The 5 – White Sox Internet Broadcast Pairings

March 8, 2017

Good day fam, it’s your buddy BeefLoaf. As I sit here pondering the White Sox universe, I gots to thinking, with everything going podcast and facebook live and snapchat and the like………what would a pirate radio-esque broadcast team of the White Sox regular season look like, if it were strictly on the internet and strictly of my programming desires. Remember, the internet is basically like International Waters and you can do anything there, which is why this could be so wonderful…………..so I bring you, the 5!

5. Mike North (@North2North) and Ron Kittle (@nakedbiker)

Not only do I envision this team to be the most entertaining, but they are the most likely to get into a fist fight with each other or possibly other broadcast crews. This crew would be the absolute best if it was 1990’s hard living Mike North, but alas, it should still be entertaining. North as play by play guy would provide gaffe after gaffe, but his quick witted humor would pair great with Kitty. In fact, North should figure out a way to get this done on his podcast, at least a few innings of a game.

4. Josh Nelson (@SSS_Joshnelson) and Jack McDowell

Josh is the host of the wonderful Southside Sox podcast, if you aren’t listening to this, you really should! Anywho, I’m pairing him with Black Jack McDowell. I know nothing about McDowell’s chops, but I assume Josh will be like Chris Farley on the Chris Farley show, asking a former White Sox great mundane questions about his career and life and following it up with “THAT WAS AWESOME!!!”. While Josh is the broadcaster, he does have the proclivity to go off on a drunken rant or two. We’ll write into his contract that he has to imbibe on air once per week, hopefully we get some gold out of it.

3. Alvaro Martin (@AlvaroNFLMartin) and Ozzie Guillen (@OzzieGuillen)

I don’t care if this team scarcely speaks english, everything doesn’t need to be in english to be enjoyed. If you aren’t familiar with Alvaro’s work, (google “Denver Broncos missed field goal Spanish Language” and you’ll see, because the goddamn NFL and YouTube won’t let me post video of the most awesome 11 seconds of a football call EVAR), he has the fire and the passion that us White Sox fans adore. Ozzie is a natural fit here, considering this will be on the internet and predominantly in spanish, he can curse all he wants and he can call Jay Mariotti a maricon 4 times a broadcast (we’d write it into his contract). In this pairing though Ozzie is really the sidecar, Alvaro is the main attraction.

2. Siera Santos (@SieraSantos) and Jennie Finch (@JennieFinch)

Siera is new to the broadcast game in Chicago, but she’s already out there blasting folks on twitter and ingratiating herself with the White Sox Fan base. From what little we have seen of Siera, she has the personality and the edge to thrive in Chicago. Finch is US Softball royalty and although softball isn’t quite baseball, they’re enough alike that I could see Finch as a fine analyst. This pairing is very attractive, and would thrive on a medium like Facebook Live.

1. Hawk Harrelson (@HawkHarrelson)

I know, I know, this isn’t exactly a pairing, but it would be awesome. You are probably worried about Hawk by hisself, but this is on the internet and remember all those times he wished he could curse?? Yea, those would actually happen. Remember the Wegner rant? Yea, that wouldn’t have to stop there. Plus, Hawk can put his cocktail right up on the console and relax, he doesn’t have to worry about the camera peering into the booth on him. I for one wish there would’ve been a Hawk Only broadcast of the Sox during the 2005 World Series run. Imagine the stories that would pour out when there are no restrictions on language or content? This could go in all kinds of weird and wonderful directions.