Etiquette Lessons For Our Bleacher Friends

Hi guys! It’s the other guys in the outfield here to just say hello and maybe give you a few pointers as the season goes on. First off, wow, you guys are really making some noise out there which has been really awesome so far! The players seem to love ya and clearly your passion for all things baseball is just growing as the season progresses. But if we had to critique the performance, here are your “notes” as they say.

The Wave.

Yeah, seems like y’all really like to do the wave. We in the 108 really dislike the wave. Why you ask? Mostly cause it’s distracting AF to both players and fans alike, but hey you do you. Recently, the wave was deployed by yous in the bleachers in a 1 run game with a struggling Dallas K on the mound. We gave up several runs and ultimately LOST the game. Was it the fault of the wave? MAYBE. Is it a risk we should take just so you jagaloons can get the wave started? FUCK NO.

I did some research on the MSS funded Wikipedia and came back with this –

Today, the wave is often seen during sports events, sometimes during a lull in the action on the field when the spectators want to amuse themselves. There is some controversy as to when the wave is appropriate to perform during a sporting event.[22] Many fans feel that the wave should not be performed in important situations during the game.

Wikipedia “The Wave”

A LULL you dumbfucks. You aren’t even doing it right. Oh but that’s not all. While 108 Season Ticket Holder (and Australian Native) Aussie Sox Fan is a crazy bloke, his country isn’t so damn crazy. Check out this shit!

Cricket Australia formally banned the wave at home games in 2007 on the grounds that liquids and other objects thrown in the air during the wave posed a danger.[25] 

Wikipedia “The Wave”

And that brings us to our next point….

Cup Snakes.

Last year, while in quarantine, I’m sure many of you just dreamed of being back at the park. Smelling the grilled onions, seeing the green grass and feeling luke warm backwash from a random strangers cup hit the back of your head and run down your back. Right? FUCKING EWWWW. Right now, there are unsuspecting folks in the left field bleachers that are getting wet from other people’s backwash while we come out of the other side of a global pandemic. It’s really, really, really, really fucking gross when you think about it.

I know some of you mother fuckers are like “But MSS, who are you to tell anyone how to fan?” Well, I guess when it interferes with the game maybe it’s time to take a step back. Like it did here….

If I have learned anything by having kids, it’s if you give them an inch, they take a mile. Not even halfway through the season and cups have been on the field multiple times. Think they are gonna turn it around, maybe rein it in? DOUBT IT. Nevermind the big mess they make. Don’t worry about the kids out there. Try not to get upset when innocent folks getting pelted with cups as these animals chant “We Need Cups” and people toss them down or over. Don’t worry about any of that as we should just let everyone fan like they want. Let me be the first to say it, FUCK THAT! When your fun ruins another person’s fun, it’s no longer fun. I am almost 100% positive that the revolutionary war was started over shit like this. And the state of Illinois allowed me to teach so you know I know my history!

Plus, as Dick The Knife pointed out….

The Chants.

Dudes, your chants are DOPE. Aside from the “Start the Wave” or “We Need Cups” ones the other ones seem to do pretty well. Years of playing in alternative bands (and then setting up bands) rarely wearing hearing protection (so dumb) has left me kinda deaf so I’m not sure exactly what y’all are saying, but it seems enjoyable to most.

The Fights.

As a guy who enjoys dumb people fighting from a distance, this really doesn’t bother me. Watching people go at it, while 100% trashy, is really fun and cheap entertainment IMO. As long as no one gets seriously injured, cause that would be a bummer. It’s like Jerry Springer, lotta bravado not so much landing haymakers. Except this fight, there was some good punches on this episode….JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

This fight in the bleachers was just insane. Three girls, just going at it. Random dude in Illini Sox jersey trying to keep the peace. I mean it was all over the socials….

Wasting beer like that just makes me sad. That’s disrespectful to the brewers of that fine liquid.

Back at the start of the season, some of y’all starting FIGHTING WITH OUR PLAYER, Michael Kopech. I don’t know the specifics, but the jist was something about Kopech being soft for sitting out the season. Then talking shit about his on again, off again partner and baby momma. I mean, why you so angry? It ended with Mike tossing a ball into the stands which seemed like a silly thing to do for both parties. Since then, I haven’t heard of any issues, BUT I GOT MY EYE ON YOU!

Final Thoughts.

Aside from the cup snakes and the wave, you guys are doing good. I don’t wanna be that guy who says “No!” so maybe we hold off on doing the wave till post 7th inning. I am usually drunk by then, might take it better. Maybe not though. We’ll see! And maybe stop throwing up the cup snake at the end and calmly walk to a recycling bin and drop them mofos in! Would be a great olive branch to the security guys and the clean up crew. Deal?

-MSS

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