HomeBullshitBeefLoaf vs Chorizy – 80’s Playground Basketball Challenge
BeefLoaf vs Chorizy – 80’s Playground Basketball Challenge
January 2, 2022
Nobody loves the MLB Lockout, BUT, as our friend Chris Lanuti from Sox In The Basement said on the most recent FromThe108 podcast, “Nobody is better positioned for a lockout than you guys.” He is absolutely correct, the 108ers while avid fans of the White Sox also have A LOT of content ideas that we don’t often get to because well, the entertainment of attending White Sox games in the way.
So, in a way, we are fortunate to have an MLB Lockout that basically halts the off-season and allows us to scratch these itches. One thought I have had is that it would be fun for Chorizy and I to basically draft our own pickup basketball teams and do it in a blog for all of yous.
I’m thinking like in the Wire where Prop Joe has a squad that goes against Avon and Stringer. Real pickup, playground basketball. Blacktop, street rules. I’d even say their game is a little too organized, I’d prefer a series of games to 21 by ones (or twos if you make a 3 point shot), make it, take it and call your own fouls. The game most of us cut our teeth on back in the day.
A few ground rules for this draft….
All the players selected will be considered at their full form in the 1980’s
This should avoid any goofiness like choosing prime Wilt Chamberlain or something. Chorizy or I could take Wilt, but we are getting Conan the Destroyer Wilt, not 100 points for the 76ers Wilt. Which might actually still be a good pick, I’m not sure until we get into it.
We may use fictional basketball players as long as they fit the timeline
While the film Heaven is a Playground was released in October 1991, the story is based on the 1980’s in Chicago, so if Chorizy or I want to pick Matthew Lockhart, we can do so. That may or may not end up being important depending on how this thing goes.
All Picks are FINAL
You know it’s going to happen, but Chorizy is gonna pick some bullshit. I won’t challenge it in this blog, I’ll hit twitter and have my followers body him for his poor choice.
Being the gentleman that I am…I’ll let Chorizy go first.
Chorizy #1 Pick – Marques Johnson
This might have been the easiest pick of my life. Sure, Beef might take MJ next, but Marques will beat his ass in the first 30 seconds of the game.
BeefLoaf #1 Pick – Bernard King
I love that Chorizy thought I’d take MJ. Sure Jordan was good at NBA basketball, but this is playground ball, ain’t nobody gonna go for his bullshit foul calls like NBA referees do. He can gtfo. I’m taking a real scorer. This dude was my easy 1.1, thank goodness Chorizy went with his enforcer first so I can get the best playground scorer available.
Chorizy #2 Pick – Michael Jordan
I mean, come on, I can’t leave the GOAT sitting here like he couldn’t dominate on the playground. And with Marques Johnson to beat anyone’s ass that touches him, I’m feeling great about this. Here’s MJ looking at that Bernard King pick:
BeefLoaf #2 Pick – Dennis Rodman
I knew Chorizy would trap hisself. It was bound to happen. Everyone needs a shutdown defender in a playground game. That one dude that you just put on the other team’s best guy and he shuts him the fuck down. I got the best one possible. Remember how good MJ did against the Pistons in the 80’s? LOL. My team is shaping up beautifully. I hope Rodman wears a dress during the game.
Chorizy #3 Pick – Magic Johnson
Beef thinks Rodman is gonna shut down Jordan? Ok, fine. Who’s gonna lock down my 6’9″ point guard? Magic is perfect for this type of game, he’s big as hell, he can shoot, he can drive, and he can look so damn good doing it that your whole team is gonna be on tilt.
BeefLoaf #3 Pick – Charles Oakley
I need an enforcer (well I guess Rodman kinda is one) and I needed a rebounder. I almost went Michael Cage in this spot who has the advantage of being a real sweaty guy, which is helpful in playground ball, but inevitably I went with the guy that is gonna help me most if we get into a scrap in this game. Charles Oakley is an all-time rebounder and will beat the fuck outta everyone on Chorizy’s team. So I feel great about getting him here. Now I have Oak and Rodman who can do a ton of damage without the ball. A great set up.
Chorizy #4 Pick – Arvydas Sabonis
Beef is turning this into a pretty physical game, so I gotta go to the USSR and get the baddest mother fucker they had. You might remember old, injured Avrydas, but in the ’80s he was an absolute monster. He pretty much took a gold medal from the USA and is probably the reason they assembled the Dream Team. In stats you can actually find about him in the ’80s, the guy had 125 block shots in a 35 game season, while averaging 23 pts and 13.5 boards. Did I mention he hit 40% of his 3PA that year?
BeefLoaf #4 Pick – Isiah Thomas
In a way, it pains me to make this pick. Zeke is a local boy, played at St. Joes, then he went to two of the BeefLoaf’s most hated teams, Indiana (because of that turd burger Bobby Knight) and then the hated Pistons, but you know what, I’m trying to win a ball game and their ain’t a better street ball point guard on the market than Isiah.
Chorizy #5 Pick – Charles Barkley
For my last pick, I need a guy that can board against guys like Rodman and Oakley, can score a bunch, is willing to fight big 7 foot monsters, and will have as much money on the game as MJ. So there is only one guy that fits that bill and it’s the Round Mound of Rebound, Sir Charles.
BeefLoaf #5 Pick – Jimmy Chitwood
I have written in the past about Jimmy Chitwood’s bowling ball size clangers and in this game, Imma need those. Look you need one long distance shooter in a pickup game and one that can play against the elements. You saw Jimmy shooting on that bullshit back yard rim, in the wind and cold. That’s my guy. I almost gave this spot to Larry Bird, but I just felt this was the better move.
So, who’s team do you like? Who did we miss? Hit us up on the twitter machine and holler at us. This was a FUUUUNNNNNN exercise!!