You got me, I really just wanted to use the phrase “pure poppycock” and have a pic from Dodgeball.

But really, Pace of Play is a load of shit.  In no way will shaving a few minutes off the game help you attract more fans.  There are a number of problems with this theory but the biggest is that the NFL’s pace of play is worse and it gets monster ratings.  The Wall Street Journal did some research on the amount of action and the length of games.  If you’re too cheap to subscribe, like me, the summary can be found here.  The research found that MLB games were just under 3 hours and had about 18 minutes of actual action.  Football on the other hand, has game lengths of about 3 hrs and 10 minutes and anywhere between 11-17 minutes of action.  So why is this not a problem for football and what can baseball do?

RedZone

One of the great innovations of the NFL in recent years has been the RedZone channel.  Yes, there is under 20 minutes of action in an NFL game, but if you add that up across 8 games at once, there is almost non-stop action.  So without a rule change, you have introduced a way to have more action in your telecast.  Contractually, this may be tough for baseball to pull off, but imagine if they could?  In addition to having more action in a single night of baseball, you’d get all the hometown calls, which are another great part of baseball.  Now MLB Network already does this a bit, and admittedly it is not as popular as RedZone and the next item might be why.

Fantasy Sports

Fantasy Baseball is simply not as enjoyable as Fantasy Football.  It’s not that the sport is somehow inferior, it’s that it does not work for the casual fan.  Having to make daily updates and deal with more positions, more categories, and less players good across a number of them makes it more difficult to do.  This cuts out your casual fans and lessens the viewership for games that don’t include their favorite team.  You’ll see a lot of this as the Sox become terrible this year.  So what can be done?  Gambling.  Rob Manfred has already softened MLB’s stance on this and it’s a smart move.  The best way to bring in casual fans is to allow them to bet on games.  Now to shift gears completely.

Kids

As kids play less and less Little League, baseball is going to have trouble teaching the rules of baseball to kids.  People who say “baseball is so boring” tend to not understand the rules or the strategy of the game.  Football, has this same issue, which gives baseball an opportunity to jump in and attract young viewers.  One great way to do it, is to have interactive apps for baseball.  Increasing spending in this arena could attract kids to watch more games and to have something interesting to do between pitches, assuming you don’t speed up the pace of play.

-Chorizy-E

Good morning fam, although chief editor aka creative czar aka HNIC MySoxSummer warned us about writing about Avi Garcia again, FUCK HIM!  I guess we’ll have to distract him with rare bobbleheads while we post this, because this has to happen……

I am not sure what is worse, that our RF weighed in at the END of a season at 268 lbs, or that losing 5% of that substantial weight is considered some sort of an accomplishment.

Here are a list of ways that fat people the horizontally challenged, can lose 5% of their body weight.

• Brushing Your Teeth
• Skipping the Chinese Buffet for lunch tomorrow
• Not using the motorized carts at WalMart
• A Bowel Movement
• Walking into White Castle instead of using the drive thru
• Meditating for 20 mins (theoretically you shouldn’t be stuffing your face)
• Stop using a Snickers bar to stir your coffee
• Using the steps to get on the bus instead of the lift
• Don’t use Strawberry Quik in your cereal
• Sharing

 I’m starting to think that the White Sox propoganda machine is forcing this silliness into the ether, because it seems so stupid.  Literally anything could be better to read than a guy who doesn’t wear shoulder pads to make his athletic living has SLIMMED DOWN to 254.  Yikes.

I’m officially rooting for Rymer Liriano to take Avi Garcia’s spot, this is too much, I mean how much are we supposed to take from this underachieving, overeating former prospect.

Intentional Walk is now a dugout signal

Congratulations MLB!  You’ve saved about 10 seconds per game.  Sit back and watch the millennials flood in.

Intentional Walk is now a dugout signal

We’re never gonna see someone swing at an IBB pitch again.  I don’t know about you, but that makes me sad.

Intentional Walk is now a dugout signal

A lot can happen in those 4 pitches: wild pitches, stolen bases, pickoff moves, and the oh so rare catcher balk.  That’s all gone now, just more camera time for the handsome managers of the league.

Intentional Walk is now a dugout signal

The only possible outcome is more intentional walks, meaning less at bats for your stars and more for the guy who bats behind them.  Way to bring in the fans!

Intentional Walk is now a dugout signal

Somehow I know this rule was put in for Jon Lester.  OK maybe Blake Swihart too.

