BREAKING!!! Chicago is CHAMPS AGAIN!!

Nope, I am not talking about our World Champion Chicago Sky. I actually attended a Chicago Sky pre-season game a couple of years ago. My daughter Bonita Steakie’s class went on a field trip to the WinTrust Arena for a game. It’s a beautiful arena and the WNBA is a fun game. I even ran into my old buddy Joe Brice at the game. As you might have predicted, I was the only dad chaperoning this fine field trip and most of the mom’s treated me like a total leper, but that’s a story for another time.

Nope, while the Sky’s one-off title was exciting, I am talking about something Chicago has excelled in for some time now. In fact, this was Chicago’s 7th straight year in being voted Orkin’s rattiest city. Incredible! Read the full article from their website HERE.

Rats!!!

In a way, it’s kind of shocking to me that Chicago would lead the charge annually in this competition. New York City (who rated 3rd overall) has fucking trash bags on the street, very susceptible to rat infestation, while we here in Chicago have garbage cans with closeable lids that should keep vermin out.

Los Angeles (rated 2nd overall) is more than double the square miles in land size than Chicago. Not to mention better weather and you telling me we got more rats. What fucking stupid rat wants to live through a Chicago winter. I guess we got better restaurant food. No problem selling me there.

Here’s a short excerpt from the article, so that all of yous are aware of Orkin’s findings.

Nobody wants to run into any unusual or aggressive rodent behavior, I can tell you that much. I remember when I was younger and living in Lincoln Park, I felt like I saw rats every fucking where up there. I have to think the amount of garbage created in such small spaces has to be optimal conditions for them. I’d see them dash across Clark Street in search of that next meal or across a side street from one alley to the next looking for that extra special garbage.

The other thing about Chicago is, much like our people, some of these rats get humongous. I remember back in the day I used to work at IIT as a summer job. The journeymen used to bust my balls as I was their lackey, their helper. Anyways, one day we went in the closed alley of the research tower and one of the guys stuck a hose down a suspected rat hole. The amount and size of the animals that came pouring out was astounding. That whole alley was filled with rats. What fun it was to work there 🙂

Anywho, Chicagoans, enjoy your championship, you sure as fuck earned it. In fact, throw a couple of extra leftover slices of tavern style pizza in the alley and let the rats celebrate. It’s their day too!

-BeefLoaf