The One Hitter – Spring Training Blows

This is the one hitter. I, I never exhaled.

It’s almost time for pitchers and catchers to report and everyone has a raging semi because you can start to smell baseball in the air. But here’s the thing, the games absolutely suck. I am sure it’s very cool to be there in person, but on television it is not good.

Trust me, I’m there watching them just like you are. The first three innings are usually pretty watchable because there are major leaguers and some notable minor leaguers trying to make the team. But around the fourth or fifth inning you start to get guys in there with numbers like 99, 138, π on their backs. God damn Garth Brooks is playing second base and Chris Christie is in the outfield. It’s unwatchable.

So take my advice, next time you flip on a Spring Training game make sure you pay attention to the first few innings for your baseball fix, then start #108ing and put on your favorite tunes. The players, known only to overnight Score callers trying to trade 34 players for Nolan Arenado, will make a nice background program for your now beautiful day.

-Chorizy-E

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