Odd Job – Professional Suite Filler

Hello Everybody! It’s your pal MySoxSummer and I wanna be a Professional Suite Filler.  Do you know what that is?  I am guessing no.  Does it even exist?  I fucking hope so!  I am gonna write a whole blog about my qualifications and my thoughts on why I would make the best rent-a-friend eva.  So let’s break it down.

 

How I Got The Idea

If you pay attention to our twitter (@fromthe108), you might have noticed that I was in a killer suite when the AZ DBacks were playing our sisters to the north.  Nope, I haven’t jumped ship, my wife’s cousin is a professional funny guy – T.J. McFarland – who happens to throw baseballs really good for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

USP MLB: SAN DIEGO PADRES AT ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS S BBN ARI SD USA AZ

Quick History Lesson – I was living in AZ when the DBacks beat the Yanks to win the 2001 World Series.  I worked for Alice Cooper’sTown which is a badass BBQ / Comfort Food joint right up the street from Chase Field, and across the street from United Airlines Arena.  I met a bunch of athletes during my days there, drank a ton of free beer, ate really good free food and even watched “Mr. Belding” a.k.a. Dennis Haskins do body shots off a young lady during a fundraiser for Alice’s charity. I have more stories that I would love to share, maybe someday I will write that blog.  Maybe off season.  We’ll see.

mr-belding

So anyways, I am in a the best suite in Wrigley.  No shit.  Directly behind home.  Our suite neighbor to the left was none other than the architect of the rebuild, Theo Epstein.  It was pretty boss.  Our host was a great guy, who remembered everyone’s name and what they were drinking.  He ordered multiple things to eat, drink and when that desert cart came around, goddamn.  Bailey shots in chocolate cups.  Wonderful.

Staples-Center-008

If you don’t remember the game on Thursday, there were several rain delays and I can’t even tell you how sweet it was to not have to move out of the rain, or even give a fuck if the game was gonna start again cause you are eating your face off and drinking tons of free Heiniken.  The starting pitchers were Q vs Grenkie, so i was expecting an epic pitch off, but those rain delays really killed the momentum.  So I just enjoyed my wife’s extended family and had a great time.

Now, as you might or might now know, I have a young daughter, Little Miss Shortstop.  My wife’s birthday was the following day, so I let her stay for the game and I left about 6.  Big thanks to my SIL Shannon for watching my daughter for about 8 hours.  She rules.  So as I walked home, drunk and full of life, I decided that my dream job would be a professional suite filler.

During the course of our conversations, the suite host told me how hard it was in previous years to get the suite filled.  Amazing. I thought Cubs fans were the best?  I can only imagine how hard some of these guys on the southside must be working to fill theirs.  So that is where I come in.  I can be that filler.  Why me?  Glad you asked.

My Qualifications

Reason # 1 – I drink beer.  Alot of beer.  At first look you are thinking, uh, that doesn’t sound like a good thing.  On Thursday, I knew the crowd was a bigger fan of domestics and hard booze. I scanned that fridge upon entry, we were a little late, and there was more Heiniken than any other beer.  So that was the beer I drank.  And no one drank that beer.  If I was on the southside, and no one wanted the Budweiser, I would drink that.  Yes, I would take one for the team.  I also have a decent amount of knowledge on craft beer. I can explain most beers.  It’s a skill.

Reason #2 – I don’t eat much.  While I am a huge fat guy, most of my extra lbs come from massive amounts of beer consumption. I eat minimal food, unless there is a plentiful amount.  I do not wanna be the fat guy that everyone looks at and says that is why we have no food left.  Not gonna happen.

dodgeball

Reason #3 – I kinda know a little about baseball.  I can at the very least nod my head in agreement when I have 0 fucking idea who you are talking about.  Ask the fellas, hell they might not even know that I am pulling a Swingers style move when they talk about draft picks or our recent pick ups.

xjD1Gor1-720x405

Reason #4 – I have tons of stories that fall into the PG-13 and R category.  Yep, just gonna say that.  Some involve famous folks, some are from college, some are from my 10 years out west.  Wanna know more? Invite me to your suite.

