Hey there everybody! It’s your favorite 108’er, MySoxSummer. Yep, your favorite. I know I haven’t been writing alot in 2020, but 2020 fucking sucks. And honestly, just keeping myself from drinking entire bottles of whiskey takes up most of my time. Which, as a stay at home dad, takes top spot as far as priority. Anyways….
As it’s getting colder (and this pandemic rages on like a bullshit hangover), me and the girls have less and less time to spend outside. We find ourselves watching more and more movies in the afternoon. Not sure if you guys have seen the Toy Story movies, but they are pretty awesome. My girls really like the series, all the characters. You got Woody. Buzz. Jessie. T Rex. All them assholes.
Every so often, I sit down and watch the movie with them. The little one will get scared from time to time and will come to me and say “Hold me” over and over until I just do it. Recently we were watching Toy Story 2, which introduces Jesse and Bullseye to the crew. If you haven’t seen it, Woody finds out he is a valuable collectable and his friends (Buzz mostly) have to remind him that he’s a toy. It’s pretty great, pulls some heart strings (especially Jesse getting donated) but one thing really stood out to me. The portrayal of the evil “Toy Collector”!
That’s Al McWhiggin, from Al’s Toy Barn. Bald. Looks scuzzy. Voiced by Wayne Knight, yep, the fat guy who played Newman. This motherfucker steals Woody from a garage sale cause he knows he can make a bunch of money on the resale. He completes the Woody’s Round Up toy set and is going to sell it all to a museum in Japan. Now, I have seen this movie a few times, and we have the book, but I never really took it too personal. Yes, there are some assholes in the resale game, but for the most part we are buying stuff that no one wants anymore or has donated. I haven’t stolen any toys from the kids or moms, and my wife will be the first to tell you that most times I give the people extra money. Why? Karma.
So yeah, Al is a big douche. He runs a toy store, so you know he hates kids. He ends up losing all the toys he was gonna sell and get’s really bummed. Again, karma. It is what it is. Fuck Al.
Well just last week, my oldest was looking at stuff on Disney+ and what’s that? Oh a new Toy Story Halloween Special? LET’S FUCKING WATCH IT!
Now listen, if you haven’t seen Toy Story 3, I don’t wanna ruin anything for ya, but Andy gives his toys to Bonnie, a kid that seems cool as hell. Great imagination, seemingly a great toy owner. The premise here is the toys are on a road trip with Bonnie and her mom when they get a flat. They need to stay the night in hotel before the tire can get fixed the following day (and seriously, WTF? I just got a flat fixed up on Morgan street and it took 15 minutes). So the toys go out to explore and in true Halloween fashion, they get picked off 1 by 1. And who’s the bad guy? A FUCKING RESELLER! RON!
This son of a bitch has even trained his iguana (Mr. Jones) to STEAL TOYS FROM THE ROOMS.
Now I am watching this special with new interest since they are basically trashing what I do for a living. AND wouldn’t you know it, Ron is selling the stolen toys online (eBid). Yep, them fuckers from Toy Story are starting to hit me where it hurts, right in front of my daughters!
While Ron is listing on these toys on eBid, my daughter (no shit) turns to me and says “Isn’t that what you do dad?” YOU ASSHOLES! I had finally convinced my daughter that we were doing a good thing for the toys at the sales and stores since we were rescuing them and placing them with owners that would love them again! But now I gotta deal with this BULLSHIT? Are you fucking kidding me?
I don’t wanna ruin it, but in true Toy Story fashion, none of the toys get sent to new owners and Bonnie is reunited with all her toys. Bonnie’s mom calls the cops, and old Ron get’s arrested. Yup, another villain toy reseller is off the street! Way to fucking go!
Listen you Toy Story bastards, leave me and my side hustle alone. I am not a thieving scumbag, I am just a dad who spends his free time looking through tons of junk to find a few good things out “in the wild”. I don’t score great stuff at every stop, it’s a grind. AND in this new economy, there are tons of folks out there doing the resale game, so I gotta be on point!
In conclusion, stop trying to shame my game Toy Story! My daughters are starting to ask questions I don’t think I need to be answering. I love the humor in your movies and specials, but I don’t wanna watch all the slander you throw at us resellers. We provide a service to collectors and do our part to save pieces of history from ending up in the dump. You’re fucking welcome assholes.