The 5 – More Advances Inspired by The MVP Machine

The MVP Machine was the hot new girl from Shalamar for the entire summer of 2019…it was everywhere, talked about by everyone and basically considered a great and revolutionary baseball book. Me? I didn’t finish it, still have ~40 pages to go. Why? Well, I did enjoy the book, but maybe it was the hype, maybe it was the thought that “WOW every edge in this book was completely dead before the book went to press!”….You know, for me, it didn’t give me the feeling like reading SuperSystem for the first time, where I could imagine someone picking that fucking book up in the 1980’s and being like HOLY FUCK!! Truth be told, you can still gain an edge in the Lord’s year 2020 with that book in a local poker game. Or even reading a book like Beyond Counting: Exhibit CAA, where you know it’s limited print and you can use the info in there for a long time and still get by…..fuck even the principals of Moneyball still work if you get beyond the thought that they were just accumulating OBP.

Nope, the central theme of The MVP Machine was…..TINKERING. Something you and I and everyone else does everyday. Now, this is not a slam of the book, Ben Lindbergh and Travis Sawchik do a very good job of pulling everything together and it’s an enjoyable read. I really enjoy Lindbergh’s work from his excellent podcast to his previous book “The Only Rule Is It Has to Work” which is a real world application of lots of ideas you hear floated around in a market place that was ripe for exploitation. That’s a fucking excellent book you should pick up right now.

After reading 89% of this book, I just got the feeling it could and should go off in some exciting and untapped ways……that’s why I figured I’d offer some of my own ideas. Some of these are harsh and aren’t likely to work, but when we are tinkering, we try, EVERYTHING. I bring you THE 5 – MORE ADVANCES

5 – Corrective Lenses/Contacts by state

The White Sox had this outfielder, from New Trier, maybe you’ve heard of him, his name was Charlie Tilson. Ole Chuckles came here in a trade, got badly injured and then worked hard to get back on the field eventually making it back to the majors. His game was making contact, which he basically did for this modern MLB. However, the funniest part of his game was judging fly balls. Woooo boy was he brutal at those. It got me wondering, how the fuck can this joker see high velocity and breaking stuff coming directly at him and make contact (more times than not), but then can’t judge a got-damn pop up coming so slowly towards him. Maybe he needed a separate set of corrective lenses or contacts for being out in the field versus hitting. Makes sense right? The trajectory of the ball and the distances and speeds at which it is coming would probably cause different sorts of problems. It could’ve been that the guy was just hungover, but there has to be a handful of MLB outfielders that this would help right now.

4 – Smells

We humans are known to react very strongly to smells. Remember when Jimmy and Tammy Faye Bakker ruled the GOT DAMN WORLD (at least the Christian one)…..AS LEGEND HAS IT they used to order like a thousand dollars worth of baked goods a day just because the smells from the bakery made them feel good. Imagine that shit, humans love certain smells. What if the two best players on your team love the smell of bacon and some virgin with a pocket protector calculates they’ll get a 10% increase in performance if you fill the stadium with bacon smells. You got it!! This should be done even if we can’t prove it helps!!

3 – Temperature

Look we all know that to varying degrees, extreme temperatures in controlled environments can be very beneficial to people (saunas, cold showers, etc). That ain’t at all what I am talking about. What if you condition your team to play well in some tough temps. If Obama can have his weather machine, then so can your favorite baseball team and today’s forecast is dialed in at a comfortable 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Turns out your team has a giant advantage in that weather and the other team melts like a puddle. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, what if your starting pitcher, unlikely as it may be, performs his best in a fine mist. You know where this is going. Teams gotta try it.

2 – Other Other Elective Surgeries

This one sounds risky, but fuck it, people get lasik all the time even though it might not be completely battle tested yet. No, I’m not talking about pre-emptive Tommy John Surgery, that’s basic bitch thinking. You know how in Brazil everyone is getting butt implants these days, I’m thinking something like that, could be cosmetic, like getting really fat and pouty, but malleable lips as a pitcher to further distract the hitter, to having extra padding added surgically to your hand to be a better receiver behind the plate. FUCKING SKY IS THE LIMIT!!! Remember in the movie Minority Report when Tom Cruise’s character Chief John Anderton got new eyeballs….something along those lines, except, new legs that make you run like a fucking cheetah.

1 – Hallucinogens

Look, I’m not a drug guy, but I am also not competing against World Class athletes, so I am going down a path or few here. There has been lots of literature lately on Hallucinogens helping people with mental health problems. What if our world class athletes could benefit from such “medicine”. It could unlock a different level of mental capacity in some subset of players. Maybe it’s the thing that was blocking that top pitching prospect from finally making it and now your team is the one that has figured it out.

Got some OUTSIDE THE BOX IDEAS?

Hit me up on the twitters @jack says it’s okay if we talk crazy shit there….

-BeefLoaf