12 Days of #108Mas: Perfect Gifts For Annoying Fans

The holidays are usually about love, happiness and getting together with your family. But think of the worst follow you have on twitter……that person has a family too. That person, who has the worst fucking White Sox takes, goes home to his or her family, for the holidays. And they tell them all about how “it really goes down” in the MLB because they started a Facebook page devoted to “only intelligent baseball talk”. Yup, that person is floating their bad takes to the whole family around the Christmas tree.

Do you happen to have one of those Sox fans in your circle? T’s & P’s and this blogs for you! I’ll give you a few examples of these types of fans for you to pinpoint what type of fan they are and then provide a gift that they will love! Ready? LET’S. FUCKING. GO.

The Fan Who Says The Sox Never Spend Big On Free Agents

You know this fan. We all know this fan. They were pretty active right before the lockout yelling about the Max Scherzer deal. Yelling into the echo chamber they have created on the boomer infested FB saying the Sox are just so damn cheap! Completly ignoring that at one point in time the White Sox signed a guy making him the highest paid player in baseball! Thats’s right, everyone’s best buddy Albert “Joey” Belle!

In the winter of 1996, Belle signed a 5-year, $55 million (equivalent to $88,668,118 today) deal with the Chicago White Sox as a free agent. This contract made him the highest-paid player in baseball for a brief period and the first player in baseball history to make $10 million in a season.

From MSS Supported Wikipedia

How about that? It didn’t even go that badly, aside from calling my cousin a “f*g” during spring training in 1997, he slugged 79 homers, drove in 268 runs and slashed .301/.366/.571 in his two seasons on the Southside. That’s pretty good! Thanks Albert! Now shockingly, the White Sox haven’t really honored “The Great Joey” so trying to find a gift that is White Sox related is kinda tough. If you aren’t into cards, this is the next best thing….The Albert Belle “Bobble Bicep” Bobblehead!

Isn’t that a hoot? Pretty fucking amazing giveaway from the Akron Rubberducks (who also are responsible for some of the best and most expensive Major League bobbles in the game) that would serve as a great reminder of that one time we set the market…….in 1996.

The Fan Who Says We Got Lucky Not Getting A Big Free Agent

Oh this fucking fan is the worst, easily one of Aloha Mr. Hand’s favorite fans. Most recently they were complaining about the deal Javy Baez got with the Detroit Tigers, but they’re always putting their thoughts into the convo. “No one is worth that kinda money!” The best part of this fan is they are still pissed that Leaury Garcia plays as much as he does and they think he “sucks”. Well, YOU SUCK buddy. Why wouldn’t we want a good player at that position? Why do we even care what they get paid? Everything is still gonna increase in price, regardless how much our 2B makes. GTFOH. This is one thing that really gets me going, like crushing some Taco Bell after drinking 15 PBRs. Just kidding, Taco Bell is trash, I’d never eat that! But to the gift…

Why not get this “student of the game” a Bryce Harper 2021 MVP Bobblehead? I know, it’s that good!

Now, this is only available for pre-order right now so you won’t get it before the holiday. BUT you can do what my mom did for me when there was “The Great Alvin & The Chipmunks Shortage of 1983”. I didn’t receive my Alvin playing the harmonica wind-up due to not being available in our small town, so she just drew a picture of it!

Never did get that Alvin….fucking Santa.

The burn will be twofold, once on Christmas and secondly in March when the bobblehead finally ships and your buddy will be reminded again that maybe we should have paid up in 2019 and solved our bat and RF problem with one deal. “We’ll get ’em next time!”

The Guy Who Says We Can Trade Micker Adolfo and Blake Rutherford

When we are looking for a guy in our farm to trade inevitably both Micker and Blake will be in the conversation. These guys were the most hyped guys from the beginning of the rebuild that are still in our system. Sadly, injuries have played a big role in the lack of progress of both Micker and Blake. Well Blake, Blake might not be what we expected him to be. In any case, these guys aren’t “there” yet. Regardless there is that one guy who will always say, “Let’s trade Adolfo for (insert- some-guy-here-who-is-actually-playing-MLB-ball) maybe throw in Rutherford for a proven arm.” It’s really the worst, as BeefLoaf has blogged about many times, why would a team give up something of value for something of little to no PROVEN value? You’d be hella pissed if the Sox did that, why would you expect any other team to do that? I know, it’s silly. Anywho, what do you get that guy?

Look no further than MY FUCKING BASEMENT! SoxFest 2017 or 2018 was LOADED with prospects! Like bobbleheads? I have a SIGNED Blake Rutherford that I traded something for back in the day. I’ll give you the best price. Or maybe a signed card? I have a few! And because that will be pretty cheap, why not throw in a Micker Adolfo signed ball? I have a couple. Just a great gift for the guy who still believes in these dudes. Act now and I’ll even toss in a Luis Basabe ball, not sure where that dude even is!

The Fan Who Says We Never Give Pitchers Big Deals

Back in the day, 2011 to be exact, our beloved Mark Buehrle left for Miami. We were left with a giant hole in our pitching staff. Also in 2011, another pitcher went 8-12 with a 4.33 ERA. HOWEVER, his career strikeout-to-walk ratio is 3:1, which is like, pretty good man. So the Sox did what the Sox do, they signed that guy to a 5 year / $65 MM extension. That guy went on to greatness for the Chicago Whit……..HA HA HA HA HA HA! No he didn’t. While beloved on the Southside, John Danks never really re-captured the form we saw in 2008-2010 and had his best season in 2014 going 11 and 11. Was John Danks the guy who ruined big contracts for every pitcher? Maybe….

So let’s remind that fan what happens when we bet big on pitchers with a John Danks Clinton Lumberkings Bobblehead!

Danks pitched with the LumberKings in 2004 a year after being drafted in the first round by the Texas Rangers. That season, he went 3–2 with a 2.17 ERA in 14 games, eight starts.

Clinton Lumberkings Website

That fan will appreciate the daily reminder of that one time we bet big and it blew up in our face. If you wanna sweeten the deal, why not toss in a Jordan Danks one too? Maybe you can set them next to each other and remember that time neither one of them called the paramedics when a guy fell off their roof, drunk. Fun memories with the Danks brothers.

Have any other ideas for annoying fans? Send them my way on the Twitter-verse. Hope you have a great holiday with you and your family. Be sure to stock up on your favorite Goose Island beer, it might snow and you’ll be trapped inside!

MSS

Remember, buy an Ugly #108Mas Sweater or Chorizy dies…..

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