Chorizy-E PED Suspension: Effective Immediately
We unfortunately have to relay some sad news today. During the 108’s random drug testing, we have discovered that Chorizy-E has been using a performance enhancing drug. The drug in question is a little known Balco cocktail called the “Janikowski”. It’s a mix of excedrin, tums, horse viagra, adderall, and LSD with a chocolate coating. His suspension will take effect immediately and bans him from any Sox games and any social media.
Chorizy-E has issued the following statement:
To the Fans,
I take full responsibility for the mistakes that led to my suspension for the 2018 season. I regret that my actions made the situation worse than it needed to be. To the Adult Beverage Industry, the 108, the Beefloaf and MySoxSummer families, the Uber/Lyft drivers and you, the fans, I can only say I’m sorry.
I accept the fact that many of you will not believe my apology or anything that I say at this point. I understand why and that’s on me. It was gracious of Beefloaf to offer me the use of the Beefcave for this apology but I decided the next time I am in the Beefcave, I should be inebriated doing my job.
I am serving the longest suspension in the history of the 108 for PED use. MySoxSummer has said the matter is over. Beefloaf has said the same. The 108 have said the next step will be to start drinking.
I’m ready to put this chapter behind me and drink some beer.
This game has been my single biggest passion since I was a teenager. When I go to Spring Training in NWI, I will do everything I can to be the best drinker and teammate possible, earn a spot on the 108 and help us get drunk.
Despite his apology and seeming admission of guilt, Chorizy-E still plans to fight the suspension and hopes to be back in the 108 for the 2018 season. His hearing is scheduled for July 27th and will take place on the Beefdeck (weather permitting). While Chorizy-E was not available for comment, his lawyer Vinny Baseball said he’s confident Chorizy-E will be re-instated based off of their belief of “special rules for special players, dude.”