The holidays are a GREAT time to catch up with people that you don’t see most of the year. In fact, for me, it has always been a time to give and embrace, share a drink with people that I think about, but don’t always get to see in the flesh. However, the Holidays also bring you together with people that can be kind of an annoyance to your celebrating. Not that they are bad people, they just make things uncomfortable for you and the people around you. Trust me, you know at least one of these types of people and you can feel free to hit me up on the Twitters with ones that I missed…
Super Successful Idiot
You know the type, loud as motorbike but wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight. Wait, that’s something else, I’m talking about the person you knew growing up that got straight D’s in class, basically only got their name right on the ACT, couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time and wasn’t on the cover of GQ magazine if you know what I mean. Somehow though, this person found their niche and is printing money doing it. Now when you see them it’s a festival of them showing you how awesome it is to have so much cabbage. Their first move is to ensure you see how expensive their wardrobe is, followed by pictures from their “no big deal” exotic vacation. Meanwhile you were happy that you actually got a Xmas bonus, not just the Jelly of the Month Club.
Your Wife’s Hot Cousin
Not all of these are initially unpleasant. You haven’t seen your wife’s hot cousin since 2 years ago at the one party, so it’s not entirely a bad thing to see her at the party. However, it starts to get awkward as you get drunker and can no longer hide your staring (and drooling)….it’s a bad scene. Now, I might get slammed by some of the ladies in our readership for this one, but let’s flip the script….LADIES for you, it is your husband’s cousin-in-law that is 19 and is a freshman at (insert low level division 1 college) on a football scholarship and he’s home and brimming with sexuality and you have to teeter between being nice and friendly and flirting like the inner cougar you know you are….Kapish!
The Friend who’s kids are a disaster
You ever go to a party and in your effort to mingle with people you haven’t touched up close in the flesh in a while, stumble upon some tough conversation? Yea, that’s what I am talking about here. Think about Cousin Eddy in Christmas Vacation talking about his kids that didn’t make the trip with them. I am talking about the guy who is trying to sugar coat his son’s misdemeanor or the lady who keeps telling you about how their kid has this TERRIBLE TEACHER that is ruining their otherwise splendid classroom performance. Ugh. That’s about the time you need to refresh your drink and not come back to this conversation.
Great Aunt who has too many nicknames for you to remember her real name
Minnie, Muffy, Bunny, Ginny, Sassy, Liddy, Tiffy, Tizzy, Winnie,…..you get the drift. Very confusing.
Alcoholic Ball-Breaking Uncle that still lives at home
Now most of these are just fun constructs that I don’t actually experience on the regular at holiday functions, but this is one (#RIPIP) that Chorizy and I used to experience on the regular. Sometimes this is actually coming from a place of love (which was the case here), but it is still tough when you are working hard at all aspects of your life and a relative who is an unmitigated disaster comes through to tell you what you ain’t doing right. Ahh, the joy of the holidays!
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