HomeBullshit12 Days of #108Mas: Who should play Mrs. Claus NEXT on the Big Screen?
12 Days of #108Mas: Who should play Mrs. Claus NEXT on the Big Screen?
December 22, 2021
This Xmas season I am trying to pay better attention to detail. Try and look past the normal glitz and glamour of the season and notice some things that I don’t generally notice. In the spirit of that I got to thinking about Mrs. Claus. We don’t pay much mind to Mrs. Claus as a populace. It’s a bit embarrassing if you ask me. A married couple is a partnership….so is an unmarried couple or basically any union whether or not it is a legal contract. The fact that we don’t even give a fucking moments thought to Mrs. Claus is pretty horrible.
I am taking it upon myself to think deeply (at least for the next few hundred words) on who I would like to see make Mrs. Claus really show out on the Big Screen, the next time the opportunity arises. A few caveats.
I need a woman that is sultry and soulful. This character needs to pop. They need to have an attitude about them, but also be sexy and loving. This woman also needs to be over 50. Santa is a jolly old fat man and Mrs. Santa is going to be age appropriate, or at least close to it. Look, you came here for a fucking GILF blog, and you are getting a fucking GILF blog, so go grab your Werther’s Original and try to make it all the way through the entire blog.
You are goddamn right Stiffler’s mom is on this list. Look, she’s got sex appeal, she’s got attitude, but she’s also fun. Coolidge is 60 years old, so she’s age appropriate and I think she’d be a welcome fucking addition to the next film that tries to do Santa, but pushes Mrs. Claus to the background. That ain’t happening here. She’ll steal the show.
Full disclosure, when this idea popped into my head, Loretta Devine was the first person I thought of to play Mrs. Claus. She can play very serious roles, she’s sexy and nurturing, but also tough. Loretta is 72 years old, so not only is she age appropriate to play Mrs. Claus, she’s a goddamn cheat code. Who looks that damn good at 72!?!?! Incredible. She’d be my #1 choice outta this group if I were casting tomorrow and I wouldn’t even make her work opposite of Tim Allen or Jim Belushi.
I originally thought about Maria Conchita Alonso for this spot because I had just seen the Running Man, but decided against it as I felt we needed a more recognizable person for the newer generation (look, you and I have seen the movie Colors, but most of the 24 year olds reading this blog haven’t). So I ended up choosing Hayek. She’d be great playing Mrs. Claus! She’s 55 years old, which seems impossible, not only because there’s no way she looks 55, but also because it makes me feel old af.
Got some thoughts on who could really make a Big Screen role of Mrs. Claus pop and become the star that role was always destined to be, holler at me on the Twitters.
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