White Sox “Trades” with EVERY TEAM – NL Central Edition – 2022
A long time ago, I was listening to an interview with legendary poker professional Phil Ivey and the interviewer asked the question (paraphrasing) How would you recommend a player learning the game get better the fastest? Phil said something to the effect of (paraphrasing) Buy in to a game at much lower stakes than you would normally play, and then play every single hand for an hour. Try and figure out how you would play all of these different hands in different situations and positions that you are normally taught not to play in. In the spirit of that recommendation from an all-time great, Chorizy and I are once again going to undertake the exercise of making a White Sox trade with every team in the majors…..this is the NL Central Edition.
White Sox send: Jason Bilous, Caleb Freeman
White Sox receive: Codi Heuer
Rationale: They always say, “NO TRADEBACKS” but that is fucking bullshit. You knew I couldn’t quit Codi and the Cubs aren’t close to competing so why not give them a couple of guys that could be future reliever fodder to replace the single arm they got in July. Now I know you all still think I am mad at Codi for unfollowing me on twitter, and I am. But this gives us a chance to make things right. He can come back to the White Sox and re-follow me on twitter and get back on a closer track. Everything is going to be BEAUTIFUL just like before.
St. Louis Cardinals
White Sox send: Jose Rodriguez, Jake Burger, Dallas Keuchel, Craig Kimbrel
White Sox receive: Nolan Arenado
Rationale: The St. Louis Cardinals made the “TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” Nolan Arenado deal before the 2021 season, where they basically just took on Arenado’s substantial contract and gave away very little in prospect capital. Then they never spent another fucking dollar. You think the White Sox are a poverty franchise, meet the Cardinals!
I don’t think they are willing to give Arenado away, but a reasonable deal to move that money and I think you got a deal. Jose Rodriguez and Jake Burger should be enough prospect capital. Keuchel and Kimbrel just give the White Sox a 1 year discount on the roughly ~$180 million still owed to Nolan. There is also some Rockies money that comes through and we ain’t leaving that on the table either.
I know what yous are going to say. We already got Yoan Moncada, why are we grabbing Arenado. Well, Moncada is an athlete and we just solved our Right Field or Second Base hole with Moncada, who is a nice internal option now. If the other good teams move their top players to a position of need, so can the White Sox, convince him Tony!
White Sox send: Craig Kimbrel, Romy Gonzalez, Matt Foster
White Sox receive: Sonny Gray, Mike Moustakas, Amir Garrett
Rationale: With Wade Miley being too expensive to hold onto, the Reds seem to be in a weird position where they are looking to contend, but also lower their payroll. It may be that they want to start to promote some of the pitchers they have in the minors or they are looking to move some contracts to make other signings or both. The Reds fill their closer need and dump a good amount of salary. From the Sox side, I don’t know if Gray can give you 150 innings or Moose can play 2B or Amir Garrett can find the strike zone, but hey, let’s gamble.
White Sox send: Andrew Vaughn, Dallas Keuchel, Bryan Ramos
White Sox receive: Christian Yelich
Rationale: The only possible fucking way you even get a Christian Yelich is that he’s hovered near league average for 2 years (one of those years being the 60 game COVID season). He had COVID, he had some back problems and he’s hit too many groundballs lately and didn’t impact the ball as hard as he had in the prior couple campaigns, but don’t worry, we’ll get him a backeotomy.
The only reason Keuchel is in here is to soak up some money from Yelich’s deal, which is long and expensive. We’ll get the Brewers to throw in some bitcoin to soak up a little more. Jerry don’t know what bitcoin is, so maybe he’ll let the 108ers have a little taste.
White Sox send: Andrew Dalquist, McKinley Moore, Cristian Mena
White Sox receive: Jacob Stallings
Rationale: I think the Pirates will be poised to move Stallings with the projected $2.6M in his 2nd of 4 arb years, especially with the abundance of catching prospects they currently have. For the Sox, this means getting one of the best defensive catchers in the league. His ~.700 OPS is somehow an upgrade over their current options. In return, the Pirates get 3 arms that are a little ways from the bigs, but have some upside.
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