Reason #5 – I don’t look like I CAN’T fight.  If we get in a pinch and we need some muscle, I at least look the part.  Get to talking to me, I am not that guy, but my looks and size scare away potential troublemakers.

funny_weird_and_640_161

 

So there you have it! I feel like I could really excel in this line of work.  So do you know any guys that have a suite?  Send them my way – @mysoxsummer is my Twitter.  Or hell even email me at mysoxsummer@gmail.com.  If last night was any indication of the year to come, you are gonna need me to fill your suite!

-MSS

This week is the week folks!  Wanna meet and party with us?  Then show up Friday or Saturday for 2 108 special events! (Truth be told, there is a pretty good chance you can get drunk with us on Monday or Tuesday, just won’t be an official event)

Badergate At The Park – Elvis Night! 

Date: August 25th

Location : TBD (But usually Lot E)

Time: 4pm

What: Free Baderbrau beer.  Free Baderbrau food.  Free swag from the 108 boys. Do you need any other reasons to come get drunk on Friday night?  Be there or be square.

Fill The 108 Night! MSS Turns 40! Star Wars Night 

Date: August 26th

Location : Section 108 / $20 Tickets

Time: 6pm

What: My Sox Summer is turning 40 on Aug 20th, but we won’t celebrate till the 26th.  We have 30 plus tickets bought already for our friends and family, let’s buy even more.  MSS would suggest you get them at the box office to save on fees and get there early to get the bobblehead.  If you don’t want that bobblehead give it to MSS.  Ha.  We promise to be drunk AF and we will go live a few times.  Have fun in a full 108! We might have to get an extra Modelo vendor that night to handle all the requests.

Avi Garcia – Trade, Extend or Nothing….

20170406_135721

In the 15 months or so that we have been writing in this space, I think we have probably written about Avi Garcia too much.  Whether it be to talk about WHY the White Sox continue to give him chances, or to make fun of him for sneaking under 260 lbs as a playing weight.  The 108ers are intrigued by Avisail Garcia.  The other night, I ran a Twitter poll of our followers and there isn’t a general consensus on what the White Sox should do with Avi Garcia

Screen Shot 2017-06-27 at 10.09.44 AM

So, I figured, as any blogger with a mediocre offering might do, I would breakdown the potential actions….

 108

TRADE

 -1

The whole thought that Avi could be traded was kicked off via a rumor, of course, it was a Cafardo, so it is likely to have no basis in reality.  I remember when Sam Smith used to write for the Bulls and he would make up trade scenarios, at least he wrote them in a way in which, you knew he was just making something up and it was fun.  Nowadays these fucking guys make up shit and then blasted it out there like it is reality.  It’s a bunch of BS.  Anywho, so, Cafardo noted that the Cardinals were looking at Garcia and a few other power hitting RF’s.  I looked up and down the rest of the playoff contenders and pretenders and truthfully didn’t see much in the way of a team that really needs a RF.  The only other team that looked appetizing to me, were the Mets, but not for this year, they’ll start clearing off the Granderson and Bruce contracts at the end of the year, they could probably use a young controllable (at least for 2 years) RF to help out in their competitive window.  Besides those two teams, you got me.

Truthfully though, I don’t need to find a suitor, if Avi is to be traded, someone will emerge. I am just in need of finding a prospective value back in trade.  Avi is tough to compare given that he’s had 3 pretty blech seasons and now 3 pretty excellent months.  He’s still not walking a lot, but the “walking a lot” folks need to go fuck off, you can be a plenty valuable player with power and high contact rate.  The two most comparable trades from last deadline are the Mets trading for Bruce and the Rangers trading for Beltran.  The Bruce deal netted the Reds Dilson Herrera who was a top 10 prospect in the Mets system, but graduated from his prospect status and a lottery ticket.  The Beltran deal, which required the Yanks to toss some cash in the nap sack that went along with Carlos to Texas included a top 5 prospect in the Rangers system (Dillon Tate) and top 100 overall and two lesser prospects that were top 10 round picks in the 2014 amateur draft.

