12 days of 108Mas – Aunt Bethany Xmas

The 12 days of 108Mas blogs are a Chorizy-E creation. Each year he challenges us as a group to write a dozen blogs with holiday themes to replicate the 12 days of Christmas. I FUCKING LOVE THE CHALLENGE!! That’s what has birthed this blog, a bit of an exploration, I hope you enjoy it.

Aunt Bethany from Christmas Vacation

When I was working through a variety of ideas that I dream up while guzzling down red wine it really came to me. Why not do some gift ideas to the fine folks of White Sox twitter. Furthermore, why not take on a gambit from Christmas Vacation and copy ole Aunt Bethany. If you aren’t familiar with the movie (THEN WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, GO WATCH IT NOW!!!!) Clark Griswold (played by Chevy Chase) and Ellen Griswold (played by Beverly D’Angelo) invite their family to their home for Christmas. One of those guests is Aunt Bethany (played by Mae Questel). Aunt Bethany is one of the more senior guests and she is painted as poor and forgetful when it comes to Christmas. Included in her “gifts” provided to the family for Christmas is a box that contains her cat, wrapped up. Ellen then explains to family members that Aunt Bethany doesn’t have a lot of money so she wraps up things around the house and gives them as gifts.

That’s what I’ll do!! I’ll gift the members of White Sox twitter random things from around my house.

KING MAC

Between all of his Palka slander and his wild threats that he’s going to start his own podcast that is going to bring shit talking back to the Chicago Sports Talk arena, I wanted to give him this tiny Fisher Price basketball rim, so he could quite possibly dunk on the 108ers (this little rim is the only way).

MATT BERKLAN

Berk!!! I know you be out there running like you are Prefontaine or some shit, but we need to get you picking up heavy stuff. The 2021 season is right around the corner and if you plan to be spending lots of quality time in Lot B drinking with all of that crew, we needs to build up your stamina a bit.

PNOLES

Most of you will look at this book and think, meh, wtf is that? Actually this book is pretty rare in the Advantage Play community. How does the BeefLoaf actually have a fucking copy of it? Don’t ask. Anywho, since Pnoles is my poker buddy, he gets this book that discusses some more “Advanced Topics”.

Sam Panayotovich

These are two classic sports betting books. Much of the information in these books is pretty dated at this point, but they are still good books and referencing old material can often spawn ideas for new areas or maybe even areas that have been forgotten about.

Mimelife aka the Artist Formerly Known as Juan Uribe’s Cup

This is the marker I use to populate the white board with questions for the Sunday Soak. Your questions to close the show were always our favorites and forced us to think wildly outside the box. This is also the most phallic like present I have to give, so it’s clearly yours.

ALI WHITE SOX

Ali, these are my strength shoes, and since you have been under attack on and off, in this twitterverse, I figured I’d give you these to help you jump over and dunk on the haters.

WHITE SOX SAL

Altoids are my personal fave and since you talk the most shit on White Sox twitter they are yours.

KING NOMJOSH NELSONMATT RAMSEY

How the fuck on god’s green earth do I have three muthafuckin’ bullshit 49ers fan friends on White Sox twitter? You three assholes can share this Joe Montana starting lineup figure. Try not to hurt yourselves jerking each other off about it.

SENOR SOX

My brother in arms in McRib-land, you gonna need this. I know I do when it’s a December filled with pork-part sammies and bbq sauce.

MAILMAN JACK

This is a massage chair that Mrs. Beef got like 8 years ago, never really used and then put in our garage 6 years ago with promises that it would be sold at a garage sale. So obviously that’s going great! I’m worried about you Jack. You used to be indestructible, then you broke your fucking mitt and lately you’ve been complaining about some aches and pains. We can’t have our most famous mailman in White Sox twitter ailing, so hopefully you can use this chair.

POLISH W EXTRA ONIONS

This looks like a cool old pic of me, Chorizy and then in the Florida State t-shirt our oldest friend, Polish w Extra Onions, but really what it is, is a pic of when Polish was a fat fuck! (he’s no longer a fat fuck) I have this hanging in my house so I can laugh and laugh at his fat ass. Love you bro! Merry Christmas!!

WHOA!

JONNIE NONNIE

I got these at a game several years ago, it was a company event, so I ended up carrying around a couple tree other people’s Blackhawks cutting boards and low and behold, there they were in my basement. UNUSED. I don’t know if you cook Jonnie, but a nice way to start could be with these boards. Cut up some limes first for a margarita, just to be sure.

KENWO

I usually don’t give out smut for Christmas, but I know that KenWo probably won’t even need lotion to get the job done to this masterpiece.

LWILZ

If I know one person that would enjoy the fine artistic stylings of Bonita Steakie (back when she was 8 years old), it would be Lauren. If you do choose to make this into a Snark Buerhle shirt somewhere down the line, please give the artist a little shoutout.

MY SOX SUMMER

MSS, this is one of those vintage, original, exclusive, limited print, specialty Carbon Monoxide detectors. Surely you’ll be able to make this show up on This or That and get Chorizy to pick it over a Tony Rice Notre Dame bobblehead and he’ll be wrong.

-BeefLoaf

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