All-Star Game: The Mid-Summer Atrocity

I usually start these with why I cannot totally hate something.  Not this time.  The All-Star Game is terrible in every aspect.  So let’s go through this before my head explodes.


This One Counts

The whole point of the All-Star Game is to bring together the best players in the league, entertain the fans, and not get anyone injured.  So obviously, it should decide where game 7 of the World Series will be played, thanks Bud.  The fact that a manager might be tempted to get something extra out of the players on his team, makes the best players not want to show up.  This leads to phantom injuries to stay out of the game and 2nd tier stars being in the game.  So you’ve ruined 2 of the three right off the bat.  If you’ve watched in the past 5 years, you were not entertained, so there goes the third.


The Fans Have Spoken

Major League Baseball has made two decisions here:

  1. Game decides home field advantage in the Series
  2. People we trust with no other decisions get to pick the starting lineup

And the fans never fail us.  Every year our picks are terrible (I include myself).  I know the Cubs are the greatest sports team since the 2015-16 Warriors, but they’ve got a few too many starters on this roster.  Here’s an example: Which of these SS should start for the NL?


I assume you all chose Player C


The Home Run Derby

Out of things that hurt about the All-Star Game, this hurts the most.  The Home Run Derby used to be the only saving grace of the All-Star Week.  But like most things in sports, ESPN got its hands on it, and crushed its neck like they were Lenny from Of Mice and Men.  Even if you somehow enjoy Chris Berman sweating profusely and chattering Back Back Back Back, you can’t possibly have enough time on your hands to watch this.  There is a commercial break every 7 pitches and a 24 part interview with David Ortiz about absolutely nothing.  Last year I watched all of the Star Wars movies instead, even the shitty prequels, and still caught the last half hour of the event.  Why did Todd Frazier fall apart in the second half last year?  Maybe it was because he stayed in the HR Derby for all 32 hours.


The Game Itself

Let’s just be honest, you check the score the next day and that’s about it.  Somehow it still gets ratings, just like the Pro Bowl, but nobody is actually watching it.  At least I hope not, because it’s just not fit for television.

A man sleeps on the couch, with a TV remote control balancing on his protruding stomach.

So what should be done?

I’ll tell you what, the NHL All-Star game was legit and it was the furthest thing from hockey I’ve ever watched.  But so what, the whole point is to entertain the fans with the players they love.  And if they’re gonna keep letting us vote, we need to do some John Scott shit and make MLB really think about what they’re letting us do.  So here are a few ideas:

  • Undo the stupid “This game counts”
  • Return the HR Derby to its original glory
  • Have an old-timers HR Derby (Bonds, Canseco, McGwire, Sosa).  Yes, embrace your dirty roid-filled past!
  • Fastest pitch (Someone is going to blow out their arm, so let’s keep this to those bullpen arms nobody cares about)
  • Get rid of every team getting an All-Star – The Twins deserve 0 All-Stars because they have 0 All-Stars
  • Play a slow pitch softball game instead of the actual game
  • Or don’t even play the game and let two fans play MLB The Show to determine the winner
OAKLAND, CA - 1990: Jose Canseco #33 and Mark McGwire #25 of the Oakland Athletics celebrate during a 1990 MLB season game at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum in Oakland, California. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

Are some of these ideas stupid?  Definitely.  But anything is better than what we’ve got.  Have your own ideas?  Hit me up at @fromthe108 on Twitter #GFYASG

– Chorizy-E


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