Let’s keep this train a rolling by breaking down some things the White Sox can get me for Christmas. I know, you got a bunch of people to buy for and there’s some nice shinny things that you got your eye on, but don’t you…….forget about me.
Daniel Palka as Hulk Bobblehead
2019 should be the year of “No More Lame Ass Bobbleheads”. It can be a thing, I’ll even make a hat if you want. We have to start promoting these players like no tomorrow. Let’s start with the least thought bobblehead that can be made immediatly. Listen, it’s simple. I even made a mock up for you, so you can’t even complain.
You wanna make it even better? Have this sonovabitch talk! Jason’s call for a homer will work. Simple.
New Intro Video
I know it’s weird to ask this, as we usually don’t see the intro video, but for the times that I am there I need some spice. You know what can make that video even better? Us. Section 108 guys pounding beers between Palka bombs and Yolmer Gatorade Showers. But if you aren’t into that…
Don’t do something cheesy, do something that commands some fucking respect. Show your best self White Sox. You know what would be really cool? Blare some goddamn local music that is hype. I would suggest Local H, but you do you White Sox. Maybe get the boys in Local H to mash up some shit with Chance and set that shit off. Make it fucking happen. Yo, if House of Pain and Helmet can make this masterpiece, I can only imagine what awaits us.
19oz Anti-Hero In The Seats – $10
Y’all know we like the beer. We also love Anti-Hero. Little known fact, at a meeting with Baderbrau last year, we begged them to make a 19oz Pilsner can to be sold in the seats. They were receptive, they were amped, but then we drank them outta business. Whoops. #OurBad
We’d like to get good beer to get blind drunk with, from the comfort of our seats. Isn’t that what most people want?
Now, if that isn’t gonna happen/possible, can we at least get the goddamn cans in the Xfinity Bar? 2018 we had to lumber our unfit asses up to the Revolution Bar to get 2 cans each and then exit said bar through the exit ramp. It is a trip we will make at the start of the game, but fucking no way we make in game. So help us help you. Simple.
1 Clothing Item That Fits Fat Guys
The Sox give away a buncha chit during the year most of that chit is dope. I ain’t gonna lie, the Sox give away several high end items. The one thing that is missing is the fat guy shirts. What’s insulting is they gave away a hawaiian shirt for 2 years straight, which is the standard fat guy party shirt.
Unless Wally$ is in need, I ain’t swinging up to the park early to get a free shirt. Mostly cause I can’t fit in that shit. I’d love one gate to be designated as the 2XL gate, giving away at least 1 shirt that fits us fatties.
Now, maybe yous can bring back the Snuggie, which would be awesome in April or early May, but that seems like a cop out. The easy way.
I ain’t asking for a 2XL option for every shirt/ jacket / jersey giveaway, just 1. 1 fucking item. 1 time during the year. Make it a $1 dog night. Fucking simple. Me and the other fatties would love that and pay our respects to you and yours.
SIDEBAR – We have #108ing shirts in very extended sizes. Up to 6XL. No shit. You know how much the upcharge is on those sizes? $0. It costs as much as a medium. Or a small even. We pass that cost on to the skinny folk , but the shirt costs $25 shipped. No shit. Wanna buy one? Go here now!
I have a Southwest credit card that, in 2015 for our wedding, I put a ton of stuff on JUST to get the points. We cashed some of those guys in a few weeks back to go to sunny Florida. It cost us $0 to fly there. It was created by money that I had to spend anyways, which is a fucking win win. Why the fuck don’t we get points when we spend money at the park to earn perks? It would be simple to do and people would love it.
Hey, fans showing up for 100 loss seasons should have some enticement to continue to show up besides the promise of maybe better baseball on the horizon. I mean shit, I’d love a goddamn electronic punch card that a vendor can scan to get me my points. Maybe even let my vendor rate me to earn extra points. Fuck, I don’t know, we sent a guy to the moon in the 60’s, there are much smarter people than me that can figure this shit out. Just get me some goddamn points.
What did I forget? Send it my way on the Twitters. And if I don’t follow you, apparently you just gotta ask and I will give you a follow. Let that be my Christmas present to you. Yep, I will follow you, Merry Christmas!