Farewell John Danks – By Chorizy-E

When you’re old and gray like your buddy Chorizy-E, you build up regrets over time.  Whether it’s saying “Yes, clown in a van, I WOULD like some candy” or deciding “I will try mescaline in this abandon building in Detroit” or telling Beefloaf “Why would we re-sign Buehrle?  We’ve got Danks!”  Obviously, the last one is the most regrettable.

Yes, I said it.  I hate myself for it, but I said it.  And I believed it.

Danks

With Danks, it is all about the Blackout game.  This is one of the greatest games I have ever attended and John Danks was incredible.  He took the team on his back and got us to the playoffs.  It was awesome, everyone was happy, and then it was all over.

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In 2012, he suffered a shoulder injury and just never seemed to recover.  Even the most optimistic Sox fans, like Slumpbuster, couldn’t find anything to latch onto with Danks in the past few years.

slumpbuster

In the end, I can only compare his career to listening to a Dream Theater song.  Kind of intriguing at the beginning, by the middle you’ve lost interest, at the end you realize it went on for way too long, and you end up disappointed in everyone involved.

The 5 – Reasons NOT To Buy The Hype

It’s Early.

It’s way f’ing early.  Shit, the way the media is talking in Chicago, Cubs have the World Series berth locked up and maybe the Sox will compete with them in October.  Y’all are f’ing nuts.

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Crack pipe.  Yep.

John Danks. 

Yeah.  2 games, 2 losses.  Not even close.  I met John at SoxFest ’16, hell of a great guy.  Always looks really excited, possibly high, maybe it’s time to pack it up, take care of that smoking hot wife of yours and call it day.  Hell, go hang out with Dunn.  Maybe join LaRoche on one of his “missions”.  He’s not cutting it, maybe he’ll get hot later, but let’s bring him in if a young guy starts getting pounded.  He shouldn’t be starting.

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So high.

The teams we have played.

“We would have lost to the Twins last year”  – Friend in passing.

He’s right by the way.  Were the Twins better last year?  I HAVE NO F’ING IDEA.  I am a White Sox fan, I can barely keep up with them, I rely on the head nod and squinty eyes when I am asked in depth baseball questions.  Chorizy , Polish or ‘Loaf can handle your technical questions better, I rely on the ol’ eye test.  The Twins f’ing failed the eye test.  Badly.   When I see Oakland starting Phegley and Semien, I think to myself, “I know how good those guys are so you guys must really suck.”  I am sure they will come on later in the year to prove me wrong (Phegley Fever!) and I hope they do. Tribe sucks too, cause, well Cleveland.  Look what that city did to that find upstanding COLLEGE GRADUATE from Texas A&M, Johnny “Football” Manziel.  Cue Beastie Boys – Johnny Ryall.

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Jimmy Rollins.

Dude is old.  Like way old.  I am 1 year older than him. I am f’old too.  I don’t need to be on the softball field anymore, much less a MLB field.  I hope JRoll keeps not hurting himself.  I hope he continues to help us in the field and smack a hit here and there. What I am guessing will happen is one day his leg will just fall off.  You better be practicing Tyler, you let a 37 yr old guy beat you for your spot.  I met Tyler at SoxFest too, I asked him what the plans were, his handler said he was the starting SS for us.  Tyler responded with a “We’ll see”.  Yeah, cause goddamn, we’re gonna need ya son.

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Dude looks high too. I swear I bought weed from this guy several times in college.

 

Hitting.

Not long ago, Jose Abreu had to swing at anything close cause the dude wasn’t being protected by ANYONE. Now we have reigning home run champ Todd Frazier batting behind him and he still swings at junk.  Will he get more disciplined?  Maybe.  Hitting coach Todd Steverson is a hell of a nice guy too, I know he has worked hard with Jose, so I am hopeful.  But will Frazier start hitting?  Kinda a big component in the whole deal.  I hope as the weather warms up so will the bats.  Still not hitting good enough to get behind them yet.

MLB: Arizona Diamondbacks at Chicago White Sox
Hit that ball buddy.

 

So alot of things that need to be fixed before I can even list these guys an contenders.  I thought this past weekend would be a good test, lost 2 of 3.  Hoping that they can split with the Angels and take the series vs the Rangers.  I will be at a few games this week, hope to see you guys there!

-MSS