We joke around a lot on twitter, in our blogs, on video (in the hot tub or otherwise) and most definitely at the ballpark. Right now, I want to get SERIOUS with you folks and explore something that has me a bit worried….something that is of potential danger to the 108ers. That’s right, our eventual demise in the BallPark, I bring you, The 5. The 5 Most Likely BallPark Deaths.
5 – Bobblehead exchange GONE WRONG
As Laurence Fishburne‘s character in the movie Deep Cover says “You deal in vice, you pay the price“, yep, that’s our guy MySoxSummer. He’s always got some sort of Bobblehead exchange or giveaway swap or deal going down. Sometimes a few sketchy ass mufuckas will roll up to the section looking sideways like they just robbed a 7-Eleven and they almost always sidle up to MySoxSummer to make the exchange happen. So far, nothing has gone wrong, but there is always that risk that a disgruntled third party will feel they are owed an additional $2 by MySoxSummer
and take matters into his (sorry ladies, I don’t see any of you doing one of these deals with MSS, so it’s gonna be a man) own hands. I bet security will be too busy hassling people going in and out of the Craft Cave to get there in time to save our boy.
4 – $1 Hot Dogs
Look, there are obviously risks to the $1 Hot Dog leaderboard, but I always considered them long-term type of risks, like hypertension, heart disease and various forms of digestive tract cancer. If we are being honest with ourselves, there are infinite short-term death risks to the contest. I’ll let your imagination determine the remaining risks.
3 – T-shirt toss
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but the 108 crew has gotten decidedly less athletic these 4 years we’ve been doing the blog. In fact, it wouldn’t shock me if I’m the only one that can still jump over a telephone book. With that being said, we still go after t-shirts that are tossed into our section as if they were a valuable game souvenir and not the thin piece of cotton that is 8 sizes too small to slink onto our girlish figures that it is. I can practically guarantee a femur fracture from this fracas.
2 – Southpaw
The 108ers mostly get along with everyone in and around the White Sox organization, well other than possibly our most boisterous member. We also tend to play nice with both White Sox fans and fans of other teams, which leaves really only one ballpark entity that might consider us on their shitlist. SOUTHPAW. You might remember an investigative reportthat was filed by a 108er. You might also remember Southpaw’s first round exit in the #108Tourney……if you don’t, Southpaw sure as fuck does. I hope we can get back to a simpler time with ole Southpaw, but I’m not confident in that, especially considering the inherent fear in the eyes of Lil Miss Shortstop every time she gets within’ smelling distance of Southpaw.
1 – Drowning
Our friendship / partnership with Goose Island is pretty well documented. They are excellent neighbors, whom we have gotten along with fabulously in spite of them throwing up condos and trying to gentrify next to Section 108.
There is however one hazard which might cause us some harm (and when I say us, I’m talking about Chorizy). The moat. Yes, there is stream of pi….water right next to us and I am damn worried about Chorizy’s lack of buoyancy, especially when he’s intoxicated. I have heard you could drown in 2 inches of water and although that’s probably only in extreme cases of intoxication and unconsciousness.
I think he’s at risk.
Pending his potential demise, I think we’ll have a handsome lawsuit on our hands. If that happens, then these guys will be able to seek rent on the backs of your fandom.
About a decade ago, there was a Tumblr account called pornhubcommentsonstockphotos. It was exactly what it sounds like. They took stock photos from the internet and applied a comment from pornhub. The result was, in my opinion, hilarious. I thought about one of these the other day, laughed to myself, and then decided to see…