Odd Job – Professional Suite Filler

Hello Everybody! It’s your pal MySoxSummer and I wanna be a Professional Suite Filler.  Do you know what that is?  I am guessing no.  Does it even exist?  I fucking hope so!  I am gonna write a whole blog about my qualifications and my thoughts on why I would make the best rent-a-friend eva.  So let’s break it down.

 

How I Got The Idea

If you pay attention to our twitter (@fromthe108), you might have noticed that I was in a killer suite when the AZ DBacks were playing our sisters to the north.  Nope, I haven’t jumped ship, my wife’s cousin is a professional funny guy – T.J. McFarland – who happens to throw baseballs really good for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

USP MLB: SAN DIEGO PADRES AT ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS S BBN ARI SD USA AZ

Quick History Lesson – I was living in AZ when the DBacks beat the Yanks to win the 2001 World Series.  I worked for Alice Cooper’sTown which is a badass BBQ / Comfort Food joint right up the street from Chase Field, and across the street from United Airlines Arena.  I met a bunch of athletes during my days there, drank a ton of free beer, ate really good free food and even watched “Mr. Belding” a.k.a. Dennis Haskins do body shots off a young lady during a fundraiser for Alice’s charity. I have more stories that I would love to share, maybe someday I will write that blog.  Maybe off season.  We’ll see.

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So anyways, I am in a the best suite in Wrigley.  No shit.  Directly behind home.  Our suite neighbor to the left was none other than the architect of the rebuild, Theo Epstein.  It was pretty boss.  Our host was a great guy, who remembered everyone’s name and what they were drinking.  He ordered multiple things to eat, drink and when that desert cart came around, goddamn.  Bailey shots in chocolate cups.  Wonderful.

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If you don’t remember the game on Thursday, there were several rain delays and I can’t even tell you how sweet it was to not have to move out of the rain, or even give a fuck if the game was gonna start again cause you are eating your face off and drinking tons of free Heiniken.  The starting pitchers were Q vs Grenkie, so i was expecting an epic pitch off, but those rain delays really killed the momentum.  So I just enjoyed my wife’s extended family and had a great time.

Now, as you might or might now know, I have a young daughter, Little Miss Shortstop.  My wife’s birthday was the following day, so I let her stay for the game and I left about 6.  Big thanks to my SIL Shannon for watching my daughter for about 8 hours.  She rules.  So as I walked home, drunk and full of life, I decided that my dream job would be a professional suite filler.

During the course of our conversations, the suite host told me how hard it was in previous years to get the suite filled.  Amazing. I thought Cubs fans were the best?  I can only imagine how hard some of these guys on the southside must be working to fill theirs.  So that is where I come in.  I can be that filler.  Why me?  Glad you asked.

My Qualifications

Reason # 1 – I drink beer.  Alot of beer.  At first look you are thinking, uh, that doesn’t sound like a good thing.  On Thursday, I knew the crowd was a bigger fan of domestics and hard booze. I scanned that fridge upon entry, we were a little late, and there was more Heiniken than any other beer.  So that was the beer I drank.  And no one drank that beer.  If I was on the southside, and no one wanted the Budweiser, I would drink that.  Yes, I would take one for the team.  I also have a decent amount of knowledge on craft beer. I can explain most beers.  It’s a skill.

Reason #2 – I don’t eat much.  While I am a huge fat guy, most of my extra lbs come from massive amounts of beer consumption. I eat minimal food, unless there is a plentiful amount.  I do not wanna be the fat guy that everyone looks at and says that is why we have no food left.  Not gonna happen.

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Reason #3 – I kinda know a little about baseball.  I can at the very least nod my head in agreement when I have 0 fucking idea who you are talking about.  Ask the fellas, hell they might not even know that I am pulling a Swingers style move when they talk about draft picks or our recent pick ups.

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Reason #4 – I have tons of stories that fall into the PG-13 and R category.  Yep, just gonna say that.  Some involve famous folks, some are from college, some are from my 10 years out west.  Wanna know more? Invite me to your suite.

Reason #5 – I don’t look like I CAN’T fight.  If we get in a pinch and we need some muscle, I at least look the part.  Get to talking to me, I am not that guy, but my looks and size scare away potential troublemakers.