In other words, it isn’t likely that an Avisail Garcia trade ends up with much star power included in it.  It is possible that his control with 2 arb years remaining would boost the haul, but it is likely you would just be adding more assets and setting the clock back on those assets.  It is doubtful you line up something with as much promise as say, I dunno, 2013 Avisail Garcia.  If trade is the answer, it may be a signal that the competitive window is a little further away (say, starting in 2020) and that the White Sox need more assets that start arriving then.

EXTEND

 maxresdefault

This is a tough one, as Garcia has 2 arb years left.  For the 2017 season he netted a 1 yr $3M deal before going to arbitration.  Truthfully, he was pretty terrible heading into his 1st arbitration year and still got $3M.  Arbitration is pretty kind to giving raises if someone could, oh, I dunno, put up a .900 OPS season.  You might expect Avi to pick up a $3M to $4M raise in 2018 and a similar one in 2019.  Which would put Avi’s salaries at say $7M in 2018 and $11M in 2019, the White Sox would need to buy those out and then buy out some portion of free agency.

I think the closest thing to Avi in estimated value might be someone like Mark Trumbo who got 3 yrs 37.5M.  Truthfully, if you think Avi is actually this Avi, he’s much better than Mark Trumbo, so maybe Ian Desmond‘s 5yrs $70M is closer to accurate.  Let’s assume if you extend Avi (and the extension would have to occur around now or at least before he puts in an entire season of being a 3 to 4 win player) that the extension would be for 5 yrs and $75M (buying out arb years 2018 & 2019) and then signing him through  2022 (his age 31 season).  Avi might feel some loyalty towards the White Sox and get something like this done.  Or, he might realize that he goes to free agency at 28 and could make more money than this when he does.

NOTHING

 hahns_on_moncada_05-09_640x360_940018243516

This is the best action in my opinion.  I don’t think the market yet believes in the new Avi, making trades tougher and I think it is pretty cost prohibitive to the future competing White Sox teams to possibly fuck up this extension.  I think you let Avi play this out and then in 2018 you re-evaluate.  Maybe he finds his level as a 2 WAR RF and then you decide that he’ll be cheap enough to extend or a valuable enough commodity to trade for a real chip.  With the current expiring assets on the roster, I think Rick Hahn has his hands full trying to unload everything that isn’t nailed down for something of future value.

 

– BeefLoaf

The 5 – Mark Buehrle’s Best Moments

On Saturday, June 24th, the Chicago White Sox will retire #56. Rightly so.  The guy was balls out awesome with the Sox, and always got you out of there early with his no nonsense approach to tossing the hardball.  The catcher called the pitch, he threw the pitch.  Simple.  Didn’t overthink it, just threw the ball.  He didn’t get you on speed, he got you because he was a master at placing the ball where he wanted it.  He was our Maddux on the southside, another guy who pitched forever because his style gave him the chance.  Will he make the HOF?  Up for debate, but his win total might keep him out.

Here are my, MSS, best Buehrle moments.

5 – April 5th, 2010 – The Buehrle Backhand.

Goddamn son.

4 – May 5th, 2010 – Balk City Buehrle

A move so good, even big fat dummy Joe West doesn’t get it. Apparently he and Hawk are friends now, they weren’t in this clip.  Mild mannered Mark even got heated.

3 – Big Truck Mark.

http://deadspin.com/5263393/mark-buehrles-truck-will-cause-ice-caps-to-melt

 

2- 4/18/2007 – A No-No.

This was awesome, then this happened…..

1- 7/23/2009 – Perfection.

Just complete insanity.  I was living in Cali at the time, and rushed home to watch the end of the game on my gigantic tube television.  This thing was insane.   I left it behind when I moved cause I didn’t want to ever lift it again.  But anyways, I watched the end of that game on my blue leather couch in Huntington Beach, CA.  That will always be a favorite game and memory of mine.  Maybe not so much my neighbor who must have been tired of hearing me yell at the Sox and Illini, inside the house, outside the house whilst having a heater, upstairs, downstairs, you get the idea.  I called my dad and we talked about how Wise was gonna get a nice gift (which he did, a watch) and how great it was to see a guy like Mark toss that game.

