old people. Dr. Feelgood told me that.
As I have said many times, I like to feed the trolls over on Reddit from time to time. About a year ago, when the article came out about Chance dissing the Sox (or vice versa), a poster said something that stuck in my head for awhile. He stated that Chance would have elevated the Sox hat in status, I fully disagreed. I also stated that aside from maybe the Yankees and Dodgers, you would be hard pressed to find a more iconic hat. The White Sox hat is an icon. Wanna know why? Read on.
The Change.
Things were looking good for the White Sox in 1990, except our uniforms. We had this stud rocking this red,white, blue wonder –
They were just about to open up New Comiskey Park, and of course they needed a 3rd uniform change in 9 years. I remember seeing the new uni’s in the paper the day after the last game. I wanted one really bad, it was a game changer. From what I can remember, there was a huge run on merch, as a Sox fan it was shocking to see so many people rocking a Sox cap or shirt. Pretty sure I also remember the Sox taking some crap for switching to a Black, White and Grey scheme. Which fell right in line with the Kings and the Raiders as top selling stuff for anyone that wanted to look like they were in a gang (or actually be in a gang).
Did they do that on purpose? I would wager that they did. It was a smart move that made them (and the MLB) a ton of money. It defined them as the bad guys on the southside wearing black. The previous uniform “C”, wasn’t something that was feared. It looked very similar to the boys up north, just didn’t fit our team. Old English Font. Black. Pinstripes. That fit better.
“Got my chrome to the side of his White Sox hat.”
How did this hat become so popular? For one, it’s a sweet logo. It was a take off of a previous logo used by the Sox (1959), but this one was more updated, rounded, smooth. It was adopted by many people in popular culture. Especially in hip-hop / Rap culture. Eazy-E. Dr. Dre. Tupac. Jay-Z. Chuck D. Ice-T. Ice Cube. Puff Daddy. Kanye West. Just to name a few. And in case you didn’t notice, those are all the heavy hitters in rap. And I am sure I missed even more.
The new guys like Chance seem to rock it these days too, including west coaster Kendrick Lamar. And a bunch of people that I don’t even know who they are.
Singer Justin Bieber poses for a portrait in West Hollywood, Calif., Thursday, May 6, 2010. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)
arrives at the Pre-VMA Summer Soiree presented by Def Jam Rapstar and Kodak on September 11, 2010 in Brentwood, California.
It symbolizes a tough image. Hard working. Grinding. It tosses it back to the old school for the new guys. It garners the respect. Many of the heavy hitters wore it during their early years, during the struggle. So while Chance has introduced it to a younger generation of rap fans, it was done long before he ever got in the game.
There is a serious amount of cachet that this hat demands. There are too many people to list that have worn this hat and will wear this hat. It’s a classic in hip-hop / rap culture. But was this hat only for the rappers? Hell no. In part two we’ll talk about those guys, especially one guy in particular, Eddie Vedder.
-MSS
Make sure you vote in our Twitter White Sox Personality Tournament! 8am to 8 pm the polls are open! Today is the play in games and there have already been hundreds of votes!
Also, you may have noticed at our Prediction Show I was wearing a brand new hoodie that the good folks at 4th Shift Printing made up for us. They will be available in the store by Friday! They are athletic cut so they make you look slim. Even the fat guys like myself. So keep a look out for that!
Good day folks, I’m very happy to be here to announce a very special Twitter Poll tournament that the 108ers are hosting on www.twitter.com “The White Sox Twitter Personalities Tournament“
We have been working long and hard (several days) putting together the field for this tournament. In its inaugural season, the tournament will have 36 teams, which is a standard 32 team tournament with 4 play-in games which start tomorrow!!!
The 108ers, because its our party and we’ll cry if we want to, have selected 4 different regions……
Celebs….with our Chuck Garfien as the #1 seed and the #1 overall seed in the tournament.