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So there you have it! I feel like I could really excel in this line of work.  So do you know any guys that have a suite?  Send them my way – @mysoxsummer is my Twitter.  Or hell even email me at mysoxsummer@gmail.com.  If last night was any indication of the year to come, you are gonna need me to fill your suite!

-MSS

This week is the week folks!  Wanna meet and party with us?  Then show up Friday or Saturday for 2 108 special events! (Truth be told, there is a pretty good chance you can get drunk with us on Monday or Tuesday, just won’t be an official event)

Badergate At The Park – Elvis Night! 

Date: August 25th

Location : TBD (But usually Lot E)

Time: 4pm

What: Free Baderbrau beer.  Free Baderbrau food.  Free swag from the 108 boys. Do you need any other reasons to come get drunk on Friday night?  Be there or be square.

Fill The 108 Night! MSS Turns 40! Star Wars Night 

Date: August 26th

Location : Section 108 / $20 Tickets

Time: 6pm

What: My Sox Summer is turning 40 on Aug 20th, but we won’t celebrate till the 26th.  We have 30 plus tickets bought already for our friends and family, let’s buy even more.  MSS would suggest you get them at the box office to save on fees and get there early to get the bobblehead.  If you don’t want that bobblehead give it to MSS.  Ha.  We promise to be drunk AF and we will go live a few times.  Have fun in a full 108! We might have to get an extra Modelo vendor that night to handle all the requests.

Avi Garcia – Trade, Extend or Nothing….

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In the 15 months or so that we have been writing in this space, I think we have probably written about Avi Garcia too much.  Whether it be to talk about WHY the White Sox continue to give him chances, or to make fun of him for sneaking under 260 lbs as a playing weight.  The 108ers are intrigued by Avisail Garcia.  The other night, I ran a Twitter poll of our followers and there isn’t a general consensus on what the White Sox should do with Avi Garcia

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So, I figured, as any blogger with a mediocre offering might do, I would breakdown the potential actions….

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TRADE

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The whole thought that Avi could be traded was kicked off via a rumor, of course, it was a Cafardo, so it is likely to have no basis in reality.  I remember when Sam Smith used to write for the Bulls and he would make up trade scenarios, at least he wrote them in a way in which, you knew he was just making something up and it was fun.  Nowadays these fucking guys make up shit and then blasted it out there like it is reality.  It’s a bunch of BS.  Anywho, so, Cafardo noted that the Cardinals were looking at Garcia and a few other power hitting RF’s.  I looked up and down the rest of the playoff contenders and pretenders and truthfully didn’t see much in the way of a team that really needs a RF.  The only other team that looked appetizing to me, were the Mets, but not for this year, they’ll start clearing off the Granderson and Bruce contracts at the end of the year, they could probably use a young controllable (at least for 2 years) RF to help out in their competitive window.  Besides those two teams, you got me.

Truthfully though, I don’t need to find a suitor, if Avi is to be traded, someone will emerge. I am just in need of finding a prospective value back in trade.  Avi is tough to compare given that he’s had 3 pretty blech seasons and now 3 pretty excellent months.  He’s still not walking a lot, but the “walking a lot” folks need to go fuck off, you can be a plenty valuable player with power and high contact rate.  The two most comparable trades from last deadline are the Mets trading for Bruce and the Rangers trading for Beltran.  The Bruce deal netted the Reds Dilson Herrera who was a top 10 prospect in the Mets system, but graduated from his prospect status and a lottery ticket.  The Beltran deal, which required the Yanks to toss some cash in the nap sack that went along with Carlos to Texas included a top 5 prospect in the Rangers system (Dillon Tate) and top 100 overall and two lesser prospects that were top 10 round picks in the 2014 amateur draft.

In other words, it isn’t likely that an Avisail Garcia trade ends up with much star power included in it.  It is possible that his control with 2 arb years remaining would boost the haul, but it is likely you would just be adding more assets and setting the clock back on those assets.  It is doubtful you line up something with as much promise as say, I dunno, 2013 Avisail Garcia.  If trade is the answer, it may be a signal that the competitive window is a little further away (say, starting in 2020) and that the White Sox need more assets that start arriving then.