-Chorizy-E

Growing up, my mother had direct access to golden box seats along the 3rd baseline at Comiskey Park. It enabled Chorizy-E, Beefloaf, and myself to attend many Sox games. We even got to see Jordan take BP with the Sox back in the day. Eventually Comiskey was demolished, and “New Comiskey” was built, but those Golden Box seats remained, just without the sweet yellow rails. 4th row behind the Sox dugout was still there for us.

Where I am going with this, is one of my fondest baseball memories. It was Spring of 91, our 7th grade year, and our impressionable middle school minds were about to be blown. Coming home that day from school, I knew I had one thing for homework, study for a Social Studies test. But upon arrival at home, I was given new plans, Sox vs Orioles on a Wednesday in April. I called Chorizy and Beefloaf, and we were set for the night. I’m not sure I need to state the obvious, but no studying was going to take place.

We showed up just before game time and just in time to see journeyman Charlie Hough trot in from the bullpen. It’s true that time waxes nostalgic, because I remember Hough being only 71 when he pitched for the Sox, but I digress. Going back to look at the box score, there are some O’s that I completely forgot about. Joe Orsulak was in left, and Dwight Evans and his sweet stance were in right. Brady Anderson had yet to start “swinging early” like Joey Bats, so his power wasn’t there. The Sox would lose 5-1, but that’s not the part we all remember fondly.

There were four college kids sitting directly behind us. They were definitely drunk, and definitely 108 material. I’d like to walk you through the greatness that was April 24, 1991.

The Sox take the field, which prompts one member of the group to exclaim, Fuck Tim Raines, he’s making $100 million dollars for nothing. That didn’t seem right, but we believed them. SN, he made about $14.5M. At that moment, Raines was the most overpaid athlete in all of sports.

Same inning, Anderson is on first, and the spry Hough shows us 3 different pickoff moves. Each move slower than the previous. I remember saying how could anyone get picked off by this old fuck? Well, throw #4 catches Anderson leaning, and we see a P-1B-2B CS. That may have been Hough’s only pickoff ever.

3rd Inning, and the college guys are more lubricated, and the 3rd one in is upset that the Orioles had just taken a 2-0 lead on a Joe Orsulak double. He exclaims that he needs outfielders with balls. In fact, he wants to buy himself a Ball State sweatshirt just so everyone knows that he has balls. Because of this, I owned a Ball State hoodie in college. I did not attend Ball State.

4th inning, and the O’s tack on 2 more. Hough is replaced by something called a Wayne Edwards. The college guys comment that Hough possibly died and that was why he was replaced. It seemed like a legitimate call, and we all believed them until we saw Hough pitch for the Marlin. Sure he pitched for the Sox again that year and next, but we just assumed it was a hologram like Tupac.

7th inning, the three of us were introduced to the gold standard, the four guys behind us made a beer run and came back with 4 apiece for the last 1/3rd of the game. (Thanks to mom for remembering this.) One member of the group behind us proceeds to tell the Pirate joke that has always stayed with us. Here it is in its entirety:

A new crewman comes aboard a pirate ship, and the captain shows up with a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a patch over one eye. The captain warns the new crewman of the dangers of being a pirate. The newbie asks the captain how he lost his leg. The captain replies ” argh, I was fighting a shark, and it bit my leg off before I could kill it.” The crewman then asks how he lost his hand, the captain replied “yargh, fishing line wrapped around my wrist and cut off my hand.” Jesus the crewman thought, well how did you lose your eye? The captain responded with “a bird shit in it.” The crewman said, bird shit wouldn’t take out your eye. The captain replies ” yarrrrrgh, it be the first day I had me hook.”

On the surface, an OK joke, but for all of us, it was comedic gold. So much so, that over 25 years later, I remember it all.

The Sox eventually scored a run in the ninth and the group behind us celebrated like it was the Pods walk off, but that was all the scoring that would happen. I looked back at the box score to see that it was none other than our fearless leader Robin Ventura who had the RBI. It also came to my attention that Donn Pall pitched the 9th. I’m sure he celebrated his scoreless 9th with some blow somewhere in the Bridgeport area.

The next day, we went back to our day job of school so we could take that SS test. Fun fact, both Beefloaf and I failed the test. Our teacher asked me if I had even studied, I replied with “No, but do you want to hear a great pirate joke?”

– Polish with Extra Onions

Good day fam, it’s your buddy BeefLoaf and we have a fun offer from the 108.  A good chunk of the 108ers are willing to gamble on just about anything, I kid you not, myself, Chorizy-E and Biguns will literally gamble on ANYTHING!  Stop by the 108 with a proposition and we’ll figure out a price to gamble on it.  You are probably asking, so what?  Who gives a fk?  What does this have to do with me??  Well, the 108 is putting together a pseudo gambling opportunity for you.  We are running a Fantasy Baseball League that you can be involved in…..with prizes and more importantly consequences

 The winners (if those people are non-108ers) will receive some of the following prizes………….