Bloggers……with WhiteSoxDave as the #1 seed in that region
SuperFans…..with the young buck ChiSoxFanMike as the #1 seed in that region
and finally, last but not least, without further adieu, coming down the mountain, here she comes, here she comes……the 108 region, with the Mayor of the 108, MySoxSummer as the #1 seed in the region.
Below is the full bracket (click the link to see it), feel free to follow along at home or possibly even fill out a bracket and send it in before the tournament starts. If anyone gets a perfect bracket we’ll come to your house and drink all your beer to celebrate!!! Now, you know you can’t beat that deal!
Howdy friends….In a galaxy, not so far away, in a time that was, well 6 years ago, Section 108’s very own, Slumpbuster was in a commercial for the Champagne Lodge…you know, the Sybaris’ long lost cousin. Anywho, some how, some way, our pal Slumpbuster knew a guy who was able to get him into the commercial and not just IN the commercial, but he’s a main fucking character in the commercial. See below, for a fine slice of character acting…..
Admittedly, the first time we saw this after a Friday night Sox game, all together at Casa de BeefLoaf, we laughed our collective asses off. It is not everyday that one of your chucklehead friends gets to be on TV acting like an even bigger jackass than normal. So, since I was thinking about it, I figured I would share this piece of 108 history with all of you.
Just wanted to thank everyone that came out last night, those that watched on Periscope, and Baderbrau for hosting. It was a ton of fun and we got a chance to catch up with some more Sox friends. Hope everyone had as good of a time as we did.
Being a stay at home dad has its upsides. Most of my days I am in shorts or sweats all day. We have a wide open calendar most days (ending soon as we signed up for spring “Daddy and Me” classes) which allows us to have a “see where the day takes us” kind of attitude. So when BeefLoaf alerted me that Mike North was having an estate sale, I was in without even thinking about it. I mean, he has to have some really good stuff right?
So we packed up the car and I grabbed my checkbook. We drove north to The Norths’ and of course the Chicago traffic wasn’t friendly. So many damn trucks. Little Miss Shortstop (LMSS) was awesome in the car though and was happy to get out.
Yep, this is how we found the sale. There were tons of cars in the area so I braced myself to have to wait to get in, but alas it was no issue. Estate sales are a crapshoot, I went to a few last fall and vowed to never go to another. I did have some luck last fall, hit a house with 6,000 Starting LineUp Figures most selling for $1 each. But usually you hit sales where they charge Ebay high prices. With the build up in the paper I was expecting to see collectors as far as the eye could see. But do you know who is at an estate sale at 10:30 on a Thursday? OLD PEOPLE. We saw several going in as we entered the garage.
In the garage we picked up some stuff, including a set of White Sox and Bears bean bags (for $1 each) and a custom bat made for Mike. I was met by a very lovely lady at the door who asked me to put on some booties like you see in CSI. Which given the foot traffic I fully understand. We entered the kitchen.
It’s a dope house. Lots of character. And in the kitchen you could get any type of kitchen device, utensil, container, whatevs for a pretty cheap price. But the blender was sold, or was on hold rather, till the little old lady came back to see if she had the missing piece at home so she could purchase the blender. I wanna have time like that. I wasn’t really into the kitchen stuff so I moved to the living room.
At this point I noticed a lot of the older crowd carrying bottles of booze around. I was like “shit, I just missed the booze sale”, which I didn’t even know was an option. Luckily I only drink beer and there was no beer. On the couch pictured above, they had tons of jerseys which I went through. Lotta Bears, but not my size. There was an old school 670 softball jersey which was a XXL (that I almost bought for BeefLoaf) but alas they wanted too much money. Which was a totally reasonable price, but just a little more than I wanted to spend. We hit the den and grabbed the holy grail, a MIKE NORTH BOBBLEHEAD. $3! SCORE. I was looking at some mini helmets and my daughter spotted it. And she wouldn’t let it go.