But then we saw Phillip Humber toss one in 2012, and realized it is just as much luck as it is skill.  Ozzie always said he’d rather be lucky than good, hard to disagree with that.

So there are my top 5 moments.  Will be great to see him home again on Saturday.  Speaking of which, will you be there?  Oh, dang, the game is sold out.  But guess what?  The enterprising folks from the 108 have 2 (TWO) extra tickets to giveaway to our fans for free, kinda.  As you know, we opened a store.  You can see what we sell here – http://fromthe108.bigcartel.com/ . Check it out, buy something.  And if you buy 2 items from us from 6/19 till 6/22 at 11pm, you will be entered into the drawing to win the two tickets.  The best part, they are in the 108, our section!  Now, because we aren’t dicks, people that have bought 2 items from us already are entered into the contest too. You count too! But if you wanna buy 2 more items, we’ll even give you an extra entry.  Cheaper than scalping tix, and you get a sweet merch from our blog! Only negative, it is 2 tickets that are not right next to each other, but you will get your pin, watch the number be retired, and in about the 5th you can move down to us and get HAMMERED.

If you have any questions, email us at fromthe108@gmail.com or tweet at us @fromthe108.

-MSS

The 108 Learning Annex – Bathroom Etiquette at the Ballpark.

Even though we don’t wanna do this, we feel like the hot mess that took place on April 22nd, 2017 has deemed it necessary that we go over this.  Usually this takes place on Opening Day, but a 32k crowd on that “Sweatshirt Saturday” blew it out of the water. Some of y’all have NO FUCKING IDEA ON HOW TO USE THE RESTROOMS AT G-RATE. NO IDEA. NOT A CLUE.

Let’s take a look at the diagram –

bathroom_diagram

So most of you know to enter in the A area.  Some of you go backdoor and hit the C area, which I understand, but you are still a cunt when you do so.  So much so that I won’t tuck my wide shoulders when going out the exit in hopes that I give you a stinger. So you go in A.  Now, if you gotta shit (and I will say that in hundreds of games that I have attended I have done it twice) you can stay in the A area, but move to the side so other guys can get past. If you are using the stall to piss, you gotta reevaluate your life, for reals.  The last thing anyone is looking at is your dick size at the ballpark.  If you have a kid and are using the stall, hey, thank you for bringing the ‘yutes to the game. One time I saw a guy drinking a beer, taking a piss with his kid in a baby carrier. It was amazing.

longwait

When you enter the bathroom, and you just have to piss, walk right by the people in the A area, and head to the B area.  Simple right? You’d think. Why do this you ask? This will prevent a big bunch of people blocking the entrance while ONE FUCKING GUY is just sitting there waiting for the next open urinal.  Right now, huge lines ensue just so “First In Line” Fred can get his pisser before anyone else does. We in the 108 LOSE OUR FUCKING MINDS when this happens.  But how can it be avoided?  Oh, we’d thought you’d never ask!

longwait2

Now, here is where it get’s tricky. We all like to gamble right?  Well, now is the time (as Slumpbuster put it) to “pick your horse”.  You line up behind a guy taking a piss, so there is no bunching in area A, which allows for people to get access to the next open urinal.   Now, several things can happen. Your “horse” might win before the guy who might have gotten in line before you. It is your urinal, you won, piss away. But you can do the, “Go ahead” movement if you wanna be a nice guy.  But ultimately, it is yours to use. Just following this little suggestion, will make things go so much smoother, and Chorizy – E won’t wanna kill you.

