I keep seeing people talk about having Ham for Thanksgiving. I’m not sure if this is a direct result of the WAR ON TURKEY or if it’s the bullshit Turkey shortages I see on the internet, but haven’t run into anyone actually experiencing in real life. Maybe it’s just an oversight on my part that our family never engaged in such despicable behavior.
In fact, I had never been at a Thanksgiving meal with a Ham until I got married. That’s right, my in-laws are a Ham on Thanksgiving family and as much as I love my in-laws and I’ve been visiting them on holidays for over 20 years, I just can’t get on board with this pagan ritual. I remember the first time we were cooking at home with them, me and my brother-in-law were outraged that they weren’t gonna have a Turkey (yea, solo Ham, incredible!) and were just gonna have a Ham that we put our proverbial feetsis down and enforced a Turkey ALSO law for these family get together.
Today, I’m on the Turkey with these family get togethers, because I refuse to deprive the next generation of a beautiful tradition of eating a whole Turkey just once a year and dipping it in store bought gravy. I have nothing personal against Ham, I just don’t need it showing up on Thanksgiving. You ain’t that close a relative Ham, so stay your ass away. Come through next week.
It’s a Slippery Slope
If you and I allow this wild change in our traditions and values, what is next? We gonna be carving Cantaloupe’s on Halloween? Oh, we’ll probably have some Proscuitto and Capicola on St. Patrick’s Day, right? What about Hot Dogs on Cinco de Mayo. Fucking chaos.
Let’s get our shit together friends and bring back Turkey on Thanksgiving!!