I knew of this doll’s existence. I had never seen one, but there it was. A 3ft “Mr.Playboy” bunny, holding a martini glass and a pipe. Dressed in a smoking jacket, tux shirt, pants and slippers. It was pretty awesome and my daughter kept yelling “Bunny! Bunny!” So being the great father I am, I grabbed the bunny and my daughter embraced it and gave it a kiss. I also grabbed a Ditka mini helmet and left them with the lovely lady watching the door. We headed downstairs which I had been told had all the sports stuff.
AHH-MA-ZING. Now, it didn’t look exactly like this, but it was pretty damn close. Everything left on the walls was for sale and there was some pretty damn interesting stuff. I was made aware that only cash was accepted and I was only holding $80 so I was being picky. Saw some great White Sox stuff that would have looked good in the house, but this caught my eye.
How fucking cool. Found another bobblehead too, and at this point Little Miss Shortstop was thrilled as there were toys and coloring books! So she got what she wanted and we went behind the amazing bar. IT WAS HUGE. Like, the size of my kitchen. When I talked to the boys later, I said it was “we wouldn’t go to games” nice. I could see Mike holding court there back in the day and what an amazing upgrade on a sweet house. 6 GODDAMN TV’S. Simply awesome.
After we went though all the stuff, we made our way upstairs to make our purchases. I asked if Mike was there, they said he was, but he was upstairs. I brought some 108 gear for him and wanted to pass it on, which I did. I didn’t feel like it was important enough to get him, so we just gave it to one of his buddies working the sale. We loaded up our gear and LMSS decided that she was ready to take a walk. Being a lovely day we decided that we’d walk the block a few times. Thank you to Mike’s neighbors that didn’t yell at me or my daughter (who has no desire to walk on the sidewalk) for walking in your grass.
After we picked up 3 pine cones and chased a squirrel we decided (me, just me) that it was time to go. As we walked back to the car, Mike’s buddy yelled at me to come in, Mike was in the kitchen. So being a guy who never misses his moment, I grabbed the bobbles and the bat. Mike was holding court in HIS kitchen. My first memory of Mike was the infamous Ozzie Guillen call. Same voice. Looked great! Before he even finished his conversation with another fan he bounced over to us and thanked me for the gear. Just a natural conversation and he took some pics with us. He also signed the bat and the bobbles and I am not joking shot the breeze with us like we’ve known each other for years.
I asked if he still goes to games, he said nah, he’s got all the packages. But I let him know that if he ever wanted to come to a Sox game with us, we’d love to have him. I dropped that Kittle had spent some quality time in the 108 and that seemed to peak his interest. He asked if we had season tickets, I said yes, and he said that if we ever have an extra to message him and he’d come down. FUCKING AWESOME. I don’t know if we can handle both Mike and Ron, but goddamn how sweet would that be? BeefLoaf would mess himself. I might get a few questions in, but I am sure they would control the conversation. So let’s hope (and pray if that is your thing) that Mike was serious and will grace us with his presence this summer.
It was a great day. LMSS loved it and was a peach all day. Thanks for opening your house Mike and doing it right. If you wanna buy some of his stuff, they are there today (Friday March 16th) from 9am til 3pm and Saturday from 9am to 1pm. The address is 631 Austin Ave. in Park Ridge. Swing by and say hi. He’ll love it and you will too. Thanks again Mike, see ya this summer.
-MSS
So our good friends at 4th Shift Printing made us some damn fine hoodies! They are a “PREMIUM” black hoodie, look cool as hell. We’ll have them up the shop soon, so if you want one, go buy one!
