10 MSS Approved “F*CK-JAMS” For Bologna

Sometimes on the great bird app, a great blog idea will come up in a tweet. And that’s exactly what happened when I did my live tweet review of the new RHCP album. Bologna from @chisportsbums tweeted this –

Fucking goddamn @peterfonseca is always coming up with great ideas. As you can see from his header, this isn’t the first time.

I figure it’s my duty to bring yous 10 of my favorite Fuck-Jams. You can bone all night long to any of these tracks. Or make a playlist and surprise your lover! It’ll be great! But let’s get to the money shot(s)…

1. Closer – NIN

If there was a basic bitch fuck-jam, this would be it. Everyone knows this song and knows it is meant for boning. “I wanna fuck you like an animal” just comes off more sexy than the Bloodhound Gang singing “So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”. Cause that might make you laugh and no one needs laughs when you are in pound town.

2. Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye

Also, very basic bitch…but very effective! Hearing that opening guitar riff makes the pants come off! Believe you me, if ya need a not so subtle hint to your guy or girl that you wanna bone, just ask Alexa to play this jam.

3. Sir Psycho Sexy – RHCP

If you’ve never heard this song before, give it a listen only when you have the time to “get down to business”. This song IS the RHCP. This is their vibe and their signature sound. It is also the horniest song ever recorded. Thems just facts.

4. You Can Do It – Ice Cube

Even though it’s associated with the sub-par “Next Friday” movie, don’t let that stop you from putting this on when you are ready to get ready. Great beat. Great lyrics. Pure sex. Ice Cube wrote a classic song that has no doubt played a role in many conceptions.

5. Wicked Game – Chris Isaack

Chris Isaak played some great tunes, but he also made GREAT videos. He was so brilliant that he casted pretty models to be in the videos with him. The best of those videos and songs was Wicked Game. The song was also immortalized in the film Wild At Heart (which is also a pure sex feature film) and Chris Isaak was so loved by David Lynch he even got a role in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. A classic bone-in song.

6. Song 2 – Blur

A great choice when you are about half way done…

7. Midnite Vultures – Beck

Back in the day I saw Beck at ISU (Redbirds). It was post Odelay! He was awesome, but he also yelled “Give it up for the the slow jam!” about 700 times that night. So when this record came out in 1999 it was no shocker that it was an entire fuck jam record. I picked Debra as the go to, but any of these songs are pretty dope to bone to.

8. Thursday – Morphine

Saxophone = Good sex.

9. No Diggity – Blackstreet

By no means average
She’s on when she’s got to have it
Baby, you’re a perfect ten, I wanna get in
Can I get down so I can win?

10. I’ll Make Love To You – Boyz II Men

Just a great, timeless, fuck-jam from the best damn boy band ever.

And there you have it, my top 10 fuck-jams. Have fun, and if you make a baby to any of these songs, free 108 sweatshirt for your lady!


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