HomeBullshitCurrent Events with Chorizy-E – NFL Kneels for Anthem
Current Events with Chorizy-E – NFL Kneels for Anthem
November 5, 2017
You’ve already decided if you’re for or against this protest, so I am not going to try to sway you either way. Instead, I would like to talk about a very positive effect of this protest. People have stopped eating Papa John’s.
Now trust me, I am no pizza snob and I have eaten my fair share as well as your fair share of shitty pizza in my day. You don’t get a voluptuous body like mine without crushing a Little Caesars pepperoni pizza every now and then (or once a week for the past 25 years) But here is where I have a problem with Papa John, he’s not honest about what the pizza is.
We all know what Little Caesars is and they embrace it. Little Caesars is the guy or girl at the end of the bar who ain’t great to look at but is wearing a belt buckle that says Open for Business. You go over there buy a couple of PBRs and next thing you know, it’s Vito and the Security Guard in the parking lot. You knew what you were getting into and everybody is fine with it.
Papa John’s on the other hand is the person that sits in the darkest corner of the bar and waits for some very over-served person to wander into their poorly lit lair. Next thing you know, you’re stumbling out and your friends are going “are you sure about this?” Then you wake up and you’re laying next to Ronnie Woo Woo. I mean, Papa John is over there talking about how fresh his ingredients are in his commercial and at the same time it costs like 12 cents to make one of his pizzas. Who the fuck is his distributor, Bob Sacamano? Papa John, just be honest with us, you make a cheap gross pizza but we should eat it because it costs less than a happy meal. While you’re at it, admit that you and Peyton Manning were married in a beautiful ceremony at Marvin Harrison’s bar.
But really, the best thing about all of this is that people upset about black players protesting for racial equality have decided to boycott Papa John’s; effectively hurting a super-rich white guy.
About The Author
Section 108 Row 13, Bassist for Barren Plains, Acclaimed drunkard