longwait

I know all you guys are all about being “fair”, well except you cunts that go in the exit and think it’s hilarious. But honestly, this first come, next served bullshit has to end.  When there are less people in the bathroom, I stay in an “area” of a few urinals. If a guy who was waiting longer than me picked a bad horse (depending on how bad I gotta piss) I usually will offer up my spot to that guy.  I try to be fair, but sometimes, especially when the bathrooms are full, you gotta make a decision and deal with it. It sucks, but it’s the best we can do.  This one guy waiting for the next available one has gotta end.  I am gonna have a fucking aneurysm the next time I get in line only to find out we are waiting for “Next In Line” Ned to get his properly deserved urinal.

longwait2

Now, you don’t have to be right on the guy taking a piss, give him some space and don’t rush the guy.  Usually I am pretty drunk, so I don’t give a fuck how close you are, but some guys that might give them stage fright.  What actually will give most guys stage fright is when you don’t leave a one urinal buffer in an empty bathroom.  I know we are a group orientated type of society, don’t like to be alone, but one spot, is public bathrooms.  Stay the fuck away.

longwait

I am sure I have pissed off a bunch of people, but IDGAF. This madness needs to end.  Seriously.  I am tired of waiting in lines so one person can be treated fairly.  We are in a  group situation and what works best for the group, not than the individual, should rule. So when you see a guy walk by you, cause you are living in “It’s My Turn” Ted’s dumb world, waiting in the A area, don’t freak out, but rather follow him to the future.  We in the 108 will be there, and we’ll have fancy future beer. Wanna join us?

 

-MSS

 

Big thanks to all the 108’ers that came out last night to support my first lofty and slow pitch.  Miguel Gonzalez called it an ultra slow change-up, awesome guy by the way. It was a wonderful experience that I am very appreciative of.  Having my wife, daughter and all you jagaloons there meant more to me than you will even know.  The shit talking after the pitch was pretty light, I think because I was holding my daughter.  I am sure it will continue tonight.  Extra special thanks to Mike from the Sox (an avid 108 reader) for his hospitality. Can’t wait to do it again.

 

And then this –

sale_spread

So our new t-shirt idea is available in our BRAND NEW SPANKING STORE! In this store you can get our brand spanking new “Jersey Demolition” shirt and OG 108 Trucker cap that all the fellas wear. Available also is our original OG 108 shirt (Chicago colorway, black and white) in limited numbers.  In very limited numbers we have the 2016 Hot Stove Champions shirt.  The money we get from these shirts goes to fund more funny t-shirt ideas.  If there is money left after that, we promise to drink it away.  

So visit our store here – http://fromthe108.bigcartel.com/

Take a quick look at our merch and buy something!  Please and thank you!

 

Why I’m wearing my Sox jersey tonight and you should too.

5_cans
Beer. It’s what’s for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. And snacks.

The time has come my friends, tonight we all lose.  Either the Indians (a hated division rival) break a multiple decade streak, or those damn northsiders will finally have something to celebrate other than their perfect attendance.  Sorry Sox fans, unlike the 1985 Bears championship, our total dominance in 2005 will soon be forgotten (and one can make a case that it already has) by the lazy media and half the city of Chicago.  Don’t fret though, 11-1 is always gonna be in the record books, baseball fans will never forget and us Sox fans will carry that torch till we win it again.  So tonight wear your Sox jersey proud as it might be the last time we can celebrate that magical season without hearing a northsider him and haw about how they have 3 rings now too!  And how they did it in dramatic fashion.

Which, as a side note if it does happen that way, is nothing to be proud of.  Facing the brink of elimination to make your guys give you the best they have isn’t the sign of a great team.  Wining the World Series in any amount of games is a great accomplishment, don’t get me wrong, but if it happens tonight Cubs fans, doing it in 7 after being down 3-1 doesn’t make it any more magical.

Tonight should be a wake up call to the Sox organization. Since 2005, 5 AL Central teams have been in the World Series.  Hell, if you just look at recent history, 2012 till 2016 4 out of the 5 AL teams have been from the AL Central. That alone should make us want to compete, which it looks form the casual observer that we are, but we all know the deal.  Seems like when we do spend money, it’s on guys who we shouldn’t have.  And the guys who we should spend money on, we don’t.  Its just odd that we will take a risk on James Shields (Dunn, LaRoche), but won’t put out the scratch to get a big name free agent.

