Talking Mess With MSS – Peanut Butter Kisses

Happy Halloween! It’s that one night a year that everybody can be whatever they want…well…not really we have the internet now. You can be whomever and whatever you want on the daily. I hope you have a fun a safe night tonight with your friends or family, or if you partied last night, I hope the hangover is gone before the little goblins show up and want their candy. Trick or treating starts at 2pm in my hood and stops at 7pm allegedly. I have spent over $80 on candy, so once it’s gone, it’s gone. Don’t even think about stopping by my house after 5:30. Between the kids and parents “It’s for the baby” GTFOH, I’ll be out by then. But I’m really here to talk about one thing…….

That’s right. Some call them Mary Jane’s, some call them Peanut Butter Kisses, but they should be known by their true name….THE BEST (CHEAP) HALLOWEEN CANDY EVER. Oh you best bet I see you out there, slandering my favorite candy, but ya know what? I don’t care what you think, because you are just some rando on the internet, which isn’t a real place anyways. Look at these jerkfaces…

Perfect name for this take! I like Bit-O-Honey but this take is straight garbage.

YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!? YOU SUCK DAN! Generic ass content from you buddy!

Southside Zo? Father Zo? More like Suckside Zo!

Clearly just an Pinwheels & Ivy fanboy…..

First off, this guy claims to be a big stoner. No way his high ass turns down a peanut butter kiss! I call shenanigans, NARC!

Clearly doesn’t have a refined palette, dark chocolate is THE BOMB.COM!

Hands down the worst tweet EVER!

Now, I wanna thank the few but mighty supporters I had out there, you guys rock. But let’s talk some shop here. Sadly, last year I learned something that I didn’t wanna know.

I know. The best producers of this beloved candy called it quits in 2020. This goddamn never ending pandemic claims yet another victim. CUE: Judgment Night Soudtrack

I checked this year and they sell these –

And to replace them, they trotted out this bullshit…..

I tried to love them folks, but alas I couldn’t. I threw away a whole bag. I missed the candied peanut butter and pieces of peanut in the center that really made the candy sing. Just wasn’t the same. And you know what pisses me off? In 2019 when I went to MULTIPLE Blaine’s Farm & Fleet(s) they WERE ALL SOLD OUT. So…..they sold like gangbusters. Hmmmm….why discontinue them? We might never know but I have a few ideas.

Theory 1 – The Haters.

As I showed above the haters are out in full force. Also above, you can see that the good folks at Farm & Fleet are very active on the Twitters. In this day and age of cancel culture and mob life mentality on the ‘net, did F&F succumb to the pressure? Were they so concerned with their public image they canceled Peanut Butter Kisses before the mob could cancel them? MAYBE.

Theory 2 – Just Too Good.

As stated above, Peanut Butter Kisses were crazy popular and always sold out. Why cancel them then? BECAUSE THEY RUINED ALL THE OTHER CANDY SALES. That’s right. Everyone wanted those PBK’s and when they were out, the customer walked right out. Fully dejected, not buying something else cause the pain was TOO MUCH. This could be a huge problem for the good folks at F&F. So what do you do? Eliminate the problem, or fix the glitch as the Bob’s say. If you don’t sell them, no one will get disappointed and buy your other bullshit candy. And how do you make it not too noticeable, provide 2 inferior options to throw sleuths like myself off the trail.

Theory 3 – Just Too Expensive To Make.

Have you seen the price of peanuts over the years? Take a look at this chart –

Peanut Prices Over The Years. Source: MSS Google Search.

I mean that’s the real answer, just too damn expensive to make. And it adds up cause the PBK’s taste like a million bucks.

In closing, all y’all haters can kiss my peanut butter ass. And while you are looking at those assholes Chorizy and BeefLoaf and saying “Oh they love the best candy, just like me” just remember those dumbfucks drafted popcorn balls and Smarties in our Halloween Candy Draft with Josh Nelson. So their taste is HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE. Take a listen…..

Happy Halloween and remember…..


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