Imagine……A White Sox Network……..

The ALL White Sox network – sort of like UHF

Now that the offseason is upon us, I have been having these weird day dreams that revolve around the White Sox…………I know, I know, well, I have also been having day dreams about Ashley Alexiss, but those aren’t for sharing here.  Anywho, I was imagining our White Sox as the organization I’ve always hoped the could be, with a full stocked farm system, young controllable talent, with a few wise veterans sprinkled in, a perennial playoff team with a projectable good future team…………..then I thought, FUCK YEA!!  We could be like the Yankees, what do the Yankees have that the White Sox don’t have Steinbrenners, Cool Jerseys, tons of HOF’s………….I got it!!!  A TV network…….now, I know, nobody watches TV anymore, everyone has Hulu Hoop, Amazon Prime Zone or NetFlicks or whatever the fk, but you could watch the White Sox TV network everywhere………….so I came up with some programming (besides re-runs of White Sox games and the Chuck Garfien show).

Cookin’ with Coop

It’s so obvious, it should already be happening………..Coop is just as fucking miserable as these celebrity chefs you see on TV, but without the chops…….I mean the guy had diverticulitis, which is basically a disease that causes you to die from eating popcorn or some shit.  Imagine how much damage you have to do to your colon to contract such a disease………makes people who contract type 2 diabetes seem like pussies.  Regardless, I imagine him cooking up delicacies like corn dogs, smores and frozen pizza………how fun would that be?

Rich Renteria and Los Cuckarachas (mariachi band)

I keep hearing he’s a manager of men, what about professional mariachi band playing men.  I’m not sure if Rich plays an instrument, but I couldn’t help but put some music on this channel………now I know, most of the current White Sox fan base (die hards) are southside hillbillies that like the excrement that passes for country music these days, but there are some of us that might like a nearer southside influence and dig into some jams of a different culture.

White Sox Intervention w/ Bobby Jenks

Now, I know, I know, Bobby has had his problems in the past, but he’s coming back as the host (mainly, we’ll bring in Mike Caruso to sub for him when he’s “OUT”)…………anywho, this is “White Sox” Intervention………..Bobby will counsel fans and former teammates on their White Sox addictions, episodes might include…….

• – Intervention with Hawk Harrelson to help him realize that AJ Pierzynski is NOT his son

• – Intervention with @Bonderman92 to get him off of wanting the White Sox to sign Billy Butler in free agency

• – Intervention with @NotRickHahn to get him to finally DFA Avi Garcia

The Guillen’s

This is more of family show………I don’t really need an Ozzie (Montana) Guillen show………..I like Ozzie, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t understand a fucking word he says (and I’m hispanic), and that usually makes for bad TV.  The antics of his children would be the real star here.  We can continue to watch Ozzie Jr. waist band continue to expand and his hairline run backwards.  Maybe Oney’s girlfriend will smack someone for some reason. Possibly the struggle of Ozney toilling away in the Frontier League for some unknown reason when his family clearly has enough money and connections to get him a real job so he can get on with his life.  Harold Baines will probably stop by and say nothing of consequence and sprinkles of Joey Cora will likely be mixed it.  Mmmmm.

This Old Scrap of Wood starring Ron Kittle

Kitty will come into your home weekly to show you the amazing benches he’s making and how you can buy them from him.  He’ll also smoke cigars, drink and eat like a water buffalo.  Think Bob Villa if he had hit 50 bombs at Edmonton in 1982.  There will likely be guest appearances from other former players who will also drink and smoke cigars.  It’ll be a hoot.

The Ed Farmer Name Dropper Hour

Much like a good interview with Farmio, this will be him, with a co-host (probably Chris Rongey, he’ll need a job by then), spinning yarn and telling us about everyone he “knows”, like the Bush family.  He’ll tell stories about golfing, watching baseball and his bromance with Darrin Jackson.  He’ll probably talk Notre Dame and St. Rita athletics, as if anyone gives a fk, but still.  And because it’s TV, you’ll get to see that beautiful patch of lettuce atop his dome, as well as his, if not handsome, distinguished mug.

Have an idea for a show on the White Sox TV Network, shoot us a tweet or respond on facebook……..we follow back, and only stalk if we think you have enough cheddar to afford to buy us beer at the G-Spot.

– BeefLoaf