The sounds and smells as you walk onto the concourse at Sox Park are second to none. It’s baseball, it’s summer, it’s awesome. BUT there are thousands of people walking around up there, so it is important to be courteous of others. We’re seeing a few too many problematic walkers, which we will break down below in this blog.

If you prefer video, check this out:

The Dead Stopper

The Dead Stopper walks at a totally normal pace in a crowded concourse, but then out of nowhere, comes to a screeching halt. As if a UFO has just hovered above and captured them in a tractor beam, they are frozen in time. And you are about to crash into them.

The Weaver

This person never learned about the shortest path between two points being a straight line. They’re not quite doing parkour and they’re not quite avoiding a sniper, but they are slowly meandering back and forth so you can’t possibly walk around them.

The Gate Car

This is when a family of 6 walks six wide instead of breaking into groups. If you’re walking the other way, try not to get blown up. If you’re walking behind them, you’re going as slow as they want you to.

The Drunk Toddler

A kid learning to walk is super cute. Them trying to do it in a crowded concourse, not great. For the same reason you don’t take your teenager on the Dan Ryan for their first driving lesson.

But What Can We Do??

We are known to not only to identify the problem but also to offer multiple solutions to solve said problem. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Walking The Concourse for Dummies!

PLAN AHEAD.

When you go on a trip you don’t just get in the car and drive. No you fucking don’t, you look up directions! You get the gas tank filled! YOU PLAN AHEAD. Guess what? Fucking Al Gore created the internet and you can plan what areas you wanna visit, what food you wanna eat. You won’t be confused or distracted by shiny things and great smells and become a problem in the concourse. You’ll be a hero because YOU HAVE A PLAN.

MAKE SOME CHANGES.

Part of the concourse issues are caused by LINES. Lines for the bathroom (we tried). Lines getting CONCESSIONS. Oh White Sox Park concessions. This is a 3 headed monster and has to be defeated in two ways. Now listen, I get it, you just found out you were coming to the game and didn’t have time to plan. But guess what? They have HUGE FUCKING SCREENS with the available options right behind the cash registers. Pick a few items and be ready. Yes, sometimes things are sold out, so have a backup plan.

The next thing we need to fix is the delivery method of said purchases. If it takes less time to serve the person, there will be less congestion. And let me tell you, a customer that gets served quickly and has a good experience WILL COME BACK. Plus you will serve more people and make more money. NEWS FLASH, I’ve been told companies love money.

So how do you fix it? The person taking the order should only do that – take the order. One of the other multiple people in the stand can fulfill that order. They can be the RUNNERS. It makes too much sense. Having one person do all the jobs, doesn’t seem to be working quite that well. Let’s adjust our attack.

BRING BACK THE 500 LEVEL BAN.

Credit to BeefLoaf for this observation. Every fucking DAY someone posts on Reddit “If I buy a 500-level ticket am I allowed to explore EVERY AREA OF THE BALLPARK?” I wanna respond “NO!” but I can’t because weekday games it’s rarely enforced. As recently as last year this was rarely an issue, but now that the team is good and people are showing up, you gotta stay in your cheap seats. And before you say “Well, I just go to see the statues AND then make the trek upstairs.” NO YOU DON’T. You fucking try to sneak in seats (like my beautiful aisle seat) and stay for the whole game. Or you stand around like a dolt in the concourse just making things difficult for us non-cheap people. Get outta here you fucking cheapskate! You wanna sit downstairs? PAY UP.

There you have it, solutions that will stop the problem we are now facing on the southside. Have any ideas? Did we miss anything? Let us know!

– Chorizy-E & MSS

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