Yes, this is a post about Marvel super heroes as baseball players. Did you get the pun?! If you didn’t like it, you might as well stop reading now because this is some total nerd shit. But hey, I’m comfortable with that.
First off, I’m sticking to the movies here. I don’t have the comic book knowledge to lay down an entire league of players. And as much as I’d love to have a blind short stop, I’m gonna leave the TV shows out as well.
For my outfield, I’m gonna have War Machine and Iron Man in the corners and the Vision in centerfield. Look, these guys can fly. I don’t mean they’re fast, but they actually fly. This seems seriously advantageous in the outfield. I mean, look at the money Gary Matthews Jr got for that one amazing catch. These guys would have caught that Glen Allen Hill HR that almost knocked down a building in Wrigleyville. Not to mention, if you try to run on the Vision, he could just vaporize you with a laser from his head.
This is also the middle of my order. I’m going with Hulk and Thor at the corners. They showed their ability to club shit in Ragnarok. Not to mention, they were tossing around a bowling ball, so I figure a baseball is nothing to toss across the diamond. We’re gonna have to put Hulk at the hot corner so he can get some balls pelted at him and keep him mad. We have no use for Bruce Banner on this team.
Baseball is the game that lends best to individual players and their talent, but the middle infield needs to work well together and needs to know what each other is going to do. So I’m not going with mutant strength or power here, I’m going Hawkeye and Black Widow. If you think Javy Baez has slick moves, wait’ll you see Black Widow out there. Best is, you won’t even be ashamed about how turned on you get by watching her like you do with Baez. We’ll put Black Widow at second base, so she’s a bit separated from Hulk. Again, we have no use for Bruce Banner on this team, so let’s not tempt fate.
From the looks of it, he accidentally put his shin guards on his arms in the Avengers trailer. But we’ll get that sorted out for Captain America. Look, the captain of the team is probably gonna be the catcher that’s been around for a good 90 years or so. He’ll impart his wisdom on the young kids and block the shit out of that plate.
Winter Soldier is the ace of the staff. I mean, the guy has a metal arm that can stop bullets. I’m pretty sure he can throw hard as fuck. Not to mention, he’s kind of a bad guy, so he’ll have no problem backing you off the plate. Black Panther is in the staff, with that vibranium suit and those claws, he can scuff the ball like no other and you know I am all for that. Ant Man is next, mainly because he can throw one of those chips at the ball and make it gigantic so it just disintegrates bats. Spider Man is already spitting webs like Peter North, so why not do the same with baseballs. Scarlet Witch is the 5, but if you actually hit the ball off of her, she’ll just stop it in mid air and send it right back in your face.
This is pretty easy. If you need to guard a lead, you might as well get the weirdos you trust with the whole galaxy.
Dr Strange is the perfect closer. First off, he has magical stuff. Second, you know you wish your team had a closer that wore a cape. Third, even if he gives up a game winner, he can just turn back time and try again. Last, he can do that beer trick.
And obviously, Stan Lee owns the team.
About The Author
Section 108 Row 13, Bassist for Barren Plains, Acclaimed drunkard