The 5 – Robots I want to be umpires

Triple A Baseball will have robot umps behind home plate this year. Since baseball is testing this out, I think they should test some different robots out. Here are the five I’d like to see in AAA this year.

5. Dot Matrix

This spot was originally gonna go to C3PO, but there are a few reasons I passed on him:

  1. He ain’t shit without R2D2 and this is a one robot job
  2. He refuses to translate Sith
  3. Disney is gonna charge way more than a regular ump salary

So we get Dot Matrix, which is actually awesome. She’s incredibly smart, she’s not gonna take crap from anyone, she’s got a sense of humor, and is willing to travel in a Winnebago.

4. Johnny 5

In case you were wondering, yes Johnny 5 is still alive. And while it’s a super lovable, hilarious little robot. Short Circuit 2 taught us that you really don’t want to cross it. One of the higher player death probabilities on my list.

3. B9 aka The Robot

This robot may be old, but don’t underestimate its big ass Slinky arms. It was able to keep young Will Robinson out of the clutches of a pedophile for years, so I think it can call balls and strikes.

2. T-1000

Extremely high death count with this one, but the technology is insanely futuristic. You get the good with the bad, I guess. The additional plus here is that it can look like anything you want, including Joe West.

strike 1

1. Bender

You’re damn right the robot from Tijuana is my number one pick! It’s tough enough to find a good robot ump, but one that excels at #108ing is an absolute gem. No doubt in my mind, he’d do a great job, as well as be willing to throw a World Series for the right price. My kind of robot.

Honorable Mention

Johnny Cab will be driving the bullpen car at all MLB stadiums as part of the new CBA


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