#108ing Tools – Scouting Grades
There isn’t a delicate way to put this, but we in the 108 tend to crush beers……..before……………DURING………….and after the game. The more I think about it, some of this approach needs to be graded out. YES! I think it is time that the 108 issue some guidance on how we rank specific drinking and drinking related skills that are valued out in a #108ing world. Remember, it’s not just a hashtag, it’s a lifestyle……
To be clear, below are the top 5 “TOOLS” for a person who will be doing some #108ing, we’ll go back, back, back, back (fuck Chris Berman) and use the classic scouting grade scale of 20-80. What is that you say? Well, if you read any literature on scouting grades for prospects in major league baseball, they will use a grading scale that starts with 20 (the WORST, like an Adam Sandler film) and go all the way up to 80 (LEGENDARY, like the Sharon Stone interrogation scene in Basic Instinct)….Let’s do this!!!
Endurance (aka the Sunday grade)
Probably the #1 most important tool in the OG 108ers toolbox is the Endurance grade. How we holding up on Sunday, the 3rd leg of the weekend series formation. Mind you, we need this tool to be above average as we have the #SundaySoak looming in the late afternoon, post game. Also, it isn’t like the 108ers hold back on Friday or Saturday night of the series to “save ourselves” for Sunday LIVE yakking on the twitters. Fuck no! What you see is what you get. Probably the best in this category is MySoxSummer, he’s usually game to drink 3 or 4 more beers AFTER the #SundaySoak while we just sit around contemplating what pizza joint we are going to order from to finish up our day.
This is obvious. Who can drink the quickest, get themselves lit up the quickest. The fastest path to #108ing excellence is to consume drinks at a high speed to get you the #108edest. The OG Indiana crew of Biguns and the Slumpbuster are masters of this. They employ the short glass technique, and although it is an old technique, it’s hella dependable.
Yea, yea, everyone likes to get #108ed, but how do you hold up once you have a billion drinks in you. Some people fold like a cheap card table. Others become a gigantic mess like a lidless blender making Pina Coladas. Some however, flourish…even improve their cognitive abilities as they get deeper into the #108ing. That would be one Chorizy-E. We have a rule in Section 108, that when we do trivia, it is required we wait until at least the 4th inning to allow Chorizy to get enough drinks in him so that the trivia answers start flowing out. It never fails.
Range means you are covered in any and all #108ing situations. If the drink of choice at your specific appointment is Wine, you got it locked down…Margaritas…no problem……keg beer, wine coolers, expensive liquors drunk neat, NO PROBLEMO. Both Chorizy & BeefLoaf have a big range of drinks that they excel in consuming, definitely a wide band that keeps them comfortably #108ing in all situations.
The most overlooked of the #108ing tools is Character. That’s right. You guessed it. Do you become a total jag that is going to start a fight at the drop of a hat. Do you get overserved and need a “nap”? Does your lying frequency increase from “as needed”, to “as much as you speak”? Do other deviant behaviors that you normally keep in check come creeping out once you get the #108ing going too strong….then guess what, that’s BAD! To score high in Character, you need to materially keep your shit together, while being more social and fun. If this tool isn’t at least average, you can become a major liability to a #108ing crew and therefore be pushed back in the hierarchy.
Without further ado….(do people still say that??) here are the grades for the 108ers….
Want to grade yourself or your friends on the #108ing tools scale? DO IT!!! and please tweet it at us for a critique
– BeefLoaf, Chorizy-E & MySoxSummer