The 5 – 5 Things You Didn’t Know Were Needed At The Park

I think we can all agree that G-Rate needs to improve the fan experience, the question is how? Lot’s of great ideas have been passed around, the gates, the parking, even the food. Sure these changes would be nice, but what they lack is originality and vision. As I always say, “Go big or go home”. Here are some things I would implement if I ran the park.

Catch A Home Run, Win $500

Catching a home run ball is exciting for one person, and one person only…whoever sat in the right spot to catch it. Everyone around that person is left pretty disappointed they were about 2 feet away from going home with a ball. You don’t wanna be the asshole who dives over a kid to snatch it, I mean that’s just crazy…BUT IT’S WHAT WE NEED TO SEE!

That’s why we should give $500 to anyone who catches a home run! The stakes are heightened. I wanna see fights to get these balls. This is now an event that involves ALL of us because if we’re not in the range to catch it, we get to see a pretty gnarly fight in the process. Just imagine the match of the century: Wally$ vs. MSS vs. a random 12 year old. #Epic

Make The Craft Kave (Leinenkugel’s Craft Lodge) An Actual Cave!

First off, rebrand the Leinenkugel’s Craft Lodge back to the Craft Kave. There is little to debate, it was by far a cooler name. Second, what the Craft Kave really lacks is a cave-like atmosphere. My plan is to go all in on the cave, picture Rainforest Cafe-esque. They shut down a few years back, maybe we can get the animatronic animals on the cheap. In addition, “Thunderstruck” will be played after every home run and down in the Kave, complete with a simulated thunderstorm! It’s thematic. We can even put a live cam on Brew Hand Luke as he experiences the new Craft Kave for the first time.

Build A 2nd Story To Lot B

No, not a parking garage. I’d like to do the impossible and keep an open floor concept. Opening up a second Lot B bunk bed style. More prime time parking, double the fun! Much like a bunk bed, I’d prefer the classic getting up by ladder. A ladder dismount though…well…I popped my shoulder when I was 7 falling off the ladder on my bunk bed (shocking). So much like the bunk bed I wish I had growing up, the dismount needs to be a slide. Picture the childhood game Chutes & Ladders but IRL, just drunker.

Two Words – Bullet Slides

Speaking of slides… I say skip the ramps, skip the steps. Slides from every level to the lots. Slides that put Bernie The Brewer’s weak ass slide to shame. From a math nerd standpoint, given the estimated angles and heights of each slide, the velocity of each rider would be so high that sliding would be both efficient and effective. Speaking from personal experience, I’d compare them to the bullet slide I used to ride at Camp Tecumseh. Growing up, did I fear for my life every time I went down it? Yes. BUT it’s the risk I’m willing to take to save 5 minutes of steps. And to spice it up in the summer…just add water! Cools you off and is tons of fun.

Two MORE Words – Chug Cam

No one goes to White Sox games looking for love. I’m pretty sure we’ll even get the ick after after we see each other go down those slides, especially if you say “weeeee!” Kiss cams are tired. Chug cams are wired. Much like cup snakes, it generates more beer sales. And our owner likes more money right? But more importantly, can you imagine Dougie Fresh on the chug cam!? Sensational! It gets the people goin’!

And there you have it, 5 things you didn’t know were needed at the park but now you can’t live without. We can’t control what happens on the field but we can control the fan experience. Let’s step it up White Sox!

-Missy

Missy Carrol is a huge TikTok star running both her personal page @Messy.Carrol and her Sox related one @SouthSideBehavior. Give her a follow @messycarrol & @ssbehavior on the Twitters. Missy is competing in the 22-23 #108WeightLoss Challenge and is the foremost critic of the 108 TikTok account. Missy is also the queen of shotgunning beers and Four Lokos. Long Live The Queen!

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