EXTEND

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This is a tough one, as Garcia has 2 arb years left.  For the 2017 season he netted a 1 yr $3M deal before going to arbitration.  Truthfully, he was pretty terrible heading into his 1st arbitration year and still got $3M.  Arbitration is pretty kind to giving raises if someone could, oh, I dunno, put up a .900 OPS season.  You might expect Avi to pick up a $3M to $4M raise in 2018 and a similar one in 2019.  Which would put Avi’s salaries at say $7M in 2018 and $11M in 2019, the White Sox would need to buy those out and then buy out some portion of free agency.

I think the closest thing to Avi in estimated value might be someone like Mark Trumbo who got 3 yrs 37.5M.  Truthfully, if you think Avi is actually this Avi, he’s much better than Mark Trumbo, so maybe Ian Desmond‘s 5yrs $70M is closer to accurate.  Let’s assume if you extend Avi (and the extension would have to occur around now or at least before he puts in an entire season of being a 3 to 4 win player) that the extension would be for 5 yrs and $75M (buying out arb years 2018 & 2019) and then signing him through  2022 (his age 31 season).  Avi might feel some loyalty towards the White Sox and get something like this done.  Or, he might realize that he goes to free agency at 28 and could make more money than this when he does.

NOTHING

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This is the best action in my opinion.  I don’t think the market yet believes in the new Avi, making trades tougher and I think it is pretty cost prohibitive to the future competing White Sox teams to possibly fuck up this extension.  I think you let Avi play this out and then in 2018 you re-evaluate.  Maybe he finds his level as a 2 WAR RF and then you decide that he’ll be cheap enough to extend or a valuable enough commodity to trade for a real chip.  With the current expiring assets on the roster, I think Rick Hahn has his hands full trying to unload everything that isn’t nailed down for something of future value.

 

– BeefLoaf

The 5 – Mark Buehrle’s Best Moments

On Saturday, June 24th, the Chicago White Sox will retire #56. Rightly so.  The guy was balls out awesome with the Sox, and always got you out of there early with his no nonsense approach to tossing the hardball.  The catcher called the pitch, he threw the pitch.  Simple.  Didn’t overthink it, just threw the ball.  He didn’t get you on speed, he got you because he was a master at placing the ball where he wanted it.  He was our Maddux on the southside, another guy who pitched forever because his style gave him the chance.  Will he make the HOF?  Up for debate, but his win total might keep him out.

Here are my, MSS, best Buehrle moments.

5 – April 5th, 2010 – The Buehrle Backhand.

Goddamn son.

4 – May 5th, 2010 – Balk City Buehrle

A move so good, even big fat dummy Joe West doesn’t get it. Apparently he and Hawk are friends now, they weren’t in this clip.  Mild mannered Mark even got heated.

3 – Big Truck Mark.

http://deadspin.com/5263393/mark-buehrles-truck-will-cause-ice-caps-to-melt

 

2- 4/18/2007 – A No-No.

This was awesome, then this happened…..

1- 7/23/2009 – Perfection.

Just complete insanity.  I was living in Cali at the time, and rushed home to watch the end of the game on my gigantic tube television.  This thing was insane.   I left it behind when I moved cause I didn’t want to ever lift it again.  But anyways, I watched the end of that game on my blue leather couch in Huntington Beach, CA.  That will always be a favorite game and memory of mine.  Maybe not so much my neighbor who must have been tired of hearing me yell at the Sox and Illini, inside the house, outside the house whilst having a heater, upstairs, downstairs, you get the idea.  I called my dad and we talked about how Wise was gonna get a nice gift (which he did, a watch) and how great it was to see a guy like Mark toss that game.

But then we saw Phillip Humber toss one in 2012, and realized it is just as much luck as it is skill.  Ozzie always said he’d rather be lucky than good, hard to disagree with that.

So there are my top 5 moments.  Will be great to see him home again on Saturday.  Speaking of which, will you be there?  Oh, dang, the game is sold out.  But guess what?  The enterprising folks from the 108 have 2 (TWO) extra tickets to giveaway to our fans for free, kinda.  As you know, we opened a store.  You can see what we sell here – http://fromthe108.bigcartel.com/ . Check it out, buy something.  And if you buy 2 items from us from 6/19 till 6/22 at 11pm, you will be entered into the drawing to win the two tickets.  The best part, they are in the 108, our section!  Now, because we aren’t dicks, people that have bought 2 items from us already are entered into the contest too. You count too! But if you wanna buy 2 more items, we’ll even give you an extra entry.  Cheaper than scalping tix, and you get a sweet merch from our blog! Only negative, it is 2 tickets that are not right next to each other, but you will get your pin, watch the number be retired, and in about the 5th you can move down to us and get HAMMERED.

