My dog Morton is a FUCKING HERO!!!

Good day friends, it’s your old pal BeefLoaf and I must brag for once on one of my family members…..perhaps one of my most twitter famous family members and that’s my dog Morton.

Now, in general, I am not one to brag about my family. I didn’t once brag on Bonita Steakie this year when she dominated the 2nd half of our basketball teams’ only win this season to secure the victory or when she made the all-star team. I never brag when Mrs. BeefLoaf closes a big client for her business or gets invited to speak at an event as a local industry leader. Nope. I never really say shit, despite how proud I am of them. But this Morton shit, I gots to share…..

You see, my dog Morton, whom some of you in the reading audience have met in the past and others have just viewed his twitter pictures from afar would not be considered, what you would call “intelligent” by most measures. In fact, despite his extremely pleasant disposition to humans at large and his ability to snuggle with just about anyone that spends more than 5 minutes on the BeefDeck, Bonita Steakie and I frequently make fun of him for his lack of brain power. He’s fooled by nearly every trick in the book when playing fetch. He doesn’t seem to have any ability to detect our two cats waiting for him around the corner to pummel him (13 lb dogs lose fights to 18 lb cats, ldo). He can’t catch food thrown to him, he lets it hit him in his dumb face. Until now….

According to a report (from Mrs. BeefLoaf) the establishment that Morton gets his grooming done (we gots to keep our boy looking tip top) relayed a message to Mrs. BeefLoaf that they, the establishment (who also houses Morton occasionally when we board him during a long vacation), internally uses Morton as a gauge for new employees. That’s right! Morton is how they determine if they should trust a new employee. You see Morton is friendly and cuddly to near all hoomans, however, if he ain’t…..WATCH OUT!!  Well, as it would have it, the last time Morton was boarded, they had a new employee and instead of being his usual cuddly self, Morton barked his proverbial balls off at this new employee until the hair stood up on his back. Morton wouldn’t go to the employee.

The fine folks at the establishment (who’s name I am keeping private) told Mrs. BeefLoaf that they ended up having to fire that employee. DATS RIGHT!!! Morton sniffed out an unfit animal employee, and got them…..

FIRED.

SHIT CANNED.

86’D.

AXED.

DISMISSED.

My boy, using his wits knew that employee wasn’t right and by speaking up, speaking truth to power, potentially protected some other people’s dogs from an employee that might not have been fit. I’m not sure I can love him more than I already do, but today I can confidently call him what he is. A HERO!

-BeefLoaf