This team has no identity, between our two big stars, one has hissy fits and acts like a child, the other can’t speak english. Nothing wrong with that mind you, but there is no leader.  We haven’t had a leader since AJ left, and if you don’t believe that, look at our defense in 2013.  Best in all of baseball in 2012, 2013 we just sucked. So we need to get someone to sack up and lead this team.  Will it happen?  Not sure there is anyone here that can do that.  I had hopes for Eaton, or Frazier, but they came into a situation with Sale and Abreu being the guys that should be the leaders and I am sure that is awkward.  Plus, seeing how many people that have been blocked by Frazier on Twitter, not sure how that guy could lead anyways.  I would tweet him about it, but yup you guessed it, offering to buy him a drink when he first signed with the team got me blocked.  No biggie.

Our organization doesn’t have the stones to do a complete rebuild, and from listening to some of the fans, I am not sure that the reason is valid.  I’ve heard from several people that the Sox couldn’t afford to do it as the remaining fans would just check out. Which, 1- I don’t know how it could get worse and 2 – Us true fans would rather being watching L’s with  youngsters trying to get better other than the older guys.  It feel like the Sox have been half in and half out on everything and that just doesn’t work.  Cubs looked like shit for years, but it paid off.  Would it go that way for us too?  Don’t know.  I doubt it, but we can try?  What we are doing now isn’t working either, so let’s develop some talent and get some of these guys that are good to some better teams so they have a shot to win one.

Alot of our moves for new guys seem rather stale, shit we’ve seen before.  Is it time to shake up the front office? Develop some new ideas? Have a new plan of attack?  HELL YES, HELL YES, HELL YES. I like loyalty, I live my life by it, I trust people based on it, but you have to have results, which we just don’t get.  So why are we loyal to people that aren’t getting the job done?  That’s fucking wrong.

I hope tonight while we watch a team that is a division rival or a created rival due to proximity (and jackwagon fans), win a title that we should have contended for, someone on 35th and Shields decides that enough is enough.  That .500 isn’t good enough.  That we’ll catch up with the rest of the AL Central. That we’ll make the moves to win another one.  That our loyal fanbase deserves better.  That just showing up doesn’t cut it any longer.  That they won’t accept losing anymore.

tequilashot

So while the world is watching another curse or streak get broken, take some time and don your Sox jersey and remember that moment in 2005 when we were on top.  That night we SWEPT the World Series. It really doesn’t seem that long ago, but watching other teams just pass us by without a fight from our organization is hard, really hard.  We’ll get there again Sox fans, believe me.  Have a Lite and a smile.

-MSS

@mysoxsummer

Follow us on Facebook!  Click here!

Follow us on Twitter! Click here!

Also, here is some original art for you to post all over FB.  Or Twitter.  Or Snapchat, whatever the fuck that is.  IG too!

follow_us_fromthe108

The Playoffs. Yep, it’s gonna suck.

14264884_10207990698938528_5690086611444138651_n

Yeah.  I know.  But I posted this to make a point.  This started floating around last year and it angered me a little, almost wrote a blog about it then, but I got drunk and said fuck it.  But this year, oh it’s on.

Why do I hate this?  Mostly because it states that if you are from Illinois you should be a Cubs fan.  May I be the first to say FUCK THAT.  2 teams in this city, 2 sets of die hard fans. Also calling a fan an asshole because they refuse to flip flop is just a dumb move.  You ride and die with your team folks, if some dumb meme will make you change sides, you suck balls. I think flip flopping or being all wishy washy – “I just like Chicago baseball!” – should be saved for just the out-of-towners living in this majestic place we call home.  I’d call you an asshole for being a turncoat. I’d call you an asshole for all sorts of shit to be honest, but in this case if you aren’t true to your team, you are the asshole, asshole.

ar-141218714
7 years old and already sick of this guys mouth.

