The White Sox have had a very nice off-season, one that I would grade an A for their position in the hierarchy of MLB teams, as well as the developmental paths of their various high end prospects. It is an off-season that MAKES SENSE. What is interesting to me is that after years of starving, us, as a fan base, we are treating basically a regular old cracker, as a Ritz cracker. I see long-time guys with irrational exuberance about the future of the 2020’s White Sox.
There is nothing damn wrong with getting excited for some shit, but right here and now, the analytical side of our brains is getting crushed and the emotional side of our brains is over-hyping the 2020’s White Sox. There, I said it, y’all calling a division victory even though the AL Central still has not 1, but 2 teams better than the White Sox. If I typed this into the 280 character box on twitter dot com yous would respond with vigor and expletives, shouting me down from the mountain tops. However, since you have entered my blog domain, I shall dole it out to you in the only way I know how, via a list of 5 things. I bring you the 5, 5 Things as Over-hyped as the 2020 White Sox.
“Pilsen is going to be the next up and coming neighborhood in Chicago.” Everyone reading this fucking blog has heard that goddamn statement, you know when I first heard it?? 1994, I was 16 years old and OJ Simpson was riding around in Ford Bronco’s with Al Cowlings, the VICTIM of decapitating his ex-wife and her lover, ALLEGEDLY. The NBA was missing Michael Jordan for a time because he needed to “play minor league baseball” and Boys II Men was the biggest music act in the world. Guess what, Pilsen still hasn’t, kinda, sorta, lived up to the hype. Yea, it’s cool and all now, but it’s still not even to the point that erryone and their loud mouth cousin was telling me back in the mid-90’s.
“It’s Just a DONUT!” exclaimed Johnny Sub from Yellow Submarine (a sub shop on Archer Avenue back in the day). It turns out he was right, but at the time everyone was craving those tiny, hot, gooey donuts. Krispy Kreme had the most hype of food product that I can remember, even bigger than the goddamn Popeye’s Chicken Sammie. Not to mention, you could wolf down a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts in a flash. It was like the cocaine of donuts. It was the best thing since sliced salami. But once again, we got our skis out in front of us and sooner or later, everyone went back to their neighborhood bakery’s for higher quality and better personal touch and Krispy Kreme was working hard to avoid bankruptcy. They are currently as innocuous as Cinnabon. Shit happens I guess.
Guns n Roses – Chinese Democracy
Remember Guns n Roses? They were like the biggest rock band in the world for a bit in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Then they went on a hiatus because Axl Rose is a fucking lunatic. They started recording the record that I mention above (which I have actually never heard) in 1997, and ended up eventually releasing it in 2008, after spending $15M on it and having like 3 dozen different people work on it in varying stages. The biggest rock band in the world was planning this hyped new album and they took a fucking decade to deliver it. This sounds like the Kansas City Royals of making records.
Most of you don’t remember the movie Showgirls, and for good reason, it was a steaming pile of manure. At the time though, this was being billed as the biggest motion picture ever to receive an NC-17 rating at the box office. Being 17 years old at the time and a curious young observer of world events, I figured it was my duty to go see this film of great public enthusiasm (I even snuck a 15 year old Chorizy into the theater, but that’s a story for another time). Anywho, this hyped move sucked balls, even to a 17 year old male that had “limited” expectations for its levels of goodness. I don’t think I saw one person leave the theater saying “That was a really good movie”. That person may exist, but they be lying.
Breathe Right Strips
Remember these fucking things? These were going to revolutionize breathing. You were going to get more air in your lungs just by affixing this band aid looking thing over your nose. FUCK YEA!! Athletes were using them, they were the biggest thing evar. I remember the first time I tried to put one on, I don’t think they made them in sizes to fit my camel nose. Anywho, I can’t remember the last time I saw a football player wearing one, I guess maybe they weren’t the NEXT BIG THING.
It’s okay to get excited about the hot new girl in Shalamar (even if it ends up being Micki Free), but remember to temper your actual expectations when looking at the 2020 White Sox and beyond until they give you a little more to increase those expectations.