Why Is The Craft Lodge Shortcut Closed?

At the beginning of the season the shortcut to the Craft Kave was up and running.  The shortcut is easily a fan favorite, for several reasons.  Most importantly, it allows all fans to get back to their seat in a much quicker manner than having to walk all the way back up through the Miller Lite Landing. (RIP Goose)  

However, at some point during the season, somebody that works for the White Sox decided to lock the shortcut permanently.  I have made it my mission to get the real answer on behalf of the fans.  I have continued to make the rounds at the ballpark to solve this mystery with SEVERAL different answers.  Even a high ranking official White Sox representative is unsure why it’s closed.  I am here to share with you the explanations I have been given and my analysis of each individual’s answer.

Interview One: Chair Guy

I recently met Chair Guy during a previous homestand to get his take on the shortcut being closed.  His explanation was that he had no idea, but it goes way above him and that he has no control over it.  He also MIGHT leave a pair of scissors behind next time to cut the locks off.  

My Analysis:  

Chair Guy totally made up that answer, he has zero clue.  I don’t buy what he’s saying for a second.  Will he actually bring in a pair of scissors that happen to fall out of his pocket?  More on that in just a little bit.  

Interview Two: Another 108 Security Guy

During this previous homestand I met another 108 security guy who was a great sport for the class pic and got to chatting.  When asking this individual he simply replied with laughs and “you gotta ask my boss.”  He also did not happen to have a pair of scissors that anyone in the section could borrow. 

My Analysis:

He enjoys his job and had a lot of fun working in the 108 and would like to return.  There’s absolutely no way he would give me a real answer even if he did know who was behind this.  

Interview Three: The Return of Chair Guy

My favorite 108 security guy returned once again later in the homestand.  This time around, I chatted him up even more which led to some more questioning from me.  First, I asked if he brought his scissors today, to which he told me “I’m not gonna lose my job because of you!”  Oh boy, he’s already hating that he’s being interrogated.  He then gives me an explanation that the paying customers complained that fans are stumbling in and out through the shortcut during games and it’s a distraction to the paying customers in the Miller Lite Landing.

My Analysis:

Absolutely zero chance that this is true.  Chair Guy simply wanted me to stop questioning him so that he can get back to doing his job while he turns away disappointed customers on their way to the shortcut.  I will also continue to look around for a pair of scissors that get dropped on the ground.   

The Prime Suspect: The Narc

There is one individual that is very much in question, The Narc.  This man roams around the Miller Lite Landing every single game performing any and all tasks.  He barks orders, he will deliver food and drinks, he cleans up trash.  This guy seems to just do whatever the heck he wants.  He doesn’t even wear any official work uniform like the rest of the staff!  I have a feeling this could be our guy behind locking the shortcut up.  At some point I will bring him in for questioning.  

I will continue to fight for the reopening of the shortcut.  All of us as fans, want to simply get our beer in a timely fashion and return to our seats to get back to watching the White Sox.  

-Brew Hand Luke