If you have any questions, email us at fromthe108@gmail.com or tweet at us @fromthe108.

-MSS

Another Beer Blog.

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Did you see the news on Friday?  After a 30 year run (and countless cases of cirrhosis) Miller is out, Modelo is in. I have mixed feelings on the whole deal, and I hope we learn what happened, but more than likely we’ll never really know the details.  It ends a relationship that seemed to be mutually beneficial for both groups, but maybe it is time to move on.  As reported, Modelo is the 2nd leading beer in the city of big shoulders behind Lite. In the 108, it makes an appearance during the summer on Beefloaf’s Patio, sometimes several.  Reportedly this opens up what will be served at the park, which is quite the selection as it stood.  I know we all wanna know if they will be serving Cheladas, which could get very interesting. Let take a look at some of new options that the Sox have included in the conversations going forward.

What are the “NEW”  local options?

Two new breweries have been announced for G Rate Field, Baderbrau and Pollyanna. Let’s take a look at what they both have to offer.

There is this little brewery a mile or so away from the park called Baderbrau. It is often credited as the first craft brewer in Chicago, serving a Czech-style pilsener in the mid-90’s.  They have a sweet location on 25th and Wabash that the 108 posse has hit many times. But the best part? SOUTH SIDE PRIDE. A Helles style brew that it damn tasty.  I suggest you take a look the next time you wanna buy a local beer and give that can a try.  They have several styles, lots of lagers, that are easily session beers that will hold up with any in the Chicago scene. Being so lager forward, it is an easier transition for the domestic drinker to move to a crafty style lager. The Chicago Pils might be one of the most easy drinking beers I have ever had.

 

I am not as familiar with Pollyanna, but I will be taking acre of that problem as soon as possible.  I am pretty sure I was drinking Mazzie during the NIU/Toledo football game in Nov, but who knows?  Whatever it was went down smooth and helped me forget that there were only 47 people at that game.  Their offerings on their website look delish, including a high ABV Porter (Eleanor) and IPA (Lexical Gap). I promise to write yet another blog about beer after I have been to or drank a shitload of Pollyanna Beer. I will do all that drinking just so you don’t. Sacrifice, it’s what the 108 is all about.

What are the OLD “local” options?

A 108 fave is a Revolution Brewery.  We’ve talked at great length about the Sec 112 24oz Anti-Hero for under $12, but they produce other awesome beers. Lagunitas is already there too, but I’d love to see more options from another brewery that is only a couple miles from the park.  Lagunitas serves up some great food too, and the people that work there take great pride in introducing you to a vast array of lovely beers.

I love me some 3 Floyds too, but not a fan of Yum Yum, which is what they sell at the park now.  I get why they sell that there though, one of the more easy drinking beers they produce, I’d hate to see a rowdy crowd killing Zombie Dusts’ like they are going out of style.  Even with a 6.66% ABV, it sneaks up on you and you can go from zero to drunk rather quickly.  With a season upon us that could prove to be brutal on the scoreboard, it could get bad with high alcohol beers in mass quantity.

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I get that most folks don’t really like to crush what they consider “heavy” stouts at a summer game.  But as a coffee stout aficionado, I’d love to see an option on the menu for the early and late season games.  Stouts and porters tend to open up as they warm so even if you sip it, it just get’s better.  One of my faves is from Great River Brewery in the Quad Cities. Redband Stout, which used to be readily available, but now seems to be only available at special times.  Or not at all.  Who knows? If we go outside the state, Coffee Bender from Surly is a strong choice too.  Check it out if you like coffee flavored beers.

So what is the best case scenario?

What I would like to see, it a bunch of draft options, that could be limited, could be unlimited, but always should be fresh.  Can any one brewer in Chicago handle the output?  I am guessing no, but that let’s conquer it in numbers.  Have several breweries there providing their best beers, let’s make it like a beer festival up in the G Spot (ugh, shudder).

