Bookies don’t really hate them…but we do

Chorizy and I have promised that we’ll talk more gambling in this blog and on our podcast going forward as gambling, especially on sporting events is becoming more mainstream (as it should be, it’s a fun outlet to have a couple tree bucks on a game). Today I’d like to quickly address the picture above. That is the grifting activity of SELLING PICKS. They are called Touts / Handicappers, etc. In gambling circles we call them Scam-dicappers. Below is a picture of Wayne Allyn Root. He’s one of them.

I can remember A LONG TIME ago, waking up on Saturday mornings and before college football would start here in the Midwest, you’d have these TV shows on with 900 numbers giving you their fucking picks on the days football action. They’d give you a couple tree freebies, but then you could call in to get their super fucking deluxe double never done before golden platinum can’t lose pick if you call in now. Barstool Big Cat has an online show that makes fun of these knuckleheads. It’s a great big grift. You should laugh anytime ANYONE tries to sell you a pick on a game for $$$. Not just to this goofball pictured above (Wayne Allyn Root or WAR as he’d call hisself), but anyone.

THREE REASONS WHY TOUTS ARE SCAMMERS

oNe – They never provide a full documented record of their betting. It is always little subsets of bets. If you bet a lot, do this for yourself, break up your bets at random, just pick them out of a fucking hat in groups of 5. I’d hazard a guess that you have a subset or two that is 5-0 or 4-1. Congratulations, you are now a TOUT and can go online and sell your SUPER DELUXE PREMIUM (make sure to identify it with a catchy name for better selling). You get the idea. Also, you can forget about the random subset that went 0-5 or 1-4, you won’t be selling those even though they happened too. Ez Pz.

TwO – They don’t use widely available lines. What is a Widely Available Line? It means that if they are selling you a pick and their record is dependent on the sale of that pick, it has to be at a price YOU could actually bet in the market place. If Wayne Allyn Root up there is selling you Bears +3.5 -110, but that price only existed for 4 minutes at SportsInteraction (an off-shore book) and the only price you can buy the Bears at is +3 -120, well you aren’t really betting the same thing and you wouldn’t expect to profit. One way to ACTUALLY WIN at sportsbetting is getting the price that only existed for 4 minutes. That’s what Chorizy and I used to do (still do sometimes)…it takes special skills (and increased risk tolerance) and we can’t really sell you a pick using them.

Don’t believe the BeefLoaf??? Ask Joe Ostrowski or Sam Panayotovich or other gambling voices you trust how good they could do if they were able to get a half point to a point better than the market all day. I’ll tell you this, if they could, they wouldn’t have media jobs no more, they’d be chillin’ in the Bahamas with Tupac.

TrEE – If the Handicapper did actually have the talent to beat major US sportsbetting markets at a 2-3% profit clip. They sure as fuck wouldn’t sell that to you for $50 a game or some bullshit, they’d be obscenely rich without letting you buy this from them. Let’s look see what happens to a $10,000 bankroll.

That’s right, a $10k bankroll, rolled over daily at 2% edge (which is A LOT lower than your average tout is claiming…….70% WINNARZ!!!! Bull. SHit.) becomes pretty substantial in 1 year. Yea, you’ll have to find 20k worth of good Joey Chestnut bets and probably some NASCAR in there, but you get the picture. If these handicappers were any good, they wouldn’t chase you around for $50 per pick. DON’T BUY PICKS!

Real Life Tout

In Michael Konik’s book “The Man with the $100,000 Breasts And Other Gambling Stories”, he talks with David James who went by “Harv Edwards” and “The Wiz Kid” in his 900 line scamdicapper days. The interesting thing is that David has no real sports knowledge, just a lot of marketing knowledge. And he lays out exactly what he did and how he did it. As the Wiz Kid, he countered the other touts’ claims of experience with saying he was the new kid that all the bookies hate, which implied he was some genius or computer wiz without ever saying it. Sound familiar? Sound like the click-bait shit at the bottom of articles you read now? Yeah, he was doing it in the ’90s and getting people to pay him to make picks. Well, not his picks exactly. His 4 year old son was the actual Wiz Kid. Yep, a 4 year old, who could not yet read, was making picks (actually went 56% against the spread the year they did this) and people were using those picks to make bets. On an average NFL weekend, there was an estimated $150k in bets riding on a 4 year old’s picks. Let that sink in for a minute.

-BeefLoaf and Chorizy-E

If you would like to listen to Konik’s book, you can get a free trial of Audible from your friends in the 108 and download it now: