HomeBullshit12 Days of #108Mas: BeefLoaf turns White Christmas into Black Christmas
12 Days of #108Mas: BeefLoaf turns White Christmas into Black Christmas
December 13, 2020
Happy Holidays, it’s your old pal BeefLoaf. This is the time of year that we go back through various holiday films and reminisce about the past and the good times we’ve had with family and friends. One movie that always gets consumed in the BeefLoaf household is White Christmas, starting Bing Crosby. It’s a great little story, voiced by some very talented performers but the film was made in 1954 and there just weren’t a lot of black actors being cast in movies like this at that time. I have often wondered what it might look like if black actors were cast in these roles. Now, I’m not trying to do some shit like the Wiz, I’m just looking to drop some different talents in the exact some roles….let’s see what we come up with.
REPLACE BING CROSBY WITH USHER
Look, you and I both know we wanted Tevin Campbell to grow up into a big enough star to be in this role, shit Prince bet his entire fortune on that first record, but that shit didn’t happen, so we are left with Usher. I like Usher, but I like my replacement for Danny Kaye even better…..
REPLACE DANNY KAYE WITH WAYNE BRADY
I’ve heard that white people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X, but let’s be honest, Brady can sing and dance and do comedy, so he’s a perfect match for Danny Kaye’s role here as the funny side-kick.
REPLACE ROSEMARY CLOONEY WITH LIZZO
Look, back in 1954, Rosemary Clooney was thicc af, but fast forward 66 years later and that shit just ain’t gonna work out, so we can have to bring in a modern thicc talent and that is Lizzo. I expect Lizzo getting mad as hell
REPLACE VERA-ELLEN WITH ZENDAYA
Bonita Steakie was always a fan of KC Undercover when she was younger, which is why I even know about Zendaya, but she’s a young talent that would be great in this role.
REPLACE DEAN JAGGER WITH KEITH DAVID
I know Keith David is just a bit player in lots of film and TV, but too fucking bad, he’s a personal BeefLoaf fave in everything he does (particularly “There’s Something About Mary”). I can’t wait to see the finish he adds to the General’s role in this classic film.
Got some ideas about Black Actors that could play the roles in this movie, hit me up on Twitter, let me know what you are thinking.
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