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For all you domestic drinkers, I am sure you will be well taken care of, as Lite will still be in the park, just not in the bins.  The Shandy’s will be around I am sure, so that should suffice about 75% of our beer drinking fans.  I’d encourage you to try some of these other beers when you are out and about in your home drinking scene.  I wouldn’t suggest giving them a try at the park when the price will make it even worse if you dislike it.  And you should be fair to beer, it’s earned that right.

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The beer revolution has been great to me and other beer drinkers and I think the Sox have been right on the pulse getting good beer options to the fans.  Way better than up north, that is for sure.  The Sox are the beer (and BP Cup) champions.  I think they will continue this trend with more great options.

Have any suggestions for us?  Send them to us on Twitter – @fromthe108

Cheers fans.

-MSS

Why I’m wearing my Sox jersey tonight and you should too.

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Beer. It’s what’s for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. And snacks.

The time has come my friends, tonight we all lose.  Either the Indians (a hated division rival) break a multiple decade streak, or those damn northsiders will finally have something to celebrate other than their perfect attendance.  Sorry Sox fans, unlike the 1985 Bears championship, our total dominance in 2005 will soon be forgotten (and one can make a case that it already has) by the lazy media and half the city of Chicago.  Don’t fret though, 11-1 is always gonna be in the record books, baseball fans will never forget and us Sox fans will carry that torch till we win it again.  So tonight wear your Sox jersey proud as it might be the last time we can celebrate that magical season without hearing a northsider him and haw about how they have 3 rings now too!  And how they did it in dramatic fashion.

Which, as a side note if it does happen that way, is nothing to be proud of.  Facing the brink of elimination to make your guys give you the best they have isn’t the sign of a great team.  Wining the World Series in any amount of games is a great accomplishment, don’t get me wrong, but if it happens tonight Cubs fans, doing it in 7 after being down 3-1 doesn’t make it any more magical.

Tonight should be a wake up call to the Sox organization. Since 2005, 5 AL Central teams have been in the World Series.  Hell, if you just look at recent history, 2012 till 2016 4 out of the 5 AL teams have been from the AL Central. That alone should make us want to compete, which it looks form the casual observer that we are, but we all know the deal.  Seems like when we do spend money, it’s on guys who we shouldn’t have.  And the guys who we should spend money on, we don’t.  Its just odd that we will take a risk on James Shields (Dunn, LaRoche), but won’t put out the scratch to get a big name free agent.

This team has no identity, between our two big stars, one has hissy fits and acts like a child, the other can’t speak english. Nothing wrong with that mind you, but there is no leader.  We haven’t had a leader since AJ left, and if you don’t believe that, look at our defense in 2013.  Best in all of baseball in 2012, 2013 we just sucked. So we need to get someone to sack up and lead this team.  Will it happen?  Not sure there is anyone here that can do that.  I had hopes for Eaton, or Frazier, but they came into a situation with Sale and Abreu being the guys that should be the leaders and I am sure that is awkward.  Plus, seeing how many people that have been blocked by Frazier on Twitter, not sure how that guy could lead anyways.  I would tweet him about it, but yup you guessed it, offering to buy him a drink when he first signed with the team got me blocked.  No biggie.

Our organization doesn’t have the stones to do a complete rebuild, and from listening to some of the fans, I am not sure that the reason is valid.  I’ve heard from several people that the Sox couldn’t afford to do it as the remaining fans would just check out. Which, 1- I don’t know how it could get worse and 2 – Us true fans would rather being watching L’s with  youngsters trying to get better other than the older guys.  It feel like the Sox have been half in and half out on everything and that just doesn’t work.  Cubs looked like shit for years, but it paid off.  Would it go that way for us too?  Don’t know.  I doubt it, but we can try?  What we are doing now isn’t working either, so let’s develop some talent and get some of these guys that are good to some better teams so they have a shot to win one.

Alot of our moves for new guys seem rather stale, shit we’ve seen before.  Is it time to shake up the front office? Develop some new ideas? Have a new plan of attack?  HELL YES, HELL YES, HELL YES. I like loyalty, I live my life by it, I trust people based on it, but you have to have results, which we just don’t get.  So why are we loyal to people that aren’t getting the job done?  That’s fucking wrong.

I hope tonight while we watch a team that is a division rival or a created rival due to proximity (and jackwagon fans), win a title that we should have contended for, someone on 35th and Shields decides that enough is enough.  That .500 isn’t good enough.  That we’ll catch up with the rest of the AL Central. That we’ll make the moves to win another one.  That our loyal fanbase deserves better.  That just showing up doesn’t cut it any longer.  That they won’t accept losing anymore.

