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Nicky “Steaks” Delmonico
August 18, 2017
Good day friends, it is your buddy BeefLoaf, fresh off of the Sunday Soak and plowing into a week of WhiteSox baseball, I thought I would come back at you to expound on a point that was discussed in the Sunday Soak and that a lot of you out there have been tweeting at us about over the last week or so………”What Say You, about Nicky “Steaks” Delmonico?“
For those living under a rock the last few weeks, Steaks has been getting on base at an epic clip (.431 through Thursday) with a combination of selectiveness at the plate, spraying line drives all over the field and occasionally dropping down a well placed bunt against the shift (our personal favorite in the 108). According to most outlets that cover such things, Steaks was not even a top 30 prospect in the White Sox system. According to the fine folks at SouthSideSox his 3b defense is an atrocity, which is why we haven’t seen him log time at 3b with Matt Davidson injured. Regardless, watching his approach and results these last few weeks, it has more then a few of you wondering (including the 108ers) wtf gone happen when the White Sox are good, to good ole Steaks? I see a few scenarios…….
The Bad – Ground Chuck
A lot of palookas have had a couple of good weeks in the show, I bet even Crash Davis‘ cup of coffee was a lot of fun until reality came crashing down to earth (and thats when he became the wise old sage to young AA bumblefucks). I bet one of the people that like to fuck with Play Index at BRef or like to jiggle the wares at Fangraphs could find tons of quad A players that have had two stellar weeks in a warm August and were never heard from again (Kevin Mass RIPInPeace). I am not saying this is definitively what happens, but the goddamn stars had to align for ole Nicky to get a shot to play everyday. Think about it. The White Sox had to gut their original team, by trading Melky, having Jacob May turn into a pumpkin to start the year, etc. Then, he needed Yoan Moncada to break Willy Garcia‘s fucking jaw, just to get called up. Think about that, in a non-contact sport one man had to crush another man’s mandible just to get a third man some playing time. Unreal. Anywho, this isn’t all bad, its just the worst scenario of the group. Ground Chuck can be quite tasty, but you wouldn’t really be hoping that the piece of meat you are bringing to the majors becomes Ground Chuck. I mean, hamburgers are delicious, but you really aren’t waiting to find the most delicious hamburger! (No, I haven’t been to Au Cheval, so don’t @ me, also, who waits in line for 2 hours for a fucking hamburger? Unless you are going to watch the cattle get loaded into the abattoir as part of the experience, aka, foreplay, then maybe that kind of wait is worth your time, but I dunno). We might someday look back from a couple of back to back White Sox playoff appearances and someone on twitter will throw up an “obscure White Sox players thread” and one of the 108ers will toss out a picture of Ground Chuck and politely tip their cap at the end of summer that was the Nicky Delmonico era.
The Reasonable – Top Sirloin
The most likely outcome, in this uneducated (and probably slightly inebriated, even though it is 7:26am on a Friday morning,…..again, don’t @ me) reviewers opinion is that ole Nicky Delmonico becomes a bit player on the next good White Sox team. That will either come in the form of the 25th man as the left handed hitting bench option late in games, with the occasional start against a tough righty when you are sitting one of your regular starters or from biding his time at Charlotte until the Sox have an injury in which he comes up and fills in full-time during those periods to help the Sox generate offense. This outcome isn’t exciting, but its very useful. Think about it, you are at a barbecue, possibly of a family member and they say they have some steaks on the grill. You look over and it’s Top Sirloin…..you aren’t necessarily THRILLED, but you know that if you have a little mushroom and some grilled onions, that Top Sirloin is going to do the job just fine. You’ll wash it down with a couple of ice cold beers (preferably from our pals over at Baderbrau) and it will really hit the spot. This is the Nicky Delmonico outcome that would seems likelieriest! Hell, he’ll probably even win a big game for you. In fact ChiFanSam @ChiFanOne on the twitter machine even mentioned to us that he could be the Geoff Blum of the next great White Sox team. That seems totally plausible….I’m not sure who the Juan Uribe is on this team, but hopefully he’ll walk away with at least one story that good.
The ZOMG I hope this fuggin happens – Wagyu Long Bone (Ribeye)
This the Nicky Delmonico that we are all hoping for….what would be better than getting a good everyday hitter out of the back of your prospect group. In this scenario, Nicky Delmonico has some career numbers that look a little bit like Seth Smith (career good getter on base guy against RHP), but with some fun peak years. He might have a year that looks a lot like Wimpy aka Tom Paciorek‘s 1983 season with our Winnin’ Ugly White Sox……..I’m thinking his good seasons would look a lot like Nick Markakis‘ prime years. That’s a very valuable player even if he has no defensive value. Those are pretty looking seasons too, with lots of line drives, tons of walks, runs scored and less than average strikeouts. Those are the types of seasons that allows a man of Nicky Delmonico’s level of handsomeness to never buy a meal in Chicago again. Those are dreamy seasons, whether it be from the visual or statistical point of you. Just like that Wagyu Long Bone. You see it on the menu, and you see that big price point and you just know its going to be excellent. When it arrives at your table, SIZZLIN’, you are not only in awe of the smells and sites of the meat, but you feel like Fred Flintstone eating a goddamn brontosaurus steak with that gigantic bone sticking outta the cut of meat. Then, you get to the brass tax of it and the steak just melts in your mouth. That’s prime Nicky Delmonico in his best seasons, he just melts in your mouth (well, except for his defense, you don’t really want to look at that, its pretty much the same as walking through the kitchen of the restaurant when they didn’t think the health inspector would show up for a visit…yea, not good).
Anybody else hungry?