Even though we don’t wanna do this, we feel like the hot mess that took place on April 22nd, 2017 has deemed it necessary that we go over this.  Usually this takes place on Opening Day, but a 32k crowd on that “Sweatshirt Saturday” blew it out of the water. Some of y’all have NO FUCKING IDEA ON HOW TO USE THE RESTROOMS AT G-RATE. NO IDEA. NOT A CLUE.

Let’s take a look at the diagram –

So most of you know to enter in the A area.  Some of you go backdoor and hit the C area, which I understand, but you are still a cunt when you do so.  So much so that I won’t tuck my wide shoulders when going out the exit in hopes that I give you a stinger. So you go in A.  Now, if you gotta shit (and I will say that in hundreds of games that I have attended I have done it twice) you can stay in the A area, but move to the side so other guys can get past. If you are using the stall to piss, you gotta reevaluate your life, for reals.  The last thing anyone is looking at is your dick size at the ballpark.  If you have a kid and are using the stall, hey, thank you for bringing the ‘yutes to the game. One time I saw a guy drinking a beer, taking a piss with his kid in a baby carrier. It was amazing.

When you enter the bathroom, and you just have to piss, walk right by the people in the A area, and head to the B area.  Simple right? You’d think. Why do this you ask? This will prevent a big bunch of people blocking the entrance while ONE FUCKING GUY is just sitting there waiting for the next open urinal.  Right now, huge lines ensue just so “First In Line” Fred can get his pisser before anyone else does. We in the 108 LOSE OUR FUCKING MINDS when this happens.  But how can it be avoided?  Oh, we’d thought you’d never ask!

Now, here is where it get’s tricky. We all like to gamble right?  Well, now is the time (as Slumpbuster put it) to “pick your horse”.  You line up behind a guy taking a piss, so there is no bunching in area A, which allows for people to get access to the next open urinal.   Now, several things can happen. Your “horse” might win before the guy who might have gotten in line before you. It is your urinal, you won, piss away. But you can do the, “Go ahead” movement if you wanna be a nice guy.  But ultimately, it is yours to use. Just following this little suggestion, will make things go so much smoother, and Chorizy – E won’t wanna kill you.

I know all you guys are all about being “fair”, well except you cunts that go in the exit and think it’s hilarious. But honestly, this first come, next served bullshit has to end.  When there are less people in the bathroom, I stay in an “area” of a few urinals. If a guy who was waiting longer than me picked a bad horse (depending on how bad I gotta piss) I usually will offer up my spot to that guy.  I try to be fair, but sometimes, especially when the bathrooms are full, you gotta make a decision and deal with it. It sucks, but it’s the best we can do.  This one guy waiting for the next available one has gotta end.  I am gonna have a fucking aneurysm the next time I get in line only to find out we are waiting for “Next In Line” Ned to get his properly deserved urinal.

Now, you don’t have to be right on the guy taking a piss, give him some space and don’t rush the guy.  Usually I am pretty drunk, so I don’t give a fuck how close you are, but some guys that might give them stage fright.  What actually will give most guys stage fright is when you don’t leave a one urinal buffer in an empty bathroom.  I know we are a group orientated type of society, don’t like to be alone, but one spot, is public bathrooms.  Stay the fuck away.

I am sure I have pissed off a bunch of people, but IDGAF. This madness needs to end.  Seriously.  I am tired of waiting in lines so one person can be treated fairly.  We are in a  group situation and what works best for the group, not than the individual, should rule. So when you see a guy walk by you, cause you are living in “It’s My Turn” Ted’s dumb world, waiting in the A area, don’t freak out, but rather follow him to the future.  We in the 108 will be there, and we’ll have fancy future beer. Wanna join us?

-MSS

Big thanks to all the 108’ers that came out last night to support my first lofty and slow pitch.  Miguel Gonzalez called it an ultra slow change-up, awesome guy by the way. It was a wonderful experience that I am very appreciative of.  Having my wife, daughter and all you jagaloons there meant more to me than you will even know.  The shit talking after the pitch was pretty light, I think because I was holding my daughter.  I am sure it will continue tonight.  Extra special thanks to Mike from the Sox (an avid 108 reader) for his hospitality. Can’t wait to do it again.