White Sox “Trades” with EVERY TEAM – AL Central Edition

A long time ago, I was listening to an interview with legendary poker professional Phil Ivey and the interviewer asked the question (paraphrasing) How would you recommend a player learning the game get better the fastest? Phil said something to the effect of (paraphrasing) Buy in to a game at much lower stakes than you would normally play, and then play every single hand for an hour. Try and figure out how you would play all of these different hands in different situations and positions that you are normally taught not to play in. In the spirit of that recommendation from an all-time great, Chorizy and I are going to undertake the exercise of making a White Sox trade with every team in the majors…..this is the AL Central Edition.

Minnesota Twins

108er: BeefLoaf
White Sox send: Zack Collins
White Sox receive: Willians Astudillo
Rationale: You know what, I don’t care much for Twins fans….there, I said it and I don’t think they deserve to have Willians Astudillo. The flowing locks, the grace….plus, all of you Madrigal fans, Astudillo makes just as much contact as Nicky Stix, but bundled up in a fun, flowing, pre-diabetic package. What’s not to love!! In return we give them one of our catchers that we have no intention of using. I can’t wait till Moncada is banged up and Astudillo plays 3b for a week and hits .560.

Cleveland Indians

108er: Chorizy-E
White Sox send: Jimmy Lambert, Bryce Bush, Matthew Thompson, Micker Adolfo
White Sox receive: Carlos Carrasco, Roberto Perez
Rationale: Let’s be honest, neither team has the balls to do something like this. And this definitely makes Cleveland worse. They would have to be really motivated to get the money off the books for these two guys. But if they did, the Sox would have a hell of top 3 to their rotation.

Kansas City Royals

108er: Chorizy-E
White Sox send: Reynaldo Lopez
White Sox receive: Danny Duffy
Rationale: Somehow Danny Duffy is both the highest paid and oldest player on the Royals roster. Neither seems possible and honestly, ReyLo feels like an overpay. I wanted to go after Merrifield, but judging by previous trade deadlines, Dayton Moore would want one more of my testicles than I’d be willing to give up. So Danny Duffy replace Reynaldo Lopez as our starter that should probably be a reliever and Reynaldo goes to KC and becomes an all-star closer.

Detroit Tigers

108er: BeefLoaf
White Sox send: Seby Zavala
White Sox receive: Miguel Cabrera (plus Cash to pay-off all but $5M per year remaining on his deal), T-shirt canon jeep and a Little Caesar’s Guy, which MySoxSummer was too cheap to acquire by tipping an extra $5 the last time he ordered
Rationale: Miggy looks like he’s finished the last several years, but maybe joining a good young talented team, and having Jose Abreu right there to kick him in the ass would allow Miggy to provide the old dead cat bounce to conclude his career. Also, since we traded Andrew Vaughn in like half of these other deals, DH is wide open. Wouldn’t it be cool if Miggy came here cheaply and became third trimester David Ortiz??