In 2005 I didn’t want any Cubs fans cheering for my Sox, I couldn’t have given two fucks less if you were from Chicago and not cheering for them. I would respect you less if you were a Cubs fan and were riding the Sox bandwagon. Does this reek of insecurity?  Of course it does, at least for the guy making the meme.  I don’t think all Cubs fans believe this, just some of the jackwagons that I am friends with on FB.  Ha.  You got a great team, you have a huge fan base, enjoy!  You don’t need all the fans.  I know it will piss people off when I say that I am not pulling for the Cubbies, but yeah, ew.

wrigley-sign

I wasn’t rooting for them in ’03 or ’15, but I wasn’t rooting against them.  I got friends and family that deserve to see their team win the WS.  But I am not buying any gear to cheer them on or posting sweet memes on FB cheering those guys on.  You can do that with the Bears and the Bulls, and clearly you can do that with the Blackhawks (they maybe had 7 fans before Kane and Toews got signed). But you cannot do that with the Cubs and Sox. It forces you to make a decision and stick with it.  Some would say that I was cursed being born to a proud Sox fan, but I saw my team win.  I saw my team win in magnificent fashion.  I’ll take it.  I’ve never followed the herd and there isn’t a herd on the southside according to our attendance.

Here are some things I know you will see in the next few weeks-

You’ll see a lot of “true fans” which is always fun.  Hell, they might be.  They might be there for the party.  But who are we to judge?  My good friends that are Cubs fans deserve this as much a I did in 2005.  They also understand that they need to win the games. It’s not a given they just win.  I never thought for a minute that the Sox would have had the success they did in 2005, especially in the Playoffs.  And I guess that is what gets under my skin a little. It is a long road still, it’s not a given they will get out of the first round yet alone win the series.

chicago-cubs-world-series-champions-tattoo
Holy fuck.  King of the Assholes everyone!

There is gonna be a shit ton of people talking baseball that have no idea how baseball works.  If you already are a Cubs fan, you should be used to this. Oddly this is not limited to just girls.  I plan on staying as far away from the northside as possible. Hell, I have a concert at the Metro with the boys on Dec 16th (Helmet and Local H) and that might be cutting it too close if the boys in blue make it happen.  Ugh, I don’t even wanna think about that.

EP-706209775

Lotta shit talking on the White Sox.  Hell, that has already started.  Some is deserved, but goddamn, most of us Sox fans have to agree that the product that has been passed off as baseball on the southside since 2013 is god awful.  News flash, unlike some Cubs fans who have a direct line to Theo, just because I am a Sox fans doesn’t mean I agree with the path this team has decided to go. I like the departure of Robin. I would love a total rebuild, even firing a few top level guys (KENNY), but as I will tell anyone that will listen I have 0 faith in our front office to get what our big guys are worth on the open market. But I am part of the problem, I continue to throw money at this organization to watch shitty baseball. So in short, Cubs fans, zip it. You have shit to be happy about, you don’t need to talk down the southsiders to make yourselves feel any better.  Well, maybe if you lose you can do that. Sox fans zip it too.  This Cubs team is pretty good.  If they had on black instead of blue I’d take it.  Great players that bought into the team.  We can respect that.  But fuck asshole Cub fans. No respect given.

0632048001432107052_filepicker

Every media outlet will forget about 2005.  Much like Rudy Giuliani forgot that 9/11 happened BEFORE Obama took office, most media outlets will forget the complete dominance that was on display for the entire county during the 2005 MLB Playoffs.  And also like Rudy Giuliani, most media outlets will be sucking the Cubs balls like Rudy does for Trump.  We as Sox fans are used to that, but it will be even worse now that the Sox have played themselves into oblivion.

ditkaandmaddon
Ditka. So gross. So gross.