A few weeks back we got a question for the Sunday Soak (on Saturday), by friend of the blog and the host of the Sox Machine podcast Josh Nelson, asking what food items we would add this season to the bevy of choices at Sox Park. My answer during the Soak was an answer that I have had percolating in my semi-functioning brain for the past decade or so, Beef Jerky. I’m very satisfied with that answer, but it sort of brought me to a deeper point in why I (and Chorizy-E) don’t really eat much at the ballpark and what types of foods might inspire me to eat at the ballpark more. You see, when you are #108ing, it usually involves a tall frosty brew, possibly 2 of them as the crew often gets themselves “backed up” as we call it in the business. So we have one brew in “the holster” (ie the cup holder behind the seat in front of you) and one on the ground (where, by the way, it’s perfectly safe to eat a soft pretzel that MAY have rested there for moments after a celebration mishap), not to mention, we are likely involved in a conversation involving Seinfeld, Music, a previous trip / vacation or possibly even the White Sox and baseball. We might also have our phones out tweeting the next most recent mundane, marginally humorous, thought that crosses our mind. You get the picture, we got a lot going on in the 108 at any given moment, so the last thing we need is a food items that takes two hands and a tv dinner tray to eat. If it requires a fork, it can fuck off. We need convenience. A slice of pizza is convenient, a hot dog is convenient, because you can palm these like one of those mini-basketballs that they used to make in the 90’s with your favorite NBA team on them and throw that shit down. Here is a short list of my other favorite foods that fit that bill and would be a perfect fit for Sox Park. As Chorizy-E always says “we know Brooks Boyer is listening”, so here I go…….
Beef Jerky (Time)
As I said on the broadcast, there isn’t a single better addition to the ballpark food selection, in my mind, than some local, premium Beef Jerky. I think you could charge a decent price for it too, as it is the perfect compliment to a tall, cold Modelo. I know the 108ers would indulge quite frequently and it would surely enhance our ballpark experience. Most importantly though, it is a very convenient food, as I can one hand stab that chit and still drink brews and tweet and possibly even watch Adam Engel strike out on 3 pitches.
PopCorn Balls
Look, I know what you are going to say, I can just see it now on twitter “Popcorn balls suck” and then some lunatic is going to go to the mattresses defending PopCorn balls like it was his Mom’s honor. I don’t mean to cause such distress in an otherwise peaceful twitterverse. PopCorn balls have a tortured history for people our age, because it was a special treat to get a PopCorn ball and actually get to eat it. I remember we would occasionally see them on Halloween when the weird guy with no kids down the block that looked like he worked a job with his hands and would always be dirty like a mechanic, but was on disability would sit on his porch with his German Shepherd and hand them out. But back then, you couldn’t eat such a delectable treat from such a trustworthy gift giver. NOPE! There was widespread fear that these items had RAZOR BLADES in them. Do you remember that? Do you remember your folks vigorously searching through your Halloween candy to ensure its safety? If only they vigorously checked and helped you with your homework back then you wouldn’t be unemployed from your gas pumping job in Oregon because those stupid legislators now believe it is safe for people to pump their own gas. I digress, it was PopCorn Balls and Apples that were supposedly injected with RAZOR BLADES. Can you imagine the patience and attention to detail it would take to get a RAZOR BLADE into either of these items and avoid detection so that the unsuspecting child bit into it and cut up their face? Well, my parents and lots of other parents could, so we couldn’t really eat PopCorn balls…..but guess what, if the White Sox were to sell them at the ballpark, now you can, and there probably aren’t even too many of the RAZOR BLADE ones left from the 1990’s. Sure the PopCorn ball isn’t really that good, but imagine the PopCorn ball fight that could break out in the 108 after last call. If memory serves, the PopCorn ball is a little heavier and a little less curvier than a whiffle ball, so it would be loads of fun.
Empanadas
According to MySoxSummer, they already have empanadas at Sox Park, but since I don’t believe his recall is accurate on said things, we trudge on. Empanadas also fit the bill as being a one handed food experience. Jim Abbott could crush an empanada without using his non-throwing hand, so you know its good. If you haven’t had an empanada before, SHAME. ON. YOU. I think local restaurant Nana should supply them because they make the best empanadas around. The way an empanada is put together, you can actually cheers the ends of the empanada with your neighbor before you take the first bite and break it open. It’s a perfect celebratory food for the ballpark!
