HomeBullshit12 Days of #108Mas: Worst Dad in Christmas Movies
12 Days of #108Mas: Worst Dad in Christmas Movies
December 13, 2018
If there is one thing Christmas movies are jammed pack with, it’s horrible dads. For example, Peter McCallister leaves his 8 year old son at home while he goes off on a trip. And then, when he realizes the shit, he doesn’t just go back by himself and take care of it. But he’s not the worst. The worst is Rand Peltzer from Gremlins.
I just rewatched the movie to make sure I wasn’t giving him a bad rap. I did not remember the very beginning of the movie. The movie starts with Rand walking our of a dark alley with a young Asian boy. They don’t explain how he met this kid or what he was doing in an alley with him. That shit is simply skipped over, and then he follows the kid to some underground store that his grandfather runs.
Rand goes into the store to try and sell one of his shitty inventions, which I’ll get to soon, but is quickly distracted. I think this is where I should mention that Judge Reinhold is in this movie, and it’s probable that he beats it to Phoebe Cates in this movie too, but that’s not shown. What he does say, however, is that Billy Peltzer is basically supporting the family. So this jackass makes it seem like he’s buying this Mogwai for his son, but he’s actually just throwing around $200 of his son’s cash like it’s fucking nothing. Not to mention, he sees a creature that he’s never seen before and determines this to be an incredible present. Even more confusing is that they show him talk to the kid for 5 seconds outside the shop at night. He doesn’t get home til sometime later the next day and knows way more about the Mogwai and has named it. What the hell are him and that kid up to?
Just a quick sidebar here. His inventions are all awful. Not only that, they’re just awful versions of existing inventions, like juicers and coffee makers. Homer Simpson’s make-up shotgun is a better invention than his goddamn bathroom buddy or egg cracker or card dealer. This guy is just the worst.
The Rest of the Movie
So he shows up with this weird ass creature, with weird ass rules and then he just hands the shit off and peaces out. It’s incredibly irresponsible. Like levels beyond my imagination. And then you only hear from him a few times. But at one point, he’s on his way home and might actually make it in time to do something. Instead, he convinces a gas station worker to buy his bullshit ashtray. I’m sure that fucking thing paid for his whole expensive ass trip. So now, he shows up just in time to do absolutely nothing after his son saves the day.
The old guy resurfaces and Billy finds out that his dad basically stole the Mogwai. Just a fantastic cherry on top of this loser sundae. Of course, he gives the guy an ashtray for his troubles, which is apparently his highest selling product: 1 sale.
About The Author
Section 108 Row 13, Bassist for Barren Plains, Acclaimed drunkard