Joe Maddon will be the next Mike Ditka. I like Joe, I think he is a great person to have running your team.  Especially if you have a great team.  He seems to develop young talent like a mofo.  The Cubs have had some great personalities running their squads, Dusty Baker and Lou Piniella come to mind, but Joe will be the one they remember if they win this thing.  I just hope that he doesn’t go all conservative and and ask waitresses “Can I eat your pussy?” later in life, cause that’s not a good look coach.

woowoo
Impressed that shirt has held up since 1908.

Everyone you fucking know will be the biggest fucking Cubs fan all playoffs. Yep, they will. “Oh I can’t do that, it’s 6 hours before the game.” There will be Cubs gear everywhere.  Every-fucking-thing will be Cubs branded. If any of your Cubs friends get’s a dog, no doubt it will be named Wrigley, or Rizzo or Bryant. But not Schwarber, that’s fucking weird.

So Sox fans, I suggest stocking up on High Life, Lite, Anti-Hero or your booze of choice for the playoffs.  You know the boys in the 108 will be drinking, so you won’t be drinking alone, ever. Take comfort that no matter what happens, your good friends Beefloaf, Chorizy-E, BigUns, Slumpbuster and My Sox Summer will be back in the 108 next April talking about random stuff and plowing through $8.75 beers like they cost a dollar. Hopefully watching a young team on a mission to rebuild, not some quick fix bullshit.  You hear that Kenny and Rick?  Help us out brahs. As always, Go Sox.

-MSS

Conspiracy Theory: BBQ Chicken Pizza

KK_11_1208_FNM_043.tif
Not pizza. Not even close. Insulting to other pizza.

Let me start by saying, I love that the Sox booted Digiorno and brought in Beggars.  I went to about 35 games last year and had about 70 slices of Beggars.  However, one of the items added to the food at the Cell this year is BBQ Chicken Pizza.  And much like Public Enemy told us years ago, Don’t Believe the Hype.  Now, I’m sure plenty of you enjoy this food, but I’ve got a lot of problems with BBQ Chicken Pizza and now you’re gonna hear em.

Not Pizza

Main ingredients: Dough, BBQ sauce, Chicken, Mozzarella Cheese.  That sounds like quite a nice sandwich you made for yourself.  What’s that?  It’s pizza? No it’s not.  I don’t care how you organize the sandwich, it’s not pizza.  You have to believe bagel pizza is a thing and cheese-less pizza is a thing if you want to believe this is pizza.  If I were to take two Vespas and put em right next to each other, it didn’t make it a car.  It’s two damn Vespas.  Laying these ingredients out in a pizza formation is just a lie and I won’t stand for it.

STP_Ingrdnts

Not Healthier

At some point, some ad-wizard convinced people that chicken was health food (no matter how it was prepared)!  Don’t believe me?  Remember KFC trying to call themselves Kitchen Fresh Chicken?  It’s not as bad as what they try with fish: I drove past Lawrence’s one day and saw a sign up that said “Get Fit, Eat More Fish.”  Holy shit, are you serious?  My cholesterol went up just reading that sign.

2769020049_34a6e0436d

But I digress.  The point is, getting this bbq chicken monstrosity is no healthier than getting pepperoni or sausage pizza, you know real pizza.  You’re not doing yourself any favors by choosing chicken.  You’re a slob like me and you’re probably gonna stop at Arby’s on your way home anyway.  I’ll see you there.

It’s blocking other pizza prospects

This is similar to the arguments I hear about steroids and Michael Jordan’s baseball career.  People who use steroids block other prospects from getting into pro baseball, Jordan was taking a spot from a kid committed to playing baseball.  I am finally on the cry-baby side of this argument and I love it.  BBQ Chicken Pizza takes a spot away from other possible delicious pizza options.  We probably all have different opinions on the varieties we would choose, but I would bet they don’t have BBQ sauce or chicken involved.

Question to the 3 people that read this

If a friend invited you over for pizza and you showed up to find BBQ Chicken Pizza, your disappointment would most likely be at the level of:

  • First time you got dumped?
  • Found out there was no Santa Claus?
  • Watched Big Frank hit his 500th HR in a different jersey?

-Chorizy-E

12479139_160663777649618_222278648_n