The 5 – WST Members that prolly buy farts on the internet…
I’ve heard it about a million billion times in the last few years, Twitter is a such a cesspool., I don’t know why I don’t just delete the app. It’s something I couldn’t be more diametrically opposed to. Of course some days aren’t that great and you get meh interaction and news on the bird, but then there are days where you get a nonlinear share of wonderfulness and that’s why we just continue to hang on. Waiting for that poker tournament style top 3 payoff. Today was one of those days.
That’s right, a person on Jack’s (fuck, it’s some other schmoe now) Twitter was selling their farts and decided to stop selling those farts because they had a heart attack scare. YOU CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!! That “person” is 90 Day Fiance star Stephanie Matto. The 31 year old reality star was allegedly making up to $50,000 per week selling her farts in jars to fans. Unreal. If you have 5 minutes that you can peel yourself away from Tiger King season 2, you should probably read the full article. I know it’s the New York Post, but sometimes even the worst rags on the planet provide enriching literature that you should ingest.
Unfortunately for Stephanie, she had to stop selling, at least per the article it was due to a health scare, she thought the excessive gas pains she was experiencing from eating a materially all eggs and beans diet was a heart attack. It was not, but doctors advised her NOT to eat like that. Easy come, easy go. Anyways, Stephanie is off the flatulence road to opulence, at least for now.
That did get my mind wandering though….I wonder what members of White Sox Twitter prolly buy farts on the internet and we don’t even know it. WST gotta be at least 15,715 people strong, as that’s how many people follow @fromthe108 on twitter. You’d think the smart money is that at least 5 of those folks, or 0.03% of the population, use their expendable cash on bottled toots. Right? Let me guess who.
Billy Wires aka Juan Uribe’s Cup
You know the first mufucka you thought of was this dude. You’ve seen the avant-garde methods of posting. Where there’s smoke, there’s gassy mexican food remains in jars bought on the internet.
Soxwood
You see that look. That ain’t not a guy who don’t buy weird shit on the internet. I’m an accountant and I wanted to go into forensic accounting at one time. If I had, I bet a deep search of his financials records would unlock purchases that substantiate this claim. Among other things.
Wet Bandit
A man that hides his identity like this has to be hiding something else. What’s peculiar is when you search twitter for pictures of him, he’s almost always with some of the other buyers on this list. Is there an entire fart purchasing ring operating right under our nose here on White Sox twitter. Was the Investigation arm of Sox Twitter sleeping on the job? WILD!
MySoxSummer
Now, I don’t think my partner in crime MSS, has some deviant kink like these other guys, but I know he knows a good deal when one exists and he’s interested in flipping basically anything that can make him a profit. HAS ANYONE CHECKED FART RESALES ON EBAY LATELY!?!?!??! I bet his rating is immaculate.
Beer Garden Jim
Sure we are lulled to sleep by his gorgeous food pics and innocent beer pictures, but I think there is a seedier past that he would like all of us to forget and my man’s Brew Hand Luke brought it up just today. WE WON’T FORGET GYM!!!
That’s the list….who’d I miss? Who am I accusing that you believe is INNOCENT!?!?!?
-BeefLoaf
About The Author
beefloaf108
Low information White Sox Fan. Big Feet Energy ORIGINAL 108er Like Whore 2019 Opening Day #SoxMath WINNAR Mediocrity Personified