HomeBullshitThe 5 – Worst (Not Really) Things about the COVID-19
The 5 – Worst (Not Really) Things about the COVID-19
April 3, 2020
Hi frents, it’s your pal BeefLoaf…..I wanted to have some fun with the downside of the COVID-19 virus, without belittling the seriousness of the situation, so please to be staying inside fam, let’s be patient, wait this shit out and we’ll get our l0lz where we can now before we can get back out in these White Sox streets and get back to hugging and kissing and watching our White Sox kick some ass….until then, I bring you the 5.
I won’t go as far as to say resources like food are scarce, but in this era we do kinda want to limit outside exposure, so trips to the store are a scarce commodity via conservatism. In a world like this, you are eating ALL the leftovers and in my house, I’m the person that generally eats the leftovers. This results in shit like me heating up leftover frozen pizza for lunch (with the expected poor results that took place). It’s a bad scene, I look forward to healthy, guilt free trips to the grocery store, so I can throw out that 5 day old grilled chicken.
Every Day is Tuesday
The most common thing I see on twitter these days is people claiming they don’t know what day it is and I believe it. Most of the week is landmarked by items on the social calendar, trips to the gym or weekly manscaping sesh….but now, none of that shit is relevant so everyday is Tuesday. Even if you are still working (remotely), the days all feel like they are far from the weekend, with just another dull 8 hour day of work followed by a dull evening of the tele.
Now that 90% of social interactions are on Zoom, I’d like to see a little bit of creativity on those backgrounds, frents. Take a few minutes off of watching Tiger King for the 4th time and search the web for a fun background each day. It’s your main source of creativity when you are joining your 5th Zoom call of the day about future (dismal) revenue forecasts or whatever the fuck.
Toilet Paper has more value than our Currency
I joke, I joke, but if you think about it, the Government can’t stop printing money, it wouldn’t shock me if they went and did another round of bail-outs in a few weeks. Fuck, the government of Zimbabwe thinks we are getting “A LITTLE OUT OF HAND WITH ALL OF THIS MONEY PRINTING”…..meanwhile Toilet Paper is like the Tickle Me Elmo of this generation, fat ladies wailing away at each other just to grab that precious commodity and scammers trying to get intel on the next shipment. Fucking ridiculous.
Far Less “Alone Time”
Look, as much as I like to give my guy MySoxSummer some shit, he’s my boy and I trust that he’s telling us all the truth that he’s the master of his domain and let’s face it, with EVERYONE being home all the time, there just isn’t ample time to have those alone, intimate moments with yourself. You know, you check out what’s going on underneath your sweat pants at a critical moment in the video you are watching, that point when you are also unsure how that lady will pay for her car repairs when she has no money. You’ve seen it a thousand times before, but now, during the Shelter-In-Place, there isn’t much you can do, other than enjoy that fine piece of cinema.