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So while the world is watching another curse or streak get broken, take some time and don your Sox jersey and remember that moment in 2005 when we were on top.  That night we SWEPT the World Series. It really doesn’t seem that long ago, but watching other teams just pass us by without a fight from our organization is hard, really hard.  We’ll get there again Sox fans, believe me.  Have a Lite and a smile.

-MSS

@mysoxsummer

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The Playoffs. Yep, it’s gonna suck.

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Yeah.  I know.  But I posted this to make a point.  This started floating around last year and it angered me a little, almost wrote a blog about it then, but I got drunk and said fuck it.  But this year, oh it’s on.

Why do I hate this?  Mostly because it states that if you are from Illinois you should be a Cubs fan.  May I be the first to say FUCK THAT.  2 teams in this city, 2 sets of die hard fans. Also calling a fan an asshole because they refuse to flip flop is just a dumb move.  You ride and die with your team folks, if some dumb meme will make you change sides, you suck balls. I think flip flopping or being all wishy washy – “I just like Chicago baseball!” – should be saved for just the out-of-towners living in this majestic place we call home.  I’d call you an asshole for being a turncoat. I’d call you an asshole for all sorts of shit to be honest, but in this case if you aren’t true to your team, you are the asshole, asshole.

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7 years old and already sick of this guys mouth.

In 2005 I didn’t want any Cubs fans cheering for my Sox, I couldn’t have given two fucks less if you were from Chicago and not cheering for them. I would respect you less if you were a Cubs fan and were riding the Sox bandwagon. Does this reek of insecurity?  Of course it does, at least for the guy making the meme.  I don’t think all Cubs fans believe this, just some of the jackwagons that I am friends with on FB.  Ha.  You got a great team, you have a huge fan base, enjoy!  You don’t need all the fans.  I know it will piss people off when I say that I am not pulling for the Cubbies, but yeah, ew.

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I wasn’t rooting for them in ’03 or ’15, but I wasn’t rooting against them.  I got friends and family that deserve to see their team win the WS.  But I am not buying any gear to cheer them on or posting sweet memes on FB cheering those guys on.  You can do that with the Bears and the Bulls, and clearly you can do that with the Blackhawks (they maybe had 7 fans before Kane and Toews got signed). But you cannot do that with the Cubs and Sox. It forces you to make a decision and stick with it.  Some would say that I was cursed being born to a proud Sox fan, but I saw my team win.  I saw my team win in magnificent fashion.  I’ll take it.  I’ve never followed the herd and there isn’t a herd on the southside according to our attendance.

Here are some things I know you will see in the next few weeks-

You’ll see a lot of “true fans” which is always fun.  Hell, they might be.  They might be there for the party.  But who are we to judge?  My good friends that are Cubs fans deserve this as much a I did in 2005.  They also understand that they need to win the games. It’s not a given they just win.  I never thought for a minute that the Sox would have had the success they did in 2005, especially in the Playoffs.  And I guess that is what gets under my skin a little. It is a long road still, it’s not a given they will get out of the first round yet alone win the series.

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Holy fuck.  King of the Assholes everyone!

There is gonna be a shit ton of people talking baseball that have no idea how baseball works.  If you already are a Cubs fan, you should be used to this. Oddly this is not limited to just girls.  I plan on staying as far away from the northside as possible. Hell, I have a concert at the Metro with the boys on Dec 16th (Helmet and Local H) and that might be cutting it too close if the boys in blue make it happen.  Ugh, I don’t even wanna think about that.

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Lotta shit talking on the White Sox.  Hell, that has already started.  Some is deserved, but goddamn, most of us Sox fans have to agree that the product that has been passed off as baseball on the southside since 2013 is god awful.  News flash, unlike some Cubs fans who have a direct line to Theo, just because I am a Sox fans doesn’t mean I agree with the path this team has decided to go. I like the departure of Robin. I would love a total rebuild, even firing a few top level guys (KENNY), but as I will tell anyone that will listen I have 0 faith in our front office to get what our big guys are worth on the open market. But I am part of the problem, I continue to throw money at this organization to watch shitty baseball. So in short, Cubs fans, zip it. You have shit to be happy about, you don’t need to talk down the southsiders to make yourselves feel any better.  Well, maybe if you lose you can do that. Sox fans zip it too.  This Cubs team is pretty good.  If they had on black instead of blue I’d take it.  Great players that bought into the team.  We can respect that.  But fuck asshole Cub fans. No respect given.