 – An entire game in 2018 in which you and a friend will have their entire drink tab picked up by the 108 (vendor drinks only, we’re not sneaking in a case of Zima for you)

OR

– sundry items created by the 108 (think t-shirts, as we have already created a couple of designs with more fun stuff to come this summer).

 I know, this sounds great, it sounds like taking candy from a baby, but guess what, the 108ers will be actively battling you and here are your consequences for NOT being one of the winners

– Put up the 108 logo as your twitter picture for an entire month

OR

– Do a 30 second facebook live video about how much you love the 108ers

In addition, we will talk monster shit about your awful team on social media from beginning to end of the season (even if you win this could happen)

Now if someone from the 108 finishes last, they will have to sport a mustache for a full week.

If someone from the 108 wins, the other 108ers have to buy $100 worth of churros for the section.

We’ll have room for approx 5 people to come play in this league and battle against myself, Chorizy-E, MySoxSummer and also 108 special guest SlimMick.

 We also added a known non-108er and that is fellow WhiteSox blogger DJT.

 In order to get an invite for the league, please DM us on twitter and give us a reason why we should choose you over others that might be interested.  

 The league is AL-Only, Head to Head, with playoffs……………..we’ll also have side bets and special things during the year to enhance the experience.  Only one rule, everyone in the league must have at least 1 White Sox on their roster at all times.  So get those fingers DMing us on twitter (sounds dirty) and let us know why you want to be in the league.

Good day fam, it’s your pal BeefLoaf.  This is the time of year in which White Sox baseball is usually quiet on all fronts.  With Sox Fest behind us and minutes from Pitchers and Catchers, I figured I would bring you an unconventional 5.  A few days ago, I was interacting with some of White Sox Twitter and a few folks were aghast that “The Naked Gun” was being shown on MLB Network.  They asked “Is this really a baseball movie?”.  I answered, emphatically “YES” but I guess my definition varies from that of others, so I bring you, the 5 Baseball Movies that aren’t really Baseball Movies.

5. The Fan – I can’t blame you if you haven’t seen this movie, it’s pretty awful.  But if you are interested in seeing Robert DeNiro play a really crazy guy, like much crazier than Travis Bickle, then you should check him out as Gil Renard.  When he reunites with his former little league catcher it is a real HOME RUN.  Also, “Bobby,…Do you care now Bobby?”

4. The Naked Gun – This is the movie that sparked the topic and features humor in the same vain as “Airplane”.  “The Naked Gun” also features O.J. Simpson back when he was a nice, respectable white guy.  Leslie Nielsen is the star, with Priscilla Presley as his love interest (fellas, she still has her fastball in this film) and mucho cameos throughout.  It is a mystery to me why Reggie Jackson isn’t still in jail for trying to kill the Queen.

3. The Untouchables – The most famous movie on the list has only one basebally scene.  It’s when Al Capone has all of his lieutenants around and gives a famous speech about his love for baseball and team play.  Then he proceeds to bash in the head of one of his people.  On balance the movie is fantastic.  Kevin Costner (who is in most baseball movies) has top billing, but for me, Sean Connery and Andy Garcia steal the show.

2. My Blue Heaven – It stars Steve Martin, so obviously it’s great!  Anyway, this movie has baseball in and around and through it, from Barney Coopersmith (Rick Moranis) being cuckold by Wally Bunting, a fictional (and failing) San Diego Padres relief pitcher to Vincent Antonelli aka Todd Wilkinson (Steve Martin) hiding his extortion ring by using the funds to build a new little league baseball field for the children of Fryburg.  In the scene with Coopersmith and Bunting (whom Coopersmith’s wife is supposedly seeing professionally as a mental health care professional), Coopersmith tells him “Relief pitching, it’s a high risk occupation, anyone could give up a 7 run lead.” to which Bunting replies “8”.  Sounds to me like he might have been part of the White Sox bullpen that pitched at Kaufman on May 28th 2016.  This movie answers the question, “How many hotdogs do you want?” once and for all.

1. Life – If you haven’t already seen this star studded Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence comedy, do yourself a favor and catch it, but catch it with the cursing, without the cursing some of the jokes don’t get there.  The quest for getting “Can’t Get Right”, yes, you read that correctly, that is a persons name, a contract with the Pittsburgh Crawfords of the Negro League to secure pardons from their life sentences is a major theme in the movie.