As you know I am a frequent visitor of FromThe108.com, especially the From the 108 archives. I have recently found an article from August of 2018 that states From the 108 is looking for an intern. I would like to express my interest in taking the three of you up on this opportunity, so let us review each checkpoint from the article and see how I am very qualified to work with you.
Looking at the article, the two qualifications are:
Being able to be around grown men who do not smell okay.
This spot is in my expertise. From August 2018 to January 2019, I had a different internship opportunity at the Hole in the Wall Men’s Club in Galesburg, IL. My daily tasks included massage oil supplying, gimp suit sanitation, and fluffing (the pillows that is). As you can imagine, many grown men of all kinds of smells showed up to the gentlemen’s club. However, all my tireless hours of retrieving and handling the supplies of massage oil, it was guaranteed that I would end up picking up the scent of lavender, wild orchid, tea tree, or even sandalwood. I was the finest smelling gentlemen in the building at any given time.
Now that my qualifications are set, let us dive into the responsibilities of being a 108 intern and how I am your man to fulfill these duties.
The first listed responsibility is the easiest to do: Retweet all tweets with #108ing. The next task is one you may have to modify: Having me do beer runs from the Revolution tap room for the 108 guys. This would be a difficult task, not because I am 19, but because you would have to make sure to say two more beers than you want to ensure you get the correct number in case somebody *cough* happens to down a couple on the walk from LF to RF.
Most of these responsibilities are easy money for me. I can read the Sox 50/50 tickets off for you (I’m assuming because MSS is illiterate) and help make an official From the 108 Snapchat account.
I will make sure MySoxSummer stays as relaxed as possible during the games. I still have my old boss Winston on speed dial for some Uncle Bud’s massage oil in case MSS gets too tense in the 9th inning, although with Alex Colome no longer the closer he should not have any issues. I can also shave his back as you have mentioned. Back shaving is another skill I picked up in Galesburg. To calm Mr. Summer during innings 1-8, anyone who participates in the wave will have to deal with Cruz Candelaria, my alter ego.
Tasks such as cleaning the Sunday Soak hot tub and musking up our friend Wally Money will be muscle memory for me (Galesburg 😉). You will have no worries with the Hugh Hefner of the 108, Gabe, as I already have a game under my belt where I made sure his gal pals were not causing too much of a ruckus in the entire outfield seats.
I believe I would make a great 108 intern, and I am certainly the most qualified to do the specific tasks you three fine gentlemen have requested. This would be an excellent opportunity, not only because I get to 108 on the job and steal some of Gabe’s ladies for myself, but I can add this experience towards some credit at Parkland College. Please consider me for this exquisite opportunity.