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Every media outlet will forget about 2005.  Much like Rudy Giuliani forgot that 9/11 happened BEFORE Obama took office, most media outlets will forget the complete dominance that was on display for the entire county during the 2005 MLB Playoffs.  And also like Rudy Giuliani, most media outlets will be sucking the Cubs balls like Rudy does for Trump.  We as Sox fans are used to that, but it will be even worse now that the Sox have played themselves into oblivion.

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Ditka. So gross. So gross.

Joe Maddon will be the next Mike Ditka. I like Joe, I think he is a great person to have running your team.  Especially if you have a great team.  He seems to develop young talent like a mofo.  The Cubs have had some great personalities running their squads, Dusty Baker and Lou Piniella come to mind, but Joe will be the one they remember if they win this thing.  I just hope that he doesn’t go all conservative and and ask waitresses “Can I eat your pussy?” later in life, cause that’s not a good look coach.

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Impressed that shirt has held up since 1908.

Everyone you fucking know will be the biggest fucking Cubs fan all playoffs. Yep, they will. “Oh I can’t do that, it’s 6 hours before the game.” There will be Cubs gear everywhere.  Every-fucking-thing will be Cubs branded. If any of your Cubs friends get’s a dog, no doubt it will be named Wrigley, or Rizzo or Bryant. But not Schwarber, that’s fucking weird.

So Sox fans, I suggest stocking up on High Life, Lite, Anti-Hero or your booze of choice for the playoffs.  You know the boys in the 108 will be drinking, so you won’t be drinking alone, ever. Take comfort that no matter what happens, your good friends Beefloaf, Chorizy-E, BigUns, Slumpbuster and My Sox Summer will be back in the 108 next April talking about random stuff and plowing through $8.75 beers like they cost a dollar. Hopefully watching a young team on a mission to rebuild, not some quick fix bullshit.  You hear that Kenny and Rick?  Help us out brahs. As always, Go Sox.

-MSS

The Non-Beer Options – By Quernzy

Quernzy is the lovely partner/wife/drinking buddy to our very own Chorizy-E.  She likes a good time, even though she married a guy who looks like her grandpa (if her grandpa was mexican and had grey hair).  She also is majorly famous having appeared in many movies and TV shows.  Check her out on IMDB. Huge sports fan, it runs in her blood, as her mom’s favorite movie of all time is Rocky (and she was a season ticket holder for the O’s and Ravens).

If you’re still watching the White Sox, you’re probably drinking way more alcohol. And sometimes a beer may not be strong enough when the other team is about to score their 10th run. So I did you a favor and tested out all the non-beer options on the concourse level of US Cellular Field.

Frozen Zone

Many of you will probably start off a game by heading to the “Frozen Zone” near the bleachers and pick up a Frozen Mango Daiquiri in an obnoxious souvenir cup that you’ll never use again. But after a few sips, you will regret that decision. They are way too sweet and you will have a headache to prove it. Not to mention, a ridiculous cup that looks like you just left a horrible bachelorette party.

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Vendors

Opt instead for a Frozen Margarita from the vendors in the aisles. Delicious! And just the right amount to finish before it melts. Some have Frozen Vodka Lemonade, equally good.  Unfortunately, there are not a lot of these vendors, so keep an eye out for them.

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Cocktails

One of my favorite non-frozen cocktails at the park is a Vodka Lemonade near Section 106 at the “K”orner Beer Stand. While you are over there, check out the Xfinity Bar near Section 108. They have a specialty cocktail menu and The ChiSox Mule is worth the long lines at the bar.  If the park is packed, be prepared to wait for half an inning (aka an entire James Shields start).

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And for something a little different – try the coffee with a shot of Baileys and get a souvenir mug at the “Winning Ugly is Sweet” Stand at Section 143.  Now that it’s summer, this might not be the best choice, but don’t worry, the stadium will be cold and empty in just a few short months.

Overall, there are plenty of non-beer options on the first level and given the Sox recent play, you’re gonna need them.

– Quernzy

Follow Quernzy here!

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