Cannolis
There is no more Bridgeportian treat on this list than Cannolis. No, I am not talking about the bastardized mini cannolis (which are delicious as well), I am talking about a fucking full sized Cannoli. There are many spots in Bridgeport that make a fine cannoli and could be able to sling them at games. Again, the cannoli is a one handed treat, that a person can eat and tweet with. If Chorizy-E and I can ever get one of the local joints to sponsor it, we intend to do a Cannoli eating competition, possibly with some of you folks, but it’s still a work in progress. Until then, Cannolis are fucking terrific and should be a main part of the ballpark that is in Bridgeport (Bonita Steakie would tell me, daddy, it’s actually Armour Square….she can go pound sand).
Mochi
While we are on the dessert tip, let me just bring in something from our Japanese brothers and sisters. Mochi is Japanese ice cream, with a thin, dumpling-like case around it. Not only do the Japanese make weird flavors like Green Tea that turn out to be fucking delicious, but these are hella easy to eat given the outter casing. Only one draw back is that they have a light dusting of powdered sugar on the outside, but it’s not that the big of a deal because 25% of the adults sitting in the outfield corners / bleachers are doing blow in bathrooms anyway. Just think if Rick Hahn would’ve gotten off his ass and brought in some Mochi for the meeting with Shohei Ohtani, we might not have to pretend that Carson Fulmer is a starting pitcher. Now, some of you will say, look we have a few different ice cream options at the ballpark, and YES, those options are good, including Dip n’ Dots (which I enjoy as well), but Mochi is far superior in fitting the criteria I have laid out as well as tasting great!
Hom Bao
This could be the Cadillac of stadium foods and yet, the #WhiteSox who trot out basically everything as a potential food item don’t take it seriously. There are numerous restaurants in Bridgeport’s neighborhood cousin Chinatown that make a mean Hom Bao. The two main versions are BBQ Pork or Ham and Egg. Both are delicious, both would go great with a tall, cold Modelo. They are also super easy to eat, as they are basically a closed, or semi closed sandwich. This is the type of snack that allows you to make a passionate case for why trading Nick Swisher to the Yankees was a bad idea and not lose any of the contents of the Hom Bao. As kids, Chorizy-E and I crushed many Hom Bao’s on Sunday mornings (typically leading up to a Bears game, you know, when they were good)…..although Chorizy-E is a pussy and doesn’t like Eggs so he’d de-Egg his, but still, its a fine sandwich. I think if properly marketed, the Hom Bao would crush at #WhiteSox games. Brooks, book it!
This is the final part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
You’re at the park, so time to shovel something into your face. I mean, this is America guys!
Snacks
When I think snack food in Vegas, I think of the ridiculous downtown casinos that serve insane fried foods. We’re gonna have fried Twinkies in hopes we can sign Yoan Moncada in free agency at some point. We’ll also have fried Oreos, Snickers, and what the hell, just bring us food and we’ll throw it in the fryer for you for $1.
Food
Obviously the food will be ridiculous. Actually, you know what? We’re just gonna have 30 Heart Attack Grills in the stadium. If you don’t know what that is, check it out: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/. You have to love their vegan option: Lucky Strike Cigarettes. That’s our kind of place. There will also be a buffet. And yes, we know plumbing will be a larger expense than our relief pitching staff.
Drinks
Believe it or not, people like to drink in Vegas. Of course we’ll have those gigantic bull shit sugar drinks that you see idiots walking around with on the strip. We’ll probably do some stupid baseball bat full of everclear and blue ice too. But the real deal is finding the Casino Royale bar in right field (right behind the 108) where you’ll get their patented $2 Michelob special. My stomach hurts just thinking about all of this gloriously gross booze.
