Chorizy’s Mascot Assistant Job Application
If you don’t pay attention to the job openings within the White Sox organization, you probably missed the posting for a Mascot Assistant. You should definitely apply, but know you will be going head to head with me, Chorizy-E for the job. My application is below just to intimidate you further. Not to mention, Southpaw and Beefloaf are pals.
- Assist in the coordination and execution of Southpaw’s event activations. This includes, but is not limited to: Chicago White Sox home games, White Sox-related events, and Corporate Partner activations.
I’m not sure what Southpaw’s activations are, but let me just tell you that I’m not above being a fluffer. In my younger days, times were tough and you take what jobs you can get. So I have a bit of experience in “activations”.
- Responsible for coordinating Southpaw’s school shows.
- Emcee Southpaw’s school shows.
I used to work “Fashion” Shows at a bar on Lake Street back in the day. I mainly bar backed, but one time when the DJ had a weird throat infection, I had to emcee. I assume school shows are about the same thing.
- Set up and break down mascot equipment for games and events.
I used to work merch for Pigface and Dope back in the day and they had elaborate setups. I can definitely do the same with mascot gear.
- Work alongside the Mascot Coordinator to oversee a successful partnership between the White Sox and independent event organizations.
I assume this is similar to Sluggerr’s handler in KC. I’ve done some research on that and I’m definitely the guy for the job.
- Act as the on-site liaison at Southpaw’s activations.
On-site liaison, I dig. If there is one thing I am good at, it’s scoring you whatever you need. Just no meth, we don’t need Southpaw’s fur getting all patchy and shit.
- Speak to guests and fans for Southpaw during in-game visits and appearances.
I love talking with people, especially after a solid 6-10 Modelo tall boys. I mean, I already do this at a majority of Southpaw’s appearances.
- Be in suit for appearances as seen fit by the Mascot Coordinator.
I have what Sir Mix A Lot would call a juicy double, but if I can squeeze it into those tight uniform pants I’ll definitely throw on the big green head too.
- College degree in Marketing, Performing Arts, or other related field.
Surprisingly I have a college degree.
- Effective communication skills, both oral and written.
Are you reading this shit? Yeah, pretty obvious I got skillz.
- 1 year game presentation or performance experience in dance; performance or acting training is highly preferred.
- Due to costume restrictions, ideal height range is 5’8″ to 6’0″.
5’9″ but Husky sized pants
- Strong organizational skills; must be able to multi-task.
Quadruple fisting is no problem
- Previous mascot experience in college or another professional capacity.
I have no mascot experience, but this is a ridiculous request since you don’t require experience to manage the actual team.
- Must have strong interpersonal skill with the ability to work with multiple departments and initiatives
I’ve yet to be kicked out of a Sox game despite extreme intoxication, so yeah, I’ve worked with most departments in the org without incident.
- Must be comfortable speaking in public as an emcee with ability to be spontaneous when interacting with a crowd.
Happy to spread the gospel according to Chorizy
- Event management experience is preferred
I assume you’ve already heard about the FromThe108/SoxOn35th tailgates.
- Must be available to work nights and/or weekends as dictated by the game/event schedule
I’m already at the games. As long as drinking